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Offline zingdoozer

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Flooded with wisdom
« on: March 23, 2013, 02:47:29 PM »
had my first Iboga flood this weekend.

Wednesday - a few drops of TA tincture (3-4 mg). Thursday - 16 mg of TA tincture. Friday - TA extract from 25g of Root bark circa 250mg-1g (assumng a 1-4% range). Saturday - remaining 10% of Friday's mixture.

I'm feeling good. A bit low with the serotonin, dopamine draining.

But I guess that's about par for the journey. Will wait for a couple of days for the receptors to build up again.

Flooded with wisdom. I can't think of questions fast enough for them to get answered by the Father.

I started with inviting the spirit into me a few days ago, and had some TA extract - a few drops. Then on Wednesday I had another slightly larger dose. I had a massive mood crash the following day. But I could feel the spirit already doing its work. I felt the pain I had caused. I sat at home crying tears with the pain that I had caused so many people. Not so much in the last 2-3 years. Maybe 3-4 people. But the list has kept increasing with every passing hour. Memories brought back - but I get ahead of myself.

Mood drop on thursday with the serotonin/dopamine leakage - wasn't helped with the negative comments on a thread I started on eboka for advice. It was around getting a sitter, and even when i agreed with them, they kept coming back at me, and I was a bit shaken especially with the post microdose Iboga crash. But worked around it. bancopuma's PM's helped greatly,
There were also a couple of rough days at work, and I rarely ever have rough days at work, no matter how much work or shit is thrown at me. So a lot of tiny tiny things adding up. Made more difficult with the low mood secondary to neurotransmitter drain.
Missed a couple of days of meditation too, and that had a knock on effect too. Neuroticised about waffle a fair bit as a result.
With all the above adding up, and the iboga sort your shit out vibe in the background, it was not the smoothest of rides.

But the changes had already started. My diet is awful, and I thought it was a low priority for me as there are other things I need to get done. And my motivation was low. And as I write this, I hear the Father go, yes, I was attached to my weight, and how I had become. (haha, not quite fat, but sexy beast might might just be overreaching).

I had watched food docu movies, Food Inc, Forks and Knives, supersize me, supercharge me, earthlings to see if they could get my motivation up. And got zip in terms of motivation or enough of a kick up my backside. However I chanced upon Hungry For Change that had a free screening on thursday. It made a huge difference - putting ideas like we wouldnt feed a chimpanzee in a zoo crisps, and donuts, into my head. I ordered the rolls royce of domestic fruit and vegetable juicers the morning after the TA tincture. The Omega VERT 350 HD if anyone's interested. It had great reviews.

My fruit and veggie juice diet starts when I receive it on Monday.

Friday was more of the crash.

Prep work:
Got my sitter to come home, and gave her a set of keys.
Went out shopping and got a few essentials - coconut water, fruits, and the like.
I had soaked the root bark in vinegar for 5-6 days. did a few vinegar soaks over the next few hours. Filtered it. And heated the filtrate and scraped the residue off. No gelcaps. So I just swallowed it whole, with a gram or two of Root bark to get the whole range in.
I thought a few times about the nausea and medicating for it. Im usually against putting pharmaceuticals into my body - but opted for some cinnarizine. That killed all my nausea, which is a good thing, as I have an oversensitive gag reflex.
It sent me to sleep for a couple of hours though. Initial plan was to sleep from 8-3 and wake up and have it. But I thought I'd get on with it. Back to work on Monday, and time was short.

Downloading a bwiti music CD and played it on infinite loop.

I did a lesser banishing ritual of the pentagram to cleanse my auric field, I did a rose cross for an astral protection cloak, the middle pillar to assume the god form, chi kung sets (didnt get around to doing a yoga asana, and had a voice in my head saying I don't need to do the Bornless spirit invocation (I now know it was Iboga, as it would be another spirit in my body fighting for space with the father).
I also PM's a few people, and some pretty powerful healers , theta healers, kundalini awakened peeps, my sister and best bud and asked them to send me love and light. I also entered theta state and drew light and asked, or rather co-mmanded (co-, because I'm God doing it with God) protection. I felt this was a really important step for me pre-work. Felt another beautiful energy overseeing my work with the Father.
One last chat with my ancestors and I loaded. had half initially (of 25 gram TA extract from Root bark), and some over the next couple of hours. There's a tiny bit still left and I'll go for it tonight.

