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Messages - evolutionofone

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1
You can maintain a casual habit before you get addicted, after that its over.  You have to learn to be ok with life without opiates.  For me I had to really learn how to fear opiates, at this point I'm scared to even take them for even a medical procedure.  Also it takes a very long time after getting clean for your body/brain to even get back to normal, though it will never be normal like a person who has never had an addiction. 

A lot of people think that because they've been clean for 3 months, 6 months even a year that its like starting over with a clean slate........but it doesn't work that way.  You will have a low tolerance initially, but that's it.  Once you've been addicted, especially long term & multiple times you will start getting withdrawals very quickly after only a few days of use, while they may not be the worst withdrawals they will be uncomfortable enough(coupled with the intense cravings you will get)to make you want to keep using & send you right back into addiction.  Once you're pickled you can never be a cucumber!

2
Eboka Talk / Re: Permanant blank mind
« on: February 21, 2014, 12:27:15 AM »
I had problems being able to log in here for a while, plus I've been feeling shitty so my apologies for not posting sooner.  Anyway, I've had a lot of the similar issues as missjess, & have spoken with her about it many times privately since last year.  I don't exactly have a permanent blank mind, though I do feel pretty spaced out much of the time & have only what I can describe as brain/fog fatigue, simply thinking & communicating requires a lot of extra effort a lot of the time & my brain doesn't feel like doing it.  I have cognitive difficultly in addition to numbness tingling in my limbs, & my limbs feel very weak.  I believe I have hppd as well, I see afterimages a few seconds after closing my eyes, this happens when looking at any object, my hand etc not just light sources. 

At night the visual disturbances are stronger, & I see static like disturbances & things turn pretty much black with static if I stare at them.  Even behind closed eyes things are off.  There's other stuff too but a bit hard to describe.  These visual things are not a major issue, I can live with it.....but what worries me is what else might possibly be altered neurologically since this has gone on so long since I've taken iboga.  I haven't taken iboga since my last flood in late 2012, when I had a horrible experience & went to the hospital.

I regularly feel almost like you do during the early onset of a psychedelic experience & kinda in-between at times which can make reality difficult.   I've had ringing in my ears ever since iboga too.   I have some health/physical issues as well some of which may or may not be iboga-related.  I haven't been able to function normally for a long time now, 2013 being the worst of it.   One of the toughest things to deal with has been extreme fatigue, to the point where I have to push my body to do anything physical. At most I can go on a walk here & there, anything more physical like running is just out of the question.  Its a real struggle & its always like that everyday, seriously feels like the physical energy/life force has been sucked out of me.  My body is very out of balance & unable to do what my soul wants & its torture. 

3
General Discussion / Re: Post-flood complications/still tripping?
« on: October 09, 2013, 02:00:49 AM »
No offense taken Kampum, I understand what you were trying to convey.  I think a warning/harm reduction thread about potential long-term effects is needed & I would be happy to contribute my experience, & I know there are at least a few others who will as well.  I've seen too many people coming on this forum & elsewhere looking to flood for more or less minor reasons or to have an enlightening experience.  As you said, iboga is not to be taken on a whim, rushed into, nor to be used recreationally.  To do so is to play with your neurochemistry.  I think before anyone even makes the decision to flood they should spend a lot of time researching & understanding potential risks, speak with others etc. 

If they still decide they want to take iboga, a small dose of iboga root bark(not TA or HCL)might be taken(after having a full checkup & speaking with someone knowledgeable)& then wait days or longer to see how it effects them & if there are any negative or unusual reactions.   Even if there are no negative reactions there's not a guarantee a flood won't have/cause complications or go badly, but I think this is a safer option then giving a test dose & then a flood dose a few hours later the same day.  Once you flood, as I've found out the hard way, there's no undoing it & it takes a very long time before iboga is no longer active in your system in one way or another.  Better safe than sorry.   

4
General Discussion / Re: Post-flood complications/still tripping?
« on: October 08, 2013, 07:08:32 PM »
Kampum, I believe that in a culture such as Bwiti where iboga has been used for many generations that children are possibly born with some type of tolerance & their systems may be more accepting of it.  It may be true that iboga simply meshes better with their brain chemistry from generations of use & their brains are better evolved to handle iboga.  I think this is possibly why they can handle such large doses for initiation.  I know there are cases of westerners going to Gabon for initiation & it being much more than they can handle, with at least one death of an otherwise healthy young woman during her initiation that I'm sure has been discussed here before.

For those outside of Gabon, & who are not Bwiti, Pygmy etc and want to use iboga I think extreme caution should be taken & toxic doses can vary greatly for everyone.  It is a very powerful plant & I don't think anyone can truly appreaciate how powerful it truly is until they have seen & felt first hand what iboga is capable of.  I would hate to think I'm being punished.......though I did overdo it with iboga & there is nobody to blame but myself for the situation I'm in.  I remember reading somewhere(maybe here?)that an antidote exists to undo iboga's action or help flush it out of the body/brain?  I know I've read about atropine being given to reverse effects, but that may only to help during an actual flood? I'm not really sure.

