Author Topic: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences  (Read 7485 times)

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Offline gremletlove

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Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« on: February 14, 2015, 03:42:49 PM »
I completed my second iboga flood a month and a half ago. It was beautiful, and I am well. First the darkness:

I am a 45 year old woman. At the time of the first flood, my story was that I was going to do iboga to quit smoking, but it wasn’t really true. I just knew I had to do it but couldn’t understand why. I had drunk ayahuasca about 20 times at that point.

The first flood was a miserable experience. I had almost no visions. I spent 36 hours lying on a mattress while broken and meaningless sentences tumbled through my head, overlapping one another. At the very end, there was a single clear and complete sentence that repeated five times: Your mother is dead.I was mystified. I had not spoken to my mother in several years, but I knew she was quite alive.

I felt destroyed in the two months that followed the flood. I had a hard time doing anything other than sitting around crying and not understanding why. It began to spontaneously dawn on me that my mother is a psychopath. The truth of it was brutal and suddenly quite obvious. I came to understand what iboga had told me about her being dead, but I still couldn’t get myself back on track. I went to Peru and drank ayahuasca, knowing that there was more to face, but not knowing what it was. I was terrified to look at it, but also desperate, and just barely managed to get myself there.

More devastation. I recovered a memory of my mother almost killing me when I was a baby. (The scar is another riddle solved). I re-experienced the trauma and then spent the rest of that ceremony shuffling through every memory from early childhood into adulthood when she had let her psychopathy show, and I had missed the sign because I didn’t really know what a psychopath was.

I came home and slid fully into a nervous breakdown. I feared that I was losing my mind. Starting with the iboga flood, this whole process took a year. I went to work (most of it from home), and that was about it.
When I emerged fully from the breakdown, life looked clear and bright, and I knew I had banished the shadow that had been secretly trailing me for my entire life. Like magic, I got a new job, new house, new city, and they are all better for me than the ones I shed. Even as I was still coming out of the fog, I knew that the suffering had been important and worthwhile. I am really not the same person anymore.

Almost two years after the first flood, I went for round two. Considering what had happened the first time, I was a tad bit scared  :), but I was hearing the call.

In the hour before the ceremony began, I was filled with this incredible sense of well-being. The fear was completely gone. It was amazing. I had visions of repeatedly pushing a dolly stacked with boxes of files that I knew belonged to my family. I would propel it down a wooden dock and push it over the end into the water over and over. (Who knew there were  so many?!) There were things I have no idea how to interpret like funny, nonsensical TV commercials that I can no longer remember. I was seeing Technicolor 50’s photographs in which I could hear all of the people in the pictures thinking petty, hypocritical thoughts, and it all struck me as absurd. I was purging quite a bit while all of this was going on.

The spirit of iboga appeared to me but stayed just out of my peripheral vision. The only part of him I was allowed to see was a human hand. We talked and joked about lots of things, and he told me we would know each other for many lifetimes to come. I said, “What?!!” and he just laughed hard.

He very lovingly laughed at me for thinking the experience would probably be excruciating and doing it anyway. He said he admired my determination. I felt enveloped in pure love by him.

We went for a ride in his spaceship, and he seemed to enjoy startling me by blowing up asteroids with laser beams. Near the end of the ceremony, he gave me a birthday cake, and it had a single candle on it.

The world seems full of magic to me right now. I am deeply and eternally grateful to iboga. I feel almost constantly full of gratitude for all of this life.

Thanks for listening.

Offline RhythmSpring

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2015, 04:22:35 PM »
Wow! Your story is very inspiring. I might have some questions later, but for now I'll just chew on this. Beautiful.

Offline mudhen

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2015, 04:36:07 PM »
Welcome back, lady. Sounds like you really cleared out the pipes, took care of so much. :)

Offline holybark

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2015, 02:11:50 AM »
That was beautiful. I'm so happy for you.
I'm not in your trap, I'm in my own trap.

Offline DiamondHeart

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2015, 04:18:21 PM »
What a beautiful and inspiring post - thanks for sharing that with us.

I continue to be amazed by 2 things: 1) the healing power of iboga and the strange & mysterious ways it works 2) the depth of courage and determination that the human spirit is capable of.

Enjoy your new life. You have worked hard for it and deserve it.