The lessons are streaming in hard and fast. I just ask a question, and I get the answer immediately. Matter of fact, delivered to me.

I see incidents in the past - coming back to me, and I can see how I made the other person feel. And it feels like a form of attack. I feel some of the pain and hurt the other person felt, and it makes me feel like a guy with a knife who goes around stabbing people in the heart.

Feels awful to see myself as a being who goes around attacking people willy nilly. (Just like Madre Aya showed me that love is acceptance and non acceptance/resentment was holding me back, and I was a resentment building and carrying machine.)

It makes me want to live a life anew. I want to give love, compassion and acceptance and more and more of it. I know I can't go around being so reckless with other peoples emotions. I'm thick skinned/water off a ducks back kinda guy. But other's aren't. And i do realise I can be a powerful, intimidating guy at times. Haha, ouch. Not a pretty figure to see in the reflection. Scaring the people around me. I thought I hadn't done much bad in the last 2-3 years, but memories coming back show me otherwise. All through today, Im getting memory after memory of some way I slighted someone or another. With the added insight of how they felt. Ouch. For both of us.

I have to deal with people with so so much more compassion, and acceptance. And Love.   

I ask why I have a glass ceiling of self worth and deservedness and it tells me that I don't feel I'm as good as other people. And that in my head there's some criterion of goodness or Value that dictates how deserving people should be to have good things happen to them.

I can't think of questions fast enough for them to get answered.

It shows me my problems that I created. And continue to create. And shows me my attachment to them. How precious my problems are to me. More precious than overcoming them.

That I have a life where I let stuff pile up on the side, let it accumulate and it builds stress around me, and once I'm in that sadomasochistic state is the level I keep myself at. Because I am addicted to the pain and the stress.

A narrative/habit where I have to be bombarded from all sides, and only then I can function fully at that level. And Ive made that into a default state. Even absorbing insights like we are all always in crisis to help me along, and focus on the positives.

But the importance of housekeeping i.e. getting jobs ticked off the list is shown to me. This is society, if I want to play. I have to pay.


And can't visualise for myself (even if I do manifestation exercises) to getting there. There are blocks, the biggest one of which is I am attached to my problems.

However with the iboga showing me the future with my current behaviours, I see how things will go ahead with my current behaviours, and its not always reassuring.

Sure, Im doing hypnotherapy now, on a tv presenter course (to pursue my filmmaking dreams), Im saving a bucketload of moolah, on to do an Anthony Robbins seminar in May.

Im meditating almost everyday, and have a baseline of bliss and tranquility.

But there is also attachment to problems and pain.

IT's time to cut the threads that bind us together. And jettison the pain. There is much good work to be done.

Bind the problem of unfiled tax returns, an ex-girlfriend I'm probably still harbouring feelings for with a silly narrative I've fooled myself into - she and I believed we were soulmates. And I do think we are. But I also feel everyone reading this is a soulmate. Thought I had gotten over her and it was in the past. But an insight into my narrative tells me a different story, and it's time to cut the ties.

Having more of an insight into my past unhelpful narrative that was keeping me anchored in painful, unwanted behaviours that weren't to my highest good.

With relationships, I feel I'm in my home stretch - and I'm just a couple of steps away from having amazing kids with an amazing woman. I have a lot of great things going for me. I've just fallen into a unhelpful narrative since my breakup of not wanting to have girifriends because I dont want to tear another beautiful soul apart. I started having one night stands, a different every week for a while and a lot of them were falling for me. Now, Ive even stopped the one night stands, and am sleeping with escorts (im being honest here), and now even they're falling for me. Had another one, a couple of weeks ago saying I love you a couple of times. She said she wanted to sleep with me for sex and not money. It's an unhelpful pattern to be mired in.

Just a whole lot of old narratives that aren't helpful anymore I hold onto. When it comes to relationships, pain will be caused with a breakup, any breakup. But I should also see that I gave everyone of them incredible joy, and treated my girlfriends over the last few years like absolute gold. And I should look to focus on more of that, rather than causing imaginary future pain.

