I hope I am not overstepping my bounds, but I feel compelled to share this with you. To be clear, I am currently on a low dose of suboxone, and am therefore not clean. However, before I I began suboxone maintenance 3 years ago, before the relapse that led to such an ignorantly desperate decision to do so, I had been clean and HAPPY for over two and a half years. Frankly, it helped that I really had no choice in the matter, but not as much as you may think.
So I will speak from that point of view.
After a miserable couple of years addicted to heroin, I found myself across the country, in san Francisco. My mother had arranged for me to begin a work study program at the Watsu Center, in harbin hot springs California, where I spent the next few years of my life studying massage and bodywork therapy.
Harbin is an hour from calistoga, near red wood forests, far from anywhere.
I went through wd, which went unnoticed in the week prior to the first class, mostly because I stayed in my tent the whole time.
I learned anatomy, physiology, kinesiology. Basic bodywork principles and techniques. I learned how to listen with my hands, in A way that was not dissimilar to playing my guitar. I became acquainted with my body in new and subtle ways. In short, I was learning how to cultivate a totally new skill set., which happens to have a spiritual and deeply interpersonal aspect.
Meanwhile, I met people. I'm from Delaware, and I can't tell you how apathetic and dismal, and well, old the people are here. These were people who had faith. Not in anything specific, but everyone seemed so inspired. The school was on the hill, the main village (150 residents, few hundred guests) was in the valley, where the pools were. They held 'unconditional dances' twice a week, meditation workshops and yoga daily, any number of community projects. This wasn't a spa- this was their actual lifestyle.
I found myself engaged. There wasn't a reason to hurry. Ever. I kept busy, not on trivial things to keep me distracted, but important things that I wanted to be a part of.
I ended staying for 2 years, acquired a 1000 hr bodywork certificate, a 500 hour watsu therapist certificate, and moved into my gf's house in Berkley. I stayed for 6 months, but when I ran out of money, I hadn't found a job, which I had never needed before. My parents convinced me to return to their house for 2 months, while I prepared for my national exam etc. I left, uneasy and reluctant. When it became clear that my parents had misled me about paying my fare back to California, I sort of fell apart. I used once, and spent the next month in the ICU with septic MRSA and fentanyl.
It doesn't change the time I spent clean. I had a purpose, a set of goals, I had a role in A community that I wanted to be a part of.
