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Messages - koko

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Eboka Journals / Re: freshly iboga-nated
« on: January 09, 2011, 01:25:13 PM »
hello yall,well,i went and had my dental surgery wednesday.the pain was bad for 4 days ,had to take oxycodone,no way motrin would have been enough.she was able to go ahead and place the 'posts' for the implants in both spots,which was cool ,as she didnt know if she could right when she pulled the abcessed tooth.she ended up having to put me on a steroid dose pak,which made me turn around the corner of healing.so,now that the pain is diminishing,i can get back to getting off opiates again. the last time i took a booster of the IW TA,i didnt feel good,its like it didnt agree with me at all.i read where it can go 'stale' ,for lack of a better term.i wonder if thats what happened? on another site ,i person is giving me feedback that iboga doesnt work for me,or that i am not a suitable person to carry on the work.guess that dampened my spirit enough where its tken me this long to post about it.i know weve discussed being open about treatment "success' or 'failure' here. i am wondering what the consensus is. oddly enough,my sister is the most compassionate person in regards to my journey,saying,that as i carry on,if opiates are indicated,i will have to deal with this thru my life. i sure know alot of ppl in 12 step that say they never take an opiate again,but this has not been my experience.i discuss this alot with my therapist as well.i wasnt able to take them as prescibed in the middle of it,but,as the pain went down,i am.maybe i am in a shitload of denial,i really dont know,as i seem easily discouraged about trusting myself.it has been 3 weeks since i had any alcohol,and i am feeling so much better,even tho it wasnt a daily thing,no ganga either.so,here i am staring at a mini-withdrawal necessity, sending out a message to the etheres for support-koko

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Eboka Journals / Re: freshly iboga-nated
« on: December 28, 2010, 02:22:12 PM »
hi yall,thanks for your imput! wish i could take anti-inflammatories,but they hurt my gut,badly. i can get away with maybe once a month,but i have hell to pay for a coupla weeks after ,and thats with one pill.i have tried all methods to make them plausible,no luck.i do take alot of chinese formulas for pain as i have access ,i could also try to finagle some acupuncture after the tooth extraction,i am sure that will help also,get my acu to run some electricity thru the needles for longer analgesia too. otherwise,i mean aside from the obvious dental pain im in, i am feeling strong.i am going to an AA meeting tomorrow nite,first time in over 5 years,but need another layer of support,keep telling myself,take the best,leave the rest,over & over! yikes.its just an hour,but i need it,like a more consistant (and free) level of support.ever since i did ibogaine in '02,12 step hasnt fit real well,but ,like weve all said,there is some benefit to the support.alot of my deal with resisting going thru that door again ,is,hate to say it,but,my pride(yikes!) i have also not wanted to give up my "social" drinking,but,if it was just as casual as i would like,it wouldnt be such a big deal to give a rest to. i dont really want a bunch of ppl examining my alcohol intake ,but,the truth is,every once in a while,i end up from a social encounter with etoh,and end up drunk,which sucks! that i could do without,so,anywayss,off i go tomorrow,will give a report,hah!love-koko

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Eboka Journals / Re: freshly iboga-nated
« on: December 26, 2010, 10:49:17 AM »
hey yall,thought i would update my progress.i think i threw myself off by stating to drink too soon after the tx.i have had alot of weird calamity,broken bridge in mouth with abcess,will ahve to have a tooth pulled and am looking forward to more pain.but,i stopped drinking altogether,and i am feeling loads better.even tho i rarely got drunk,i think the tax on my system and the cost on my psyche was too high.i am on a little tramadol for my abcessed tooth,but am titrating down,and ever hopeful for being clean again. even tho many considered my tx a failure, i think it has been just alot slower than i thought,but i am getting there,love to all-koko

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Eboka Journals / Re: freshly iboga-nated
« on: October 24, 2010, 01:09:16 PM »
its kinda hard to discuss this,but i have used a few times the last 2 weeks.the noribogaine wore off really quickly for me this time & when reality about money & my other problems snuck in, i did what would bring me relief.i threw away all i had left,i was going to mail the pods to a friend in canada.i did do a booster after the first time.loser isnt the right word i have in mind for myself,but close.i feel so low and unmotivated as a result,so i thought this might be a good first step to get back on the beam.i did discuss it with my therapist,she wanted to know what all was going on prior to using.i got real disappointed in an area of my support group,this is a big issue for me,how to deal with disappointment and hurt.i have worked with my current therapist for over 5 years and many rocky roads,she is well versed with ibogaine and has done it herself,not for addiction ,but to be helpful to the ones that have done ibogaine ,so i consider her a great asset in my recovery process.another trigger ,my best friend suggested we get involved as a couple, and this feels really wierd.i used to do 12 step.i really dont like their whole gig,but the face to face would be nice.i am not asking for anyone to "fix" me,just thought i would open up-koko