Offline gremletlove

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #5 on: February 21, 2015, 10:45:01 PM »
Thanks for all of the kind responses!  :)

Offline mo

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #6 on: February 24, 2015, 02:14:21 PM »
thank you gremletlove, wonderful!
in a universe like ours, to beings like us, the idea of a god dying can be quite liberating

Offline lalababa

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #7 on: February 27, 2015, 08:18:33 PM »
gremletlove,

Thank you for writing this.  It was VERY moving and brought me to tears.  I love that you realized a long time later that Iboga was helping you even though the experience was miserable after the first flood.

The second flood resonates with me very much, I felt Ibogas love DEEPLY, I fell in love with "him" .. I saw Pee Wee Herman Say "Then why don't ya marry it!  haha" it is funny how so many of us just know that it is a male spirit!  I even had similar visions of garbage being flushed away into a vast ocean.

I am curious to how your relationship is now with your mother or if she is "dead" to you now.  If you no longer have any contact with her, I would understand.  Iboga is wise!

I think that we women sometimes have more blissful experiences with Iboga than a lot of men and I am curious as to why.  I have some thoughts on it, even more so after reading this.  I wonder if it has something to do with of the masculine spirit and our relationship with our fathers ?  It is so fascinating to me.  I know that some men have blissful experiences during a flood but hearts, confetti and PeeWee Herman, like I have? I doubt it.  ;)

lalababa

Offline gremletlove

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2015, 04:07:22 AM »
Lalababa,

Your PeeWee Herman vision made me laugh out loud. That is weirdly beautiful. I am in love with Iboga, too. I feel like he is my best friend. He sometimes still tells me jokes and gives me advice since I've come home.

I don't see my mother. I spent a long time trying to help her but have realized she is the only one who can do that. I feel like one of the many things iboga has shown me is how to become my own parent. It's a hell of a lot of responsibility :)

Offline lalababa

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #9 on: March 02, 2015, 11:26:31 PM »
Hi gremletlove!

Yes, I still laugh every time I think about it!  at first, I was embarassed by it and didn't even write about that vision in my write up.. I did but when back and took it out but soon after I realized how great it was my sister and I used to say it all the time to each other growing up so much so that I tried to never say that I loved something inanimate

I think it is good that you do not speak with your mother, at least for now.  Iboga pretty much told you to stay away, that she was dead to you..or should be, not in the literal sense anyways..but you know what I mean.. that is what I gathered anyway. I sure am glad you listened when you felt Iboga calling you again!  Not many people would go into it for a second time after having a first experience like yours.  Bravo!

Much Love,
lala

Offline Ratu

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #10 on: March 20, 2015, 11:03:43 AM »
Thank you very much for describing your experience ! It is very helpful and interesting. I have a very good mother and i had seen her in my Iboga visions as crying. It was two or three times i saw her. Only crying. ANd first time she was asking for a roses. She said in tears "where are roses ? i need RED ROSES !" Still cannot really figure out what was the meaning of that. Maybe LOVE..

Also weird i feel the Iboga spirit as with no sex, no male no female. I feel it Universal or as collective consiousness of mine. I dont feel is as something separate from me. I feel its me and all that is.
« Last Edit: March 20, 2015, 11:05:14 AM by Ratu »

Offline RhythmSpring

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #11 on: March 21, 2015, 09:22:19 PM »
Have you considered actually giving your mother a rose?

Offline Ratu

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #12 on: March 27, 2015, 06:40:28 PM »
funny thing after half of year i was going to visit my mom and wanted sooooooo much to buy her roses in a pot as a present, but bought different thing. Then i asked if she would like such present. She said she had roses but they died, dont remember if all of them. But i felt its a symbol, not a direct message. She loves roses very much but that visual meant something much more impirtant and very deep. Cant understand it using my mind. And even more it feels like that visual was not about her, but me. Weird.

Offline Ratu

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #13 on: March 27, 2015, 06:42:47 PM »
or maybe not weird. because our parents are parts of us so whatever they show its something inside of us . so part of me was probably very depressed back then or even more - somewhere deep inside in my past lives.

Offline RhythmSpring

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Re: Two Floods, Two Very Different Experiences
« Reply #14 on: March 27, 2015, 09:15:25 PM »
Sometimes a simple act (such as giving a rose) can be packed with all sorts of messages that get transferred subconsciously between people, when the act is completed. It's important to do the things you are drawn to do even though you don't know why.