I've stopped going out, and there's avoidance with that. in that I only go out on a night out once or twice a month.  I speak to women, and if it's going well or not, I just eject.  My lifestyle is shite, as I move towns, and it takes a couple of months to set up in a new town. But Im in a beautiful town, with spectacularly beautiful women, and classy places to go to. Not the usual nightclub fare. So so much magic to enjoy with some of the most beautiful women in the world. Gotta find a few with depth, and have a social circle/weekend plan to get there that does not involve nightclubs. 

I was thinking to myself that I dont want to have sex without love. And wanted to do it for the long haul, and if not, then escorts. But I heard the father's voice say, that delineation is in my head. It's ALL sex no matter with who or how I do it. And he showed me where my current behaviours were leading.

I just have to decide what I want and go for it. But if I go the way I am, and avoiding it, I'll be in the same place in a year. And I don't want that. i want the picket fence, woman, babies life. This human feels the need to replicate. And live on. It's a realisation that I'm descended all the way down from the primordial soup. And it would be great to keep it going.

I also see how I fill my body with negative neurochemicals and stress hormones. I've stopped alcohol and cannabis recently. Dont do any other drugs other than entheogens occasionally. But negative neurochemicals - because of procrastination, or issues of self worth and deservedness, or plain laziness, build up in this beautiful temple I inhabit.

I ask how I can achieve my goals, and the answer I get is simple. Get off your laptop. Get out of your house. Choose that things outside these four walls called life. I had a beautiful vibrant social life in the country I came from, but here in the UK, its a bit anti social, but I realise if i want it, its up to me to create it. And it is eminently doable.

And not to overthink it, just go ahead and do it.

Fruit and vegetable juicer. healthier eating. no processed food. And this body I create deserves it.
 I am God. As is everything, and everybody around me. And our purpose is to create.  The people I have the privilege of coming into contact with deserve the best of treatment.
Love, compassion, acceptance, forgiveness. Breaking free of chains of past unhelpful narratives. And replace them with new narratives.Create a clear picture of my future and work towards it.
Getting out of my comfort zones.
Treating my body well.
Treating my mind well, and having positive self talk. Continue meditation.
Treating the human body/being that I inhabit well. Soul union work with a structure. stay off the alcohol and cannabis (a month now). Get a lifestyle. Get out of the house. Get a cycle, and get the body I've always dreamt of having (always had a decent body, and let it go this past year, but there's passable and there's visibly glowing and fit). Create a clear picture of my future and work towards it.

Assimilate the lessons as long as the Father is in my body teaching me lessons. And build on them.

insight is such a bitch ???.  just all my behaviours laid out before me like that. Past behaviours effect on recent actions, and present behaviours effect on future actions. And seeing it all play out.

But still a few more hours to go. Lots of realisations. A lot of sadness too. But there is much magic across the bridge.

There is much work to be done. Much thanks and gratitude for those who supported me. lalala, your kind PM was much appreciated.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2013, 02:24:48 AM by zingdoozer »

Offline BlueTiger

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2013, 04:32:34 PM »
Thanks for sharing Zingdoozer.  There are a lot of great points you make, in regards to living the life you want and deserve.  The wisdom is in actually doing these things.  Works in progress, we don't stop learning until we die, so.......enjoy the ride!

Your administration of the Iboga is new to me.  In fact, from your writing, I am not sure if you are still flooding or not....

But still a few more hours to go. Lots of realisations. A lot of sadness too. But there is much magic across the bridge.


The next week should be really interesting for you.  I am a big believer in getting your biorhythms back on point after this experience.  Melatonin works wonders for this.  There are many tonics you can utilize as well that are precursors to serotonin...

Iboga does lay it all out in front of you.  It's magical in that way. 

I have a really tasty green drink recipe that will fuel your interest in nutrition if you'd like....

If you are into meditation, check out my Sat Nam practices (Bow to your true identity): http://eboka.info/index.php?topic=1801.msg15681#msg15681 

Peace, Blue
“For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our views about them....
You are not an observer, you are a participant.”   ― Thích Nhất Hạnh, Being Peace

You must transform before the psychedelic experience can be transformative.
-Ebokian

Offline zingdoozer

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2013, 02:09:54 AM »
I wasn't flooding at the time of writing. Did feel like a flood dose, but Im new to this.

I thought I'd microdose on a couple of nights before, and have the TA extract and TA tincture together with 1-2 grams of RB. But didnt want to play around with the quantities. So had the TA tincture the previous night. So that's how it ended up being imbibed, rather than a solitary flooding dose.


------
Day 2.
I've begun Researching nootropics on the net.

I feel the Iboga spirit inside my body now. And can still communicate with it. But it was feeling like a presence slightly outside my head. Now I get the sensation it's inside my body. Seeping through my cells. 

I can feel it driving me to research stuff. I've been looking at nootropics and supplements and my usual line of research would lead me to ALA, Ubiquinolol (reduced form Coenzyme Q10), chlorphyll, General well being and health stuff.

However now, Im researching setting up a racetam analogues - noocept probably, Alpha GPC/CDP Choline supplementation, ALCAR stack. Really anything to fire up the choline. Plus standard multivitamins, minerals, fish oil (instead of processed omega 3,6,9).

Ordered noocept, but dont want to have it without a choline backup. Was about to order it, and remembered Athletic Greens.

Thought about it and ended up ordering the Athletic Greens, seems to be the best natural plant based supplement on the face of the planet. And it's not processed down to individual ingredients. It's expensive. I was hesitating when I saw the sky high price 100 quid monthly or  80 quid recurring. Asked the father, and the voice was clear, go for it. So yes, might be expensive, but fuel for the car is more expensive. Haha, I used to have three vehicles before (a cruiser motorcycle, a campervan and a convertible) and now people ask me why I dont have a vehicle, and I tell them Im idealogically against buying an inorganic object that costs more to maintain than me.

Ordering a brompton foldable bicycle tomorrow. Get fit and look good. Dont need to add muscle mass, maybe lose 5-10 lbs. Losing 15 of fat, and adding 5 of muscle would be even better.

I feel a drive with so much to be done to create the life I've always wanted.

i see old behaviours now. Analyse their old narratives holding them up, and replace them with newer more empowering narratives.

Might get a food dehydrator too.

Looking forward to the food and vegetable juicer coming on monday and looking ahead to stocking up some goodies.

Will order some organic veg boxes to come in for next week, later today.

This all seems suddenly thrust on me, and I can see the patterns in how I occupy my time to get to the goals I've set. Have to slot in researching raw food, and principles around it.

You're right about the way Iboga lays the way forward. It's like my life ahead is planned. And if I slip into old habits, the future consequences of those actions is mapped out, and it has me scrambling for a better future narrative, and working with a plan towards it.

The Iboga has cut large swathes of the what Miguel Ruiz calls the 'parasite', and what Stephen Pressman calls 'resistance' in the War of Art off.

The parasite is the negative programming that I was carrying around. An offhand comment there, a traumatic episode somewhere else, a gazillion cumulative cognitions that had me in a holding pattern.

I feel the spirit in me, and I have to feed it too. Good food, good nutrients, have to be careful with it's sternness, and that doesn't come across to other people. I might only do it another time in a year or so. As I dont feel comfortable sharing my body with a spirit (as I can contact other spirits for favors, or my ancestors, but stay away from that malarkey generally). But the Iboga smiles and tells me you'll be back. That's also the reason I stay away from Ayahuasca. Feeling Madre Aya in my body for weeks or months can sometimes get a bit offputting.

The old me has been smashed to smithereens (again). There is a massive ego dissolution, and depersonalisation/derealisation.

But I have pressed the reset button. There is a whole newer, more empowering future writing itself for me right now.

Presenter course next weekend, Anthony Robbins seminar in May are things to look forward too. Will fit weekend workshops into my schedule.

There is so much to create, to look forward to - my old patterns of sitting back and watching life pass by whilst I did my cushy freelance well paying 9-5, and muddling along is now viewed with some distaste, and filled with a motivation to change the old status quo.

i was in a beautiful mindspace before iboga. Felt a lot of things were coming together. But with the father in me, I can see so much more clearly. You're right the path is being mapped out for me.

Will go in again in a year or maybe 9 months. Open the gates up with Kambo, and do a more proper dose. Or maybe in a couple of years. I'll have the father with me for a while yet. I know people say the effects last a month or so. And you need to wait 3-6 months, maybe a year for the next flood. But if I was sensitive for months on to Madre Aya being in me, then will probably be longer with Papa Iboga.

There has been so much death of the 'parasite' and the old me, I almost feel like doing a funeral. :)

The old me was beautiful yes, and the present me is too. And I must remember to be accepting of myself, and all previous iterations. But successive iterations bring me and the body I inhabit closer with every passing day to where I want to be. Which really is centered within myself. And the best possible surroundings I can imagine.

I have a lot of ideas to start working on.

But talk is cheap. And we must get cracking on. :)

The satnam meditation sounded great. i especially liked the vibrations massaging the insides. Will give it a go today.

Re: the green drink recipe, please do pass it my way, and it shall be gratefully received.


Will work on the basics and getting biorhythms back, and a sort of structure to work with or around.



Offline lalababa

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2013, 04:31:57 AM »
Hi zing,

Thank you:)  It seems as if you did indeed gain a lot from this experience!  Iboga is truly amazing isn't it?  I am also curious about the TA tincture, did you extract it yourself? 

I have been taking noopept for more than two weeks now,  I am starting to really enjoy it and the energy and focus it gives, also every night it seems as if I dream about Iboga, even recalling visions from flooding.

I highly recommend Blues green drink, it was the first and only thing I could stomach for awhile after my last flood. So good.

I look forward to hearing how you feel in the coming days.

lala


Offline Kampum

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2013, 02:16:16 PM »
Apologies for how I handled my communication with you Zingdoozer.  Such interactions make me think I am not a good representative of the forum. 

Good Luck

Offline Morninggloryseed

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2013, 06:19:50 PM »
Beautiful report.  I still am in extreme afterglow and somewhat in disbelief at how well ibogaine 'works' for whatever you may need it for.  It is very wonderful to read of others who find this spirit in a shrub as life giving as I do.
"I have discovered common sense is actually very uncommon."

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Offline Calaquendi

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2013, 06:40:45 PM »
Awesome write up - thanks for sharing....and welcome!!!

I hope you find the place comfortable - you can even do this in your underwear and no one knows.  :D

Good work man, stick around - glad to have you ~ Cal

PS - KP - we're all just people being people brother, everything is good - everything is everything...thanks
" I am you and what I see is me..."

Offline zingdoozer

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #7 on: March 24, 2013, 08:52:45 PM »
lalababa - thank you! I'd suggest backing up the noocept with Alpha GPC or CDP Choline as the noocept burns through Acetyl Choline. Adding ALCAR activates acetyl choline transferase by supplying the acetyl groups. Also has anti ageing properties. Fish oil, multivits, minerals should round up a kickass basic nootropic stack.

I just took the easy (though expensive) option and bought athleticgreens - https://www.athleticgreens.com/v4/ as the Iboga voice in my head said pull the trigger and go for it. Cheaper than car fuel for the engine that runs the temple that I inhabit. :)

KP - much love to you brother. You are a good, nay great,  representive on this forum with your experience and sharing of wisdom. When I was doing searches on the site, I found your posts some of the most useful.

Cal, Morniggloryseed - thank you. Glad to be here and be a part of the family. :)

-------->

I feel that I didn't really flood but rather did two microdose days, and a booster. Maybe do a solid flood in a few months, maybe 3-4. Do a Kambo opening, and a nice little TA extract, HCL, root bark mix (though not more than 2 grams total pure TA - 1 gram of each, with 2-3g root bark maybe). Go easy with my early ones till I find my feet.

Maybe drop in and see the mother in the meantime. She'd be happy to see the prodigal son back :p


Thought I'd set up a lifestyle journal - almost want to call it an iboga journal or a lifestyle/iboga journal :)

Wednesday
First microdose of iboga circa 2-3 gram TA extract

Thursday 21 March
Mood crash all day
Watched Hungry for Change - the food doc that changed the way I view food.
Did 16 mg of TA extract as was wary of ODing on the next day

Friday 22nd March
Ordered the Rolls Royce of fruit and vegetable juicer's online. Omega VERT 350 HD
Mood crash worse today.
Did  90% of TA extracted from 25 gram root bark.

Saturday
Wrote detailed trip report.
Researched nootropics and settled on a noopept, alpha GPC, ALCAR, fish oil, multivitamin/mineral stack.
However thought I'd look at athletic greens, and decided to buy them when the Iboga said Go for it. 3 quid a day but well worth it.
Still getting the noopept from ebay, but wont be having it. Or only a tiny amount. The athletic greens is a great all in one.
 
Today
Rang the local Brompton store and booked a bespoke bicycle with some kickass accessories - 1300 quid is a bit steep. Almost 500 quid over base price which is expensive in itself at 800.
Went into the store and left a deposit.
They said bespoke would take 15 weeks from Bromptom factory in London. I thought fuck it get their in house bespoke ones and add extras. It was doable. So picking up thursday instead of 15 weeks.  :D
Thinking black, red or yellow. black is classy and will age well as I do, red is understated and overstated chic at the same time, yellow is loud, trendy and fun methinks. Went for yellow.  ::)


Did a couple of important housekeeping i.e. bank, and computer fixing setup work that I had postponed for a couple of months.

Researched food dehydrators and wanted to buy one - but though I should research how I'll use them and get one in a couple of days maybe. The TSM stainless steel are the best ones in the UK. Thats almost 2000 quid spend in 2-4 days. But guess will be well worth it. Have to feed the temple right.

Have to research a dieta to keep the Father around as long as possible. And then function at the same level off it until the next flood a fair few months down the line.

Off meats, had some vegetables in an italian restaurant that had flour on it, and I didnt like it. Also had fish (which I'm having in preference to meats - but can stay off them if need be). For the first time in my life, I enjoyed the vegetables more than the meat.

Ordered organic fruit and veg boxes for next week.

Lets see what tomorrow brings - I know, I get my fruit and veg juicer and inaugrate it. Happy days!

Glow already on this morning, my best buddy from 26 years came down to see me and we spent the day pfaffing about. And I laughed as much as I have in months. And Im a pretty happy chappy usually. Ran over recent changes. I've always struggled with a stutter and sorted it with some hypnotherapy last week. Also stopped alcohol (which wasnt really a problem), and weed (which I thought I really didnt want to stop) - but thought Id stop them both as another hypnotherapist who worked with bioresonance said it would be easy. And it was - no cravings either. Can sit in a room with people smoking and not feel the urge to toke or drink.

So here I am in a place I didnt dream I'd be a month ago - off alcohol, off weed, not stuttering, off meat, onto veggies, raw food lifestyling, etc etc.. And best of all the 'parasite' of my negative programming has been cut off in almost one fell swoop (which was my lofty intent heading into the trip).

Tomorrow is another beautiful day. Welcome to the rest of my life being the best of my life. :)

Gratitude to you all for accepting me.

And with deepest gratitude to Papa Iboga.




Offline lalababa

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #8 on: March 24, 2013, 11:55:46 PM »
:D great, all of it!  I will be trying some of these other things as well. 

We are glad to have you here in our little family as well zing!

much love,
lala
« Last Edit: March 25, 2013, 01:43:45 AM by lalababa »

Offline ddraig

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #9 on: March 25, 2013, 01:08:53 AM »
Thank you for sharing zingdoozer. Great stuff. So much there that left an impact with me.

Offline zingdoozer

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #10 on: March 26, 2013, 08:43:38 AM »
Got my fruit and veg juicer and its a beaut. Made a couple of fruit n veg juices and they tasted great.

Started a 30 day challenge yesterday where I write a 3-500 word article everyday and wrote one in nootropics that I posted on the diet and recipes thread.

Aim to gt 30 or so articles done and slap them all online in a bit. Starting a website. Working with setting up plan B passive cash flow income.

Spending less time on the net. And even spending a couple o hours on Facebook last night really really hurt.

Working on getting organised and galloping through to do lists.

I had issues with self worth and deservedness and self sabotage and was doing hypnotherapy to deal with them but with the Iboga reset I cancelled further appointments. Might get back and do it when I find newer sticking points to work on.

