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Topics - DiamondHeart

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Compost Pile / Re: IBOGA ROOT BARK OFFER
« on: March 25, 2015, 05:03:41 PM »
No advertising is allowed on this site. You have been told about this before.

http://eboka.info/announcements-news-events/regards-the-suply-of-iboga-root-bark/msg16462/#msg16462



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Eboka Journals / So long entheo…..
« on: May 14, 2014, 11:15:31 PM »
I recently did a one week meditation retreat. last summer, I micro dosed RB during the retreat and had some powerful insights so I decided to repeat the process again only this time I had IW TA.

The first evening I took about 1g of RB then the next 3 evenings, I took 0.1mg of the TA. The only effects I noticed were a bright energy throughout the day. I decided to skip the dose for the 5th night and add it to the stronger dose I had planned for the 6th night.

Friday evening came and I was preparing to take a staggered dose of approx 1.2g TA. At the last minute, I made a rash decision to take the TA all at once. This was not only arrogant but foolish. I do not have sufficient experience with IW TA to mess with the protocol. Time was 8:30pm.

I went to bed and tossed and turned. Around 11:00pm, things started happening. I was lying on my back and the sheet I blanket I had on me felt very heavy - it was like they were shrink wrapped to me body wherever they touched it - felt pretty cool actually. Shortly afterwards the first of a series of hot flashes started. My body would heat up over about a 3 minute period then cool off again. These repeated every couple of hours until about 4am. Some were so intense I broke a sweat.

Started to hear the classic buzzing sound in my right ear whenever I turned over - this concerned me - I was on my own and not set up for a flood and I was supposed to leave the center in 40 hours time and drive myself home. The buzzing got louder but I was still able to move without ataxia so I figured I had dodged the bullet.

At 11:30pm, very weak visions started. They were just dark shadowy images at first then became dark shadowy cartoon like B&W visions. Almost like watching an old film projector that was running frame by frame and the celluloid was burning - there were holes and tears in the images. After a couple of hours of these crappy b&w "visions", I got a clear, sharp color one.

About 18 months ago, when I was about to do kambo for the first time, i was given a Tarot reading. I'm not one for tarot but it was part of the package so I went along. The first type of card asked me a question "where is the hidden diamond?". Several cards later, we ended up with a deck of crystal cards (I'm really not into crystals either so I kinda rolled my eyes at this point). The card I drew was a diamond. I was told to meditate on the questions "Where is the hidden diamond" and "what would it mean to find it?". I wrote these down in a notebook and totally forgot about it once I returned home.

I took this same notebook to the retreat and on the Wednesday, I saw the questions about the diamond and figured I should ask Iboga on friday night.

When the first clear vision started, it didn't seem to be relevant so I asked "Where is the diamond" - it appeared in the vision. I took it and then wondered where to put it. My heart appeared and I put it in the middle. My heart closed around it and then transformed. It was covered in small diamonds and did a 360 to show me that it was covered front and back. I said "Cool, a diamond encrusted heart".Then it hit me on a deeper level.."I have a diamond encrusted heart". End of vision.

Couple more hours of the b&w shadowy stuff that i still couldn't make any sense of. Then a second clear vision started. It was a B&W room, beautifully lit from the side. On the carpet was a baby just old enough to crawl. It turned around and sat down. He was pure innocence - not a harsh word or deed done to him. It was me. I went into the room and played with him for a bit. Then a timeline was drawn from where he was sitting out in an arc to where I am in my life now. As the vision moved along the timeline, every harsh word and deed done to me (by others and those I have done to myself), was lashed into my back and left a scar. By the time I reached the present time, I was bent over and broken under the weight of 2 feet of scars upon scars on my back. I cannot convey the feeling this left me with - talk about raw. End of vision.


In the review stage, I saw the diamond heart clip again then saw the B&W room. I went back into the room and picked him up, told him I would take care of him and walked out of the vision with him, I looked around inside myself for a place to put him, then remembered diamond heart - I locked him in there knowing no harm could reach him inside there.

I then realized how the events of 18 months ago had been brought into context and combined with something extremely personal. Very impressed.

More wispy visions until about 7:30am. I was able to get up and stagger to the bathroom and back - the intensity of the ataxia surprised me as I had no problems moving around in bed and getting my water bottle. Had to stay in bed all day and felt drained and plagued by weird dark images every time I closed my eyes. I started to get frustrated that I couldn't just close my eyes and see blackness. Try to eat part of a banana put brought the little I got down back up a couple of hours later.

Managed to sleep pretty fairly well Saturday night and felt fine when I got up.