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General Discussion / Re: Post-flood complications/still tripping?
« on: October 08, 2013, 08:06:02 AM »
I have been MIA from the forums for a while, my life has really been a mess,  but I had to reply here.  I have all of these symptoms the OP explains, every one of them, except that the sensation he describes I feel instead on my frontal lobe area, plus brain fog, an extreme sensitivity to sound, anxiety when driving & some other neurological & circulatory problems that may or may not be iboga related.  The mental stuff still going on with me is much of the same things you feel when taking iboga, the spaced out feeling, swirling thoughts, the terrible memory problems.  I feel borderline brain dead at times.  I made the choice to take it, so I can't blame iboga.  I think iboga potentially has the ability to do great things for some people but it effects everyone differently.  It is a great tool for addiction but now I have even worse problems. 

That being said I don't think enough is known about iboga's long term effects.  I know from my own experience that it seems to be active in the brain for much longer than is stated in any information I read.  I think dosage is crucial, & things can definitely go bad if you overdo it as well.   It has been a little over 10 months since my last flood & I am still having all these issues.  Iboga is extremely long acting, its foolish to compare it to any other entheogens.  I do believe its possible to do longterm or permanent damage to yourself if too large a dose is taken, or if iboga simply doesn't mesh well with your specific neurochemistry, which is not something you will necessarily know until you take it.   This is a really scary thing to have this happen & my life has been turned upsidedown.  I plan to get checked out by a neurologist as soon as I can get health insurance.  To the OP, I wish you the best, & hope you have had some type of improvement or possibly found treatment to help.  I can relate & I hope you come back & keep us updated.   

6
General Discussion / Re: 10 days post flood, little sleep,
« on: January 08, 2013, 12:30:26 AM »
verynortyboy, Just wanted to put my experience out there, so you or others can have an easier time. Ok so you were on methadone, its very good that you did have 5 weeks off it before your flood, that will most definitely cause you less suffering. I came off a year of suboxone in late 2011, & I only had a little over 2 weeks on sao before my flood.  It was very tough, for the first month it was a struggle to get up & move ANYWHERE, getting up to walk to the bathroom, standing etc. The second month was just slightly better.  I didn't quite follow how long you were on methadone? Was it 2 years, & 27 on street/short acting opiates, or vice versa?
The insomnia is really rough man, I feel your pain.  After the first month it should be much better though. Sleep will come I promise!  After that its the lethargy that is really hard, especially with long acting opiates it tends to drag out a while.  Its gonna take time to get back to normal, you just have to stick with it.

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Eboka Talk / Re: music?
« on: January 08, 2013, 12:03:00 AM »
Personally I always listened to music during my floods, not usually early on during the most extreme physical stuff, purge etc, but later on once I felt more comfortable.  I had never listened to traditional Bwiti music etc during my floods, I would have been open to it, but I always listened to what I had on my mp3 player. With Iboga was beautiful & sounded very special at the right times during a flood, it flows right into your soul it seems.  Its very different from the way music sounds & effects me on other entheogens/psycheldics, for example, I found that when an aggressive song came on, punk, metal etc I had to immediately change it.  I could not take that aggressive energy in that state, it was much too overwhelming.  Relaxing & positive music is ideal in my experience.

8
General Discussion / Re: 10 days post flood, little sleep,
« on: January 07, 2013, 11:05:06 PM »
Thank you KP!  I feel I do as well.  My mother recently told me she had more than one person tell her(strangers while we were out in public)that I had an aura or glow/light, & that god has a special plan for me.  I was shocked & suprised to hear this to say the least, but it made me feel good inside.  I think how you have said you have a unique connection or calling with Iboga/Kambo, I feel this with Caapi.  It just feels right to me, like pure universal happiness/oneness. Its hard to even explain.  I will start a Caapi thread here & share my experience, I think its needed.

9
General Discussion / Re: Flooding & Depression ?
« on: January 07, 2013, 10:26:51 PM »
Caapi works extremely well for depression, you can use low dose caapi with great results.  This is a much safer option to flooding with Iboga, if I were you I would give the Caapi a try first, especially if you are looking for depression relief.  I don't believe flooding is neccessary.  I have flooded multiple times & nothing has made me feel as good mentally as Caapi does.  Not to mention Caapi is much more affordable in comparison.

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General Discussion / Re: 10 days post flood, little sleep,
« on: January 05, 2013, 03:32:15 AM »
verynortyboy, Keep it up, sounds like you're on the right path.  I wouldn't worry about multiple floods, just stay positive & concentrate on staying clean, take it one day at a time.  Don't expect or plan to flood again unless its absolutely neccessary.  If you're not coming off long acting opiates like methadