Author Topic: So long entheo…..  (Read 3049 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline DiamondHeart

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 220
    • View Profile
So long entheo…..
« on: May 14, 2014, 11:15:31 PM »
I recently did a one week meditation retreat. last summer, I micro dosed RB during the retreat and had some powerful insights so I decided to repeat the process again only this time I had IW TA.

The first evening I took about 1g of RB then the next 3 evenings, I took 0.1mg of the TA. The only effects I noticed were a bright energy throughout the day. I decided to skip the dose for the 5th night and add it to the stronger dose I had planned for the 6th night.

Friday evening came and I was preparing to take a staggered dose of approx 1.2g TA. At the last minute, I made a rash decision to take the TA all at once. This was not only arrogant but foolish. I do not have sufficient experience with IW TA to mess with the protocol. Time was 8:30pm.

I went to bed and tossed and turned. Around 11:00pm, things started happening. I was lying on my back and the sheet I blanket I had on me felt very heavy - it was like they were shrink wrapped to me body wherever they touched it - felt pretty cool actually. Shortly afterwards the first of a series of hot flashes started. My body would heat up over about a 3 minute period then cool off again. These repeated every couple of hours until about 4am. Some were so intense I broke a sweat.

Started to hear the classic buzzing sound in my right ear whenever I turned over - this concerned me - I was on my own and not set up for a flood and I was supposed to leave the center in 40 hours time and drive myself home. The buzzing got louder but I was still able to move without ataxia so I figured I had dodged the bullet.

At 11:30pm, very weak visions started. They were just dark shadowy images at first then became dark shadowy cartoon like B&W visions. Almost like watching an old film projector that was running frame by frame and the celluloid was burning - there were holes and tears in the images. After a couple of hours of these crappy b&w "visions", I got a clear, sharp color one.

About 18 months ago, when I was about to do kambo for the first time, i was given a Tarot reading. I'm not one for tarot but it was part of the package so I went along. The first type of card asked me a question "where is the hidden diamond?". Several cards later, we ended up with a deck of crystal cards (I'm really not into crystals either so I kinda rolled my eyes at this point). The card I drew was a diamond. I was told to meditate on the questions "Where is the hidden diamond" and "what would it mean to find it?". I wrote these down in a notebook and totally forgot about it once I returned home.

I took this same notebook to the retreat and on the Wednesday, I saw the questions about the diamond and figured I should ask Iboga on friday night.

When the first clear vision started, it didn't seem to be relevant so I asked "Where is the diamond" - it appeared in the vision. I took it and then wondered where to put it. My heart appeared and I put it in the middle. My heart closed around it and then transformed. It was covered in small diamonds and did a 360 to show me that it was covered front and back. I said "Cool, a diamond encrusted heart".Then it hit me on a deeper level.."I have a diamond encrusted heart". End of vision.

Couple more hours of the b&w shadowy stuff that i still couldn't make any sense of. Then a second clear vision started. It was a B&W room, beautifully lit from the side. On the carpet was a baby just old enough to crawl. It turned around and sat down. He was pure innocence - not a harsh word or deed done to him. It was me. I went into the room and played with him for a bit. Then a timeline was drawn from where he was sitting out in an arc to where I am in my life now. As the vision moved along the timeline, every harsh word and deed done to me (by others and those I have done to myself), was lashed into my back and left a scar. By the time I reached the present time, I was bent over and broken under the weight of 2 feet of scars upon scars on my back. I cannot convey the feeling this left me with - talk about raw. End of vision.


In the review stage, I saw the diamond heart clip again then saw the B&W room. I went back into the room and picked him up, told him I would take care of him and walked out of the vision with him, I looked around inside myself for a place to put him, then remembered diamond heart - I locked him in there knowing no harm could reach him inside there.

I then realized how the events of 18 months ago had been brought into context and combined with something extremely personal. Very impressed.

More wispy visions until about 7:30am. I was able to get up and stagger to the bathroom and back - the intensity of the ataxia surprised me as I had no problems moving around in bed and getting my water bottle. Had to stay in bed all day and felt drained and plagued by weird dark images every time I closed my eyes. I started to get frustrated that I couldn't just close my eyes and see blackness. Try to eat part of a banana put brought the little I got down back up a couple of hours later.

Managed to sleep pretty fairly well Saturday night and felt fine when I got up.