I'm not quite sure how to categorize this experience. It had some characteristics of a flood but certainly wasn't even close to one. I have lots to write down about the experience and the idea that come to me in the reflective phase. This has certainly had a big effect on me and will likely do so for a while - have to keep tuning in to what i'm feeling inside, in my heart rather than try to analyze it with my brain.

So entheo_newbie - its been quite a journey these last couple of years but it seems like the right time to lay this handle to rest.

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Eboka Talk / Getting stuck / Incomplete or Partial Flood issues
« on: March 22, 2014, 08:27:08 PM »
Given the events that have transpired over the last few days, I would like to start a thread dealing with experiences folks have had where a true flood wasn't achieved. I recall some posts that have mentioned feelings of being stuck and other mental and physical issues. I think this is an important area to explore, learn from each other and most importantly, educate others so that they have a better idea of what can occur on iboga.

When I attempted my one and only flood, I was taking a couple of grams of RB each hour and my blood pressure and heart rate went through the roof. I remember my heart pounding so hard, I thought it was going to burst, I could almost feel it hitting my sternum. I also experienced some trembling as if I was freezing and while my body temp did probably drop a little, it was not enough to explain the severity of the trembling. Once I started purging, the trembling and sense of being cold stopped and my heart rate started to go down.

I have been told by numerous people that one of the ways you can experience purification on aya is by trembling/shaking - purging is by far the most common method but it is just one of many avenues purification can take. So, to some degree, its possible that the same thing is happening on iboga, the shaking is a form of purification. However, extended and/or much more intense shaking could be a sign of something else going on that isn't good, like an entity attaching itself or past trauma being brought up that the person doesn't have the ability to deal with.

What are your thoughts on this?

What sort of things can happen when the dose is insufficient to break through?

If this has happened to you, what was your experience?

Please ask more questions if this is of interest to you and post your experience if you have had an experience of being stuck or had an incomplete/partial flood.

Take care out there - there's only one of each of you in the universe and you are all precious.

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The Muse / Highly recommended book - Buddha's Brain
« on: March 09, 2014, 01:21:39 PM »
A friend of mine recommended this book and I'm finding it invaluable.

Using proven neuroscience, it explains how your brain works and simple things you can do to change its default behavior to one that leads to a happier you. Right off the bat it explains how the brain is wired to be biased towards negative experiences in order to help our primitive ancestors survive. Those of you who suffer from depression will be happy to know that the optimists of today would have ended up as a dinosaur's happy meal … (I'll take an Oprah Winfrey with large fries to go)

This book is useful for anyone struggling with anxiety or depression but also useful for post flood integration work. I got a copy from my local library - work checking to see if yours has or can get a copy

http://www.amazon.com/Buddhas-Brain-Practical-Neuroscience-Happiness/dp/1572246952

"If you change your brain, you can change your life.

Great teachers like the Buddha, Jesus, Moses, Mohammed, and Gandhi were all born with brains built essentially like anyone else’s—and then they changed their brains in ways that changed the world. Science is now revealing how the flow of thoughts actually sculpts the brain, and more and more, we are learning that it's possible to strengthen positive brain states.

By combining breakthroughs in neuroscience with insights from thousands of years of mindfulness practice, you too can use your mind to shape your brain for greater happiness, love, and wisdom. Buddha's Brain draws on the latest research to show how to stimulate your brain for more fulfilling relationships, a deeper spiritual life, and a greater sense of inner confidence and worth. Using guided meditations and mindfulness exercises, you'll learn how to activate the brain states of calm, joy, and compassion instead of worry, sorrow, and anger. Most importantly, you will foster positive psychological growth that will literally change the way you live in your day-to-day life.

This book presents an unprecedented intersection of psychology, neurology, and contemplative practice, and is filled with practical tools and skills that you can use everyday to tap the unused potential of your brain and rewire it over time for greater well-being and peace of mind."

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The Muse / Lakota Indian Healing Song
« on: September 30, 2013, 04:54:00 PM »
I've been listening to this over and over all weekend...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRBo4Vk9hgU


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The Muse / "No One Lives His Life" Rilke
« on: September 16, 2013, 06:37:32 PM »
No one lives his life.

Disguised since childhood,
haphazardly assembled
from voices and fears and little pleasures,

We come of age as masks.
Our true face never speaks.

Somewhere there must be storehouses
where all these lives are laid away
like suits of armor or old carriages
or clothes hanging limply on the walls.

Maybe all paths lead there,
to the repository of unlived things.

Rainer Maria Rilke

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The Muse / "If Each Day Falls" Pablo Neruda
« on: September 16, 2013, 06:32:02 PM »
If each day falls
inside each night,
there exists a well
where clarity is imprisoned.

We need to sit on the rim
of the well of darkness
and fish for fallen light
with patience.

Pablo Neruda (Chilean, 1904-1973)


         
         


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The Muse / Children say the darnest things...
« on: September 16, 2013, 06:25:17 PM »
Some light for the darkness....

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.  Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand........

The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor." 
It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.

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The Muse / Great book - Plants of the Gods
« on: April 24, 2013, 11:30:24 AM »
Had a chance to look at someone's copy of this book and was very impressed by the quality & depth of information. Closest thing to a entheogenic bible that I've seen. Great artwork and photos accompany text detailing the methods of action and uses of various plants and how they are used by different cultures.

Highly recommended

http://www.amazon.com/Plants-Gods-Sacred-Healing-Hallucinogenic/dp/0892819790


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Eboka Journals / My Weekend of Purging
« on: April 23, 2013, 01:11:12 PM »
Below is an account of my attempt at my first flood. Would definitely be interested in getting some feedback on what I experienced. There was some confusion with my provider/sitter. I thought he was going to give me TA extract in capsules – turned out to be a combo of loose RB and RB in capsules so I did this old school…

A great deal of concern was expressed due to my low resting pulse rate (which actually remained relatively high throughout the weekend). I brought a finger oxygen monitor that also measures the pulse - turned out that my sitter who has flooded several times, has a lower pulse than me - his was in the mid 40s. Oh the irony!

Tuesday & Wednesday
Took 1 gram of RB in capsules a couple of hours prior to doing 2 kambo sessions.
Took another gram in the evening after the kambo

Thursday – rest and prepare for Friday.

Friday
Took 1 gram of RB in capsules a couple of hours prior to doing final kambo session. Waited a couple of hours to recover then took about 6g of my own RB in capsules. About an hour later,  had my BP and pulse taken – BP was 145/95 which is high for me and pulse was 59 (normally 48). No doubt the magnitude of the situation was having an effect! I then took approx 2g of the loose RB. This routine continued every hour and by the fourth hour, BP and pulse increased to 160/90 and pulse of 82. I could feel and hear my heart pounding in my chest – it was easy to count my pulse.

As I got out of bed for the fifth dose, I realized that I was going to purge – I had felt it come on about 20 mins earlier and had been breathing into my stomach to keep it down. I went to the bathroom and up it all came. I have a very vivid image in my mind of kneeling in front of the toilet looking at this dark brown liquid in the bowl with bits of RB floating in it and stuck to the sides of the bowl….

After purging, my BP went down to 133/71, pulse 77. It was 11pm. Now we switched to capsules. Took a couple of grams. This only stayed down for about 30 mins and was the last RB I was given.

The purging started in earnest now. Every 10 – 15 mins, I purged stomach acid which burnt my throat. It just went on and on and was the longest night I can remember. I lost count of the number of times I said “never again” so I guess I met K’s criteria for a good flood purge!

The purging stopped around 7:30am – at 9am I drank some chamomile tea and nibbled on a piece of banana but that all came up about 30 mins later. Stayed in bed and by noon was able to drink some watered down unfiltered apple juice and a slice of melon. Around 3pm, I was talked into trying a little vegetable soup but that turned out to be a bad idea. Went to the bathroom to take a shower and up came the soup.

Saturday evening we started again but this time all caps, no loose bark. Starting BP was 94/62, pulse 62 (still high for me). Took 4g RB in caps. Managed to keep it down until almost time for the next hourly dose. BP for the second dose was 98/57, pulse 63. Took another 4g

The second dose I purged after about 30 mins. BP for third dose was 80/58, pulse 50.
Third dose was purged around the halfway point to the next hourly dose. BP for the fourth dose was 77/48 and was considered to low to safely continue with the Iboga so we stopped there. Purging stopped soon after but I couldn’t sleep – just a nap now and then.

So, clearly something was going on here even though I didn’t flood. The fact that my BP was high then dropped when I started purging the first night and the way it continued to drop on the second night is very interesting. Given that my previous experience with 3 Ayahuasca ceremonies also involved no visions, just purging (including one night that was very similar in intensity to the purging I experienced the first Iboga night), there is obviously some significance to this – that’s just too much of a coincidence. I also found it interesting that my pulse actually increased from normal even on the night that my BP kept falling.

I would very much appreciate hearing from anyone who can shed some light on all this purging I’m going through. Not sure where to go from here – should I try a booster dose in a month or so? When should I next attempt a flood? (not ready to do this anytime soon and besides, don't have the money - may have to wait a year). I was told to continue microdosing for a week after the flood attempt which I did – 2g throughout the day. Didn’t really notice anything, no insights like I was getting when I microdosed the week before the flood. I’m mostly noticing the effects of the kambo which are way stronger than my last series of kambo treatments.

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Eboka Talk / Advice needed for someone who took approx 1.5 g TA
« on: April 16, 2013, 04:39:38 AM »
So the guy I'm staying with did kambo Sunday afternoon then came home and took 1.5g of TA extract that he got from Cerebrus I believe.

This is the most he has taken at one time. He found it hard to breathe during the night if he laid on his side. Didn't have any visions.

Yesterday he had low energy but was able to get out and ride his bike for a while.

This morning he has very low energy and feeling faint, has tingling along his neck and shoulder and sensations of warmth in various parts of his body. He feels better sitting up and being out of bed but is a little worried.

Any advice appreciated.

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Eboka Journals / Taking the plunge....
« on: April 06, 2013, 10:16:16 AM »
It’s been 8 months in the making but I’m finally about to do my first flood or at least attempt to reach flood dose – don’t know if we’ll actually get there. I’ve contacted several providers during that time – from Gabon to Costa Rica and points in between. They all either turned me down right off the bat due to my low heart rate or some other difficulty arose to cause it not to happen. When the 7th potential provider dropped out, I heard the voice of the old me that was ready to give up.

Fortunately, a lot has changed for me since I did kambo and about a 1/3 of a flood dose of RB last November – the changes are subtle but definite and I decided to listen to THAT voice which simply took a breath and continued on. A couple of weeks later, I got an email from the very same person that introduced me to kambo and I asked if it was possible to do a flood with him.

He wasn’t exactly thrilled at the prospect and asked for time to think it over. A long 3 days later, I got the news that he had received a sign that it would be a good thing for me to do so he agreed.

I have been spending the last few weeks reading as many flood experiences as I could find – particularly traditional Bwiti initiations. Been watching my diet, exercising and meditating. I feel so ready for this – strangely calm and very centered – like it’s the right time and place and its meant to be. The microdosing that I’ve done over the last 2 weeks has been amazing - very different from the previous 2 times. It has been a richer and deeper experience - my monkey mind isn’t constantly wondering what will or won’t happen, will I flood or not, will I get the answers I seek? All that stuff has sort of melted in the last couple of days. Even had an important insight into something that has been feeding my pain body. The chains that I allow to bind me seem to be loosening a little – there’s hope for me yet! Attempting this flood is no longer coming from an ego perspective of fixing the problems/issues in my life – it’s the next, natural step in my spiritual development with the spirit of Iboga. I just have to surrender to the process and what happens, happens.

I am going to do kambo 2 days in a row (Tuesday & Wednesday), have a day to rest, do kambo again Friday morning and then slowly start taking TA probably in the afternoon. Hopefully all that kambo will kick down the door for the Iboga and enable me to flood on a relatively low dose. There’s only one way to find out...!

There are several people on this forum who have helped me tremendously without even knowing it. Many thanks to all of you.

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General Discussion / Experienced Sitters in CA?
« on: December 22, 2012, 03:13:17 PM »
Any experienced sitters in CA? Please PM me

thanks

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General Discussion / Stating your Intention
« on: December 12, 2012, 04:20:19 PM »
Prior to doing a flood, how do you state your intention? Is it better to have a general intention or a very specific one or something in between?

I could see someone stating something like "I'd like emotional healing" or at the other extreme, making very specific multiple requests for what they are hoping Iboga will help them with.

Is it best to take the Iboga then state your intention to yourself or can you do it a little ahead of time?

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Micro-Dosing / 30 day microdosing regimen
« on: December 02, 2012, 09:40:43 PM »
So last week I did Kambo for the first time (an amazing experience that I will write about in the Kambo forum). I also took 30g of RB over the 4 days that I did the Kambo.

I took approx 2.5 grams at night after my first Kambo, approx 7.5 grams the 2nd and 3rd nights and the remainng 12.5 grams on the 4th and last night of my Kambo experience.

Prior to this I had microdosed 350mg RB each morning for a couple of weeks, taken a week off then did the same thing for a couple of weeks just prior to Kambo. So this was a considerable increase in dosage for me. I didn't have any physical effects at all (no tracers etc) - one night I had an interesting dream and another night I saw a bunch of random images. It wasn't until the last night where I took the 12.5 grams that I apparently hit pay dirt. I was unable to sleep that night (not sure if it was the RB or the Kambo or the combination of the two) so I spent the entire night just lying there with my eyes closed. Iboga revealed something very personal and profound to me that I'd prefer not to go into on a public forum but suffice to say I think it may have changed and certainly saved my life. The following 2 days were blissful.

So, now I think it would be good to continue microdosing. I'm thinking of taking about 1 gram every night just before bed. I only have 22 grams (need to find some good RB soon!). Will let you know how it goes but any suggestions welcomed.

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