Clearing through stuff at work too - above and beyond what I usually do.

Aim to have a clean slate or get there so I can fit the real important stuff in instead of continually firefighting instead of not alighting fires in the first place.

Eating healthier and moving slowly to a non processes raw food diet.

Doing a daily ritual practice that involves lbrp, rose cross, middle pillar, blue lights sat nams, meditation and ancestor chat.

Have been keeping a dream record in recent weeks and aim to keep it going. Will need to look at analysing symbology soon.

As long as I stay off the net then the more good things happen.






Offline zingdoozer

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #11 on: April 03, 2013, 07:18:18 PM »
Posted some of this post in the eboka talk forum - for feedback, as dont think I'll get much on here.

edited it to include a lot of my current issues Im working through.


I'm not sure if other people have come across this - but I've a good feeling there is a pretty consistent post Ibogaine stress.

The stress that comes from kicking your bad habits, going just past the glow, and seeing the crapola that your bad habits/addictions/behaviours/avoidance, societal/personal self worth and deservedness mindsets and limiting beliefs have created.

The dreams that we pissed on thinking we would do them 'someday', the problems we now have to solve because of all the avoidant behaviours of yesterday, and so on and so forth.

With every passing day I see the train wreck that I was regularly propagating, that has now built up in the background. It's solveable, but there's a lot to be solved.

In the past this was the exact reason I would start smoking the cannabis again. I'd stop for a few days, and once the stark realities of the outside world and all the shite I had to start dealing with crept up, I would have the cannabis to almost tranquilise me and get me into an alternate reality where taxes, bills, life goals, ambitions didnt exist and I lived through one big hedonic pause where I didn't make progress in my life (apart from knowledge, and travel, and maybe becoming a better person i.e. treating people a whole lot better, and an insight into myself - so wasnt a total failure - but but but..) apart from what I just mentioned within brackets, and etc etc etc.

There are taxes from a couple of years that need paying, or at least filing, and that was on a tax avoidance scheme that I dont think would stand any scrutiny any more - so might expect a 10-30K bill from the taxman,
A house that got repossessed because I missed payments when away on holiday (thinking Id put it on the market and it would get sold, and I could pay everyone off - but my holiday got extended and I had to come back for proofs of address to sell the house, as I didnt have them on holiday and when I did get back - I found that it was repossessed just a week earlier, but this would have sorted itself out with just an email to the people) and now have a 3-7K repossession bill,
Another bank account that adds 5 quid to my overdraft  every day and Im overdrawn by 17 quid and this has been going on in the background over the last 18 months.
I have a narrative about an ex-girlfriend I'm not moving on from, and from a time when I find that Ive always had girlfriends, I've now been single for three years. I used to get my sex from one night stands, as I told myself I didnt want to break a girls heart, and all of them had a thing for me, and then avoided going out, and now started sleeping with hookers, and a couple of them have started falling for me. When I could get the whole thing sorted with some hypnotherapy (which I am doing now).
My social life that used to be great is now in tatters, because of my freelance job, and i stay in on the net doing fuck all apart from reading what I tell myself are interesting books.
I havent been maintaining a portfolio or CPD practice, and since Im in a professional job, this can come back to bite me in the ass.
There's a company I started that I havent filed returns for, and I have a scam artist accountant who said that he filed them but cant send me copies - and when I ring the taxman, they say they havent recieved it. i asked for the company to be made dormant, but this hasnt happened.
The company also has an inventory at an amazon warehouse which i joined, but which I failed to manage, and now I have a 1K bill that I havent paid, and when I've changed my card details they still cannot process my payments. But lost around 6K on it. And havent made any receipts and the inventory system is too confusing to even find out how many objects have been sold, and my profit loss margins.
I've moved house, and havent re-routed my mails - and have to get that done, and see what other problems I have to deal with.
So the above are just the tip of the iceberg biggest problems. There are a fair few tiny problems on the side.

I'm keeping a positive mindset, and will begin cranking through them all - I owe it to the temple/body/life that I inhabit.

