Author Topic: late entry  (Read 3442 times)

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Offline mushroom

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late entry
« on: August 09, 2010, 08:15:11 AM »
I'm not sure if the winner has been drawn yet, or if this will even be accepted, but I figured it was worth a try.

The Allegory of the Dark Room

   Iboga had the door wide open for me. For almost ten years I was in that dark room. It is an old story, often told, but since I had been in that room so long, I wasn't really aware of anything different.
   One morning I woke up and noticed a dim light casting a ray under the door into my room. I could remember what light was from when I was younger. Suddenly there was something other than darkness, at least the idea that there could be something other than darkness.
   The next day the light was gone. I knocked on the door. "Could you turn that light back on?" I asked. It remained dark. I thought for a long time about what I had seen.
   Every day after that for months I would anticipate the light, but it wouldn't show again. Eventually I began to think that it must have been a dream, there was no light.
   Weeks went by and I decided I really needed to see that light again. I meditated on it, I prayed for it to return, I would try to remember what it looked like, visualize it. I could see in my mind what I thought it looked like, I came to understand there was something that could help me find it again. It's name was Iboga, and every day I would say it's name and pray for it to help me.
   More weeks went by, and months. I met other people who had seen the light, who had been helped by Iboga, and learned of it's nature. With everything I heard and read I put more and more intention out into the world for the spirit to come find me, to help me.
   Eventually I had in my hand the thing I had been wanting for what seemed like ages. I took this strange, bitter powder and the door blew open emanating the most brilliant, shining, all illuminating light. It took a bit for my eyes to adjust, it had been so long since I had known such light, it was hard to face all at once.
   After I got used to it I peered into the room. Inside was a world of magic, spirituality, strange and wonderful things. Emotions, love and happiness. Grand ideas, gnosis and wisdom. The more I looked the farther the room seemed to stretch out, it contained only the most wonderful things. Things I had heard existed, but never experienced for myself.
   I walked a few steps into the bright room, looking back into my old room I couldn't believe how I lived in there for so long. It seemed so damned dark now, but I realized it had just been normal since I had never really seen light like this. I shut the door behind me, but I forgot to lock it.
   I lived in that light room for a few months. I learned so many things, I grew as a person more in a few months than I had in the previous few years. Everyday was something new, somthing exciting. I no longer wanted to read books, but instead to talk or make music. Life was new, exciting, wonderful and strange. There was always something to explore.
   For some strange reason after the weeks went by I started to think about my old room. I thought I might like to visit there again, just to compare the two again. I figured I could just crack the door and peer in, just to see if it was the same as I left it. Curiosity.
   I cracked the door and peered inside, it was totally dark and I couldn't see a thing in there. I shut it immediately and thought it seemed pretty strange; I remember there being stuff in there, but it was so dark I couldn't see anything.
   As more time went on I became more and more curious, I forgot what was in the room, and since it was so dark I couldn't tell just by peering in. I decided I would have to step in there again to get a better look.
   I opened the door and took a step in. It was the same: too dark to see. I thought maybe if I went right in and closed the door my eyes would adjust to the darkness and I could see better. 
   I went in and shut the door behind me. It locked and now I can't get back.

Offline roy d

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Re: late entry
« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2010, 12:15:58 PM »

Hi Mushroom,

I believe that's called a relapse, it happens.  If it were not for relapses there would be no addiction.  Ibo does not always work the first time.  No sense in beating yourself up, see if you can see what triggered your return to the darkroom.

Best of luck,

 Roy

Offline Calaquendi

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Re: late entry
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2010, 02:40:14 PM »
That is a beautiful description of a difficult and not too uncommon scenario, mushroom. I'm sorry you felt drawn back into that room, but I can identify with everything you said about it. You worded it beautifully. At the very least, you know there IS light, and that there are ways you can find it again. These things happen man, and as long as you keep trying you can never lose. Best of luck to you and thanks for the awesome post. By the way, I've extended the drawing for the remainder of the week - we'll draw on Friday the 13th...somehow seems appropriate haha. At least it's a day I can remember that something important is going down...seems I have short term memory issues sometimes...where was I?
" I am you and what I see is me..."

Offline x

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Re: late entry
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2010, 11:51:00 PM »
(((hugs))) for mushroom and gf!!!

Offline Eon T McKnight

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Re: late entry
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2010, 11:59:48 PM »
Excellent post, mushroom!

A most enjoyable read.  Have you ever considered writing as a profession?

Good luck in the drawing!

Eon

Offline mushroom

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Re: late entry
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2010, 03:24:47 PM »
Thanks for the nice replies. I have long considered writing as a profession and I used to self publish little poetry packets in my younger days. For the past number of years(pretty much since I started opiates) I have not had the discipline to sit down and write everyday, which is essential for developing that art.