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Eboka Journals / Re: freshly iboga-nated
« on: October 12, 2010, 12:35:03 PM »
hi ,its 3 weeks!! i was very focused at work last nite,slept well too,no diarrhea.sems as i adjust and get more balanced,the nor-ibogaine fades away.inevitable eventually. i got on my treadmill to combat the desire to just lay back down & feel considerably better,the stretching helped alot. work,as bland as it is,helps me focus outside myself,and in that ,is therapeutic. today, i feel like,if $ were no object ,i would go to acupuncture school, we shall see as i go,love yall-koko

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General Discussion / Re: Bouncing in and out again
« on: October 10, 2010, 10:35:22 AM »
i am with you love-k

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Eboka Journals / Re: freshly iboga-nated
« on: October 08, 2010, 01:29:34 PM »
hi gd,and tia,the corydalis i save for pain,the achiness is more like stuck qi,which i am now just using exercise & yoga,backed off ganja,for now.want to see where i am at,lol. if i get desperate bought a MENS unit for pain,but it is minor muscle stuff at the most.we'll see,as i work tonite on my least favorite unit. have tomorrow off.love yall-koko

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Eboka Journals / Re: freshly iboga-nated
« on: October 07, 2010, 11:48:38 AM »
hiya,my sleep is getting better now.seems like the supplements are helping alot! i am still having diarrhea,but a little med helps.on my days off,i am in the flow,work is sketchy.maybe im a big crybaby,my job isnt that hard for me,its more like the persona is hard on me,i am trying to release the ol super nurse shelley to the centered nurse within..lol.it was kinda weird working on the detox unit,yikes! i have been using caffeine & mj to help with detox stuff,not as good as being ok with where i am at ,but helping me thru.will keep yall posted...koko

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Eboka Chat / Re: IRC Chat Support + Web Based Clients
« on: October 06, 2010, 11:36:42 AM »
thanks gd,still kinda lost in there,it seems when i put in my username,then do the #eboka,that i am then alone in some room talking to myself (which is nothing new),but a little lonesome,lol

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Eboka Chat / Re: IRC Chat Support + Web Based Clients
« on: October 04, 2010, 10:29:36 AM »
hello yall i agree,i would like to have some place to talk with like minded ones,feel kinda lonely and alone with it all-koko

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Eboka Talk / Re: Relapse?
« on: October 04, 2010, 10:24:52 AM »
hi yall good thread,huh. since i am just 2 weeks in today,i can still freshly remember the desperation,frustration,hopelessness,the way i felt so bitter towards life-yes,that was just over 2 weeks ago,before i did my session.the contrast is amazing indeed,thanks to those here,i got an excellant provider,couldnt have asked to a better pairing,what a gift.no one can talk anybody out of using,but there is a whole nother lifestyle just waiting to be created for you,me & anyone else.what a dark hole i was in,and i wasnt even using diddly,just couldnt feel my essence at all,dead  inside,minus all the drama.wishing you the best-koko

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Eboka Journals / Re: freshly iboga-nated
« on: October 01, 2010, 01:42:02 PM »
As i examine my state,i think some of my lethargy is reluctance,or perhaps the wisdom to enegage my flow from a different source,not the same ol' same ol'. my work is pretty demanding,my first nite back on 3-11,i eneded up going home exhausted at 9:30, my arms like jello, hard to drive,that kinda fatigue.went & got some adrenal cortex extract,looking into cordyceps too.love yall-koko

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Eboka Journals / Re: freshly iboga-nated
« on: October 01, 2010, 10:39:12 AM »
hey all,checking in,went back to work last evening,i am still feeling very fatigued,been on my regular supplements ( and thats alot!),doing ginseng,rhodiola,some aminos,but am very tired,exercising about 1/2 -1 hour walking and started back with stretching & yoga.any ideas how i can recover my stamina?is it just a matter of time? it seems like my previous source of energy-ie my solar plexus has shut down the shop ,and the source is from other areas like my heart & crown chakra,but ,yikes , i go back to my regular schedule in 2 days! i am thoroughly enjoying the slowed down time sequence thingy,but i feel like i am having to force out the will to function again.dont exactly remember it being this way before,maybe the difference in doses and using the ta,or maybe its just where i am at,love yall-koko

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Eboka Journals / Re: freshly iboga-nated
« on: September 30, 2010, 12:41:43 PM »
yeah,kinda quiet huh.wheres GD,tia,etc,? boy i hope that the little bit of ego clashing we had doesnt stop ppl from contributing,that would be such a loss...

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Eboka Journals / Re: freshly iboga-nated
« on: September 30, 2010, 10:38:47 AM »
oh & also,i know sara recommends boosters for depression once a week,do any of yall know the dose on that? i have some ta,lots of rb. when the noribo wears off,i have,in the past,gotten depressed and then-well i am suseptible to lapse,dont want to go there,if a prophylactic would help,i am in-koko

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