I'm not quite sure how to categorize this experience. It had some characteristics of a flood but certainly wasn't even close to one. I have lots to write down about the experience and the idea that come to me in the reflective phase. This has certainly had a big effect on me and will likely do so for a while - have to keep tuning in to what i'm feeling inside, in my heart rather than try to analyze it with my brain.

So entheo_newbie - its been quite a journey these last couple of years but it seems like the right time to lay this handle to rest.

Offline lalababa

  • UBERMOD
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 621
    • View Profile
Re: So long entheo…..
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2014, 02:42:40 AM »
DiamondHeart! 

I LOVE it!  Thank you for sharing and yes, time to put the newbie handle to rest for sure!

It sounds like you had a threshold flood dose, not a full on flood but in my experience the one I had that was just on the threshold left the greatest impact on me, for one, because I could remember every single detail of it and also because it was the most personal one where as the others didn't really have a lot of visions about my personal life at all.

I am so happy that you finally got to experience this and came out of it okay.  I am anxious to hear how you feel in the coming days and weeks.

What a beautiful write up.  Thank you again for sharing this and being here.  I am so glad you are back in this forum, you are an invaluable member and now you have the flood or "microburst"  under your belt.

Much Love,

lala

Offline DiamondHeart

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 220
    • View Profile
Re: So long entheo…..
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2014, 11:48:54 AM »
Thanks for the kind words lala.

I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday but he had to cancel on me at the last minute and I've been bursting to share this. I was hesitant last night to go with my new handle - it felt a little presumptive or grandiose but I realized that was coming from old patterns. Nothing else felt right. It is simply something that I am heading towards as a goal and hope to fully embody. I am DiamondHeart - that statement came from iboga, not me.

I had a sense that I was knocking on the door of a full flood so the term threshold flood makes sense. Like all the framework was put in place for a full flood but the dose wasn't enough to complete the process. My total dose was around half of what Michelle recommended for a flood dose so I am surprised that I had the experience that I did on that amount. Just goes to show you that this medicine is hard to predict.

All my questions and issues seem to be lining up waiting to be looked at again through the light of this experience. I have a feeling that there will be some big shifts occurring over the next few weeks as I continue to incorporate the experience into real life.

Offline ddraig

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 217
    • View Profile
Re: So long entheo…..
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2014, 10:18:53 PM »
wow. That is beautiful! Welcome DiamondHeart! Thank you for sharing.


Offline RhythmSpring

  • Global Moderator
  • Sr. Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 468
    • View Profile
Re: So long entheo…..
« Reply #4 on: May 15, 2014, 11:51:39 PM »
When I saw the title of this thread, my heart dropped, thinking that you had died. I was relieved to find out that you didn't.

But in a sense, you did. This is what Iboga does. And now you are reborn, to use a useful cliche.

I also had an accidental threshold dose experience a couple years ago, living by myself in Texas. It was pretty scary knowing that I was unattended. There was a point where I was overheating and needed to jump in the shower. The shower felt so weird, but I think I might have really hurt myself I didn't do that.

I echo Lalababa with the value of threshold-flood doses. You remember more, you're not totally broken into pieces, mentally. My threshold dose experience ended with the most intense crying session I ever had. I had not cried upon physical birth, and I felt like this was making up for it. It was so intense, cathartic, that I felt that it had activated my pineal gland for various reasons. I had the most real, tangible feeling that everything was and was held together by Love. It was healing.

Anyway, thank you for sharing and inspiring sharing in others (me)!

Offline mo

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 236
    • View Profile
Re: So long entheo…..
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2014, 09:26:52 AM »
it strike me how careful and slow you are taking it - wonderful truly! thank you brother!
in a universe like ours, to beings like us, the idea of a god dying can be quite liberating

Offline DiamondHeart

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 220
    • View Profile
Re: So long entheo…..
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2014, 12:14:57 PM »
Sorry RS, didn't mean to scare you. Makes me glad I didn't go with the original title which was "Goodbye entheo" as I figured people might misinterpret it and think exactly what you did!

I can't say I feel reborn exactly but definitely seeing things from a more wholesome and true perspective. I was walking to work this morning and felt a wave of deep peace and calm - the likes of which I haven't felt in literally decades. So this is the afterglow huh? Nice. I'll try to blow some everyone's way. This seems like how we can/should feel when we let go of our stuff. Real freedom.