But jaysus, how much more of a train wreck was I going to let my life get into before I got into 'someday' (which never comes) and started to sort these issues out. Im sure there are others here whose lives are more of a train wreck than mine, and this is pretty light going. It's only money and a few hours work to repair. maybe a bit of a headache. But there's a spectacularly beautiful life to be lived beyond that.

Sure, I have to surrender to the bliss of the present moment, and aim for the best possible future.

But the housekeeping HAS to get done, and I have to remove as much of the cumulative stressors building up, so I make space for living the beautiful life of my dreams.

Offline yohimb223

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #12 on: April 04, 2013, 02:22:39 PM »
Hey zing,

    Great journal, but, what about physical stuff?
 
Were you able to move about?
 
Coordination effected? and to what degree?

     
  Peace and a good day  in the now...
                                               

Offline zingdoozer

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #13 on: April 04, 2013, 06:13:14 PM »
Hey zing,

    Great journal, but, what about physical stuff?
 
Were you able to move about?
 
Coordination effected? and to what degree?

     
  Peace and a good day  in the now...
                                               

Not really bruv. I probably had a microdose on days 1 and 2 (inviting the spirits in), and boosters on days 2 and 3. Dont think it was a flood as such. I had around 1/4th the substrate from boiling the vinegar extract, had another 1/2 later and left the remaining 1/4th for later, but didnt have it until the next evening.  Wont mess about next time, and will have HCL and TA. Probably 700 mg of each for a 18mg/kg flooding dose. Wasnt quite sure what I was getting into first time around, and played safe.

I had some promethazine for the ataxia and nausea too, and slept through the first couple of hours (was a busy day at work and was bushed too). Will sleep initially and wake up next time at circa 2 or 3am and have the flooding dose.

And will stay off the pharma drugs for ataxia/nausea.

So yeah, it was a booster dose. I stayed in bed for circa 12 hours and was able to turn around, but didnt have any motivation to get up from my bed.

So next time, will have the pre-extracted version, probably do it with somebody else, go in for a clear cut dose, and will stay off pharma for ataxia. Will fast for 12-18 hours, and have a dump pre-dose, so I dont have to get up. The microdose iboga was speaking to me, and pushed me into a fruit dieta the few days going in, and I guess Ill do that too the next time around.
Will also make sure I dont move my head around. Might try KIAP's chinese herbal ataxia remedy if I feel the need.

Offline Kampum

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Re: Flooded with wisdom
« Reply #14 on: April 05, 2013, 12:21:34 PM »
Here is one of them, sometime soon (hopefully) I compile a full list of all the herbs both homeopathic and extracts for ataxia...

http://www.magiherbs.com/luhedonotwrt.html

Quote
Product Description
This 100% natural herbal formula is based on Chinese decoctions proven effective to relieve, in the early stage, symptoms of nervous system and vascular disorders in the head, including pain, dizziness, blurredness, forgetfulness, etc. (but without infections or other diseases). The causes of these symptoms may include:

1. High blood pressure: sometimes, when blood pressure reaches extreme levels, one may experience headache, blurry or double vision, abdominal or chest pain, shortness of breath, and dizziness.

2. Dizziness includes light-headedness and feeling faint or vertigo. Vertigo is a feeling of spinning, whirling, or moving feeling and dizziness occurred together. Vertigo may indicate an inner ear balance disorder.

3. Deterioration of mental ability due to aging or blockage or leakage of blood vessels, which may include pre or post-stroke, early Parkinson's or Alzheimer's conditions, etc.

4. Headaches: the most common headaches are tension, migraine and cluster headaches, caused by serotonin imbalance, are usually treated by painkillers, which may have un-wanted side-effects. (The less common types of headache are post-traumatic, sinus, jaw-joint, exercise or sexual activity-induced, and allergic headaches, etc., most of these infection or disease-induced headaches should be cured by treating the source problems.)

In TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine), these symptoms indicate that blood clots or mucus have hindered microcirculation, or toxins due to biological or chemical sources may have blocked blood vessels in the head. Aging or stresses (due to mood or hormonal changes) may have de-stabilized the nervous system. Lucid-Head is based on time-proven herbal formulas of TCM to relieve the above symptoms by cleaning the toxins, mucus, and clots, improving blood microcirculation, quelling the nervous system, etc. Lucid-Head has no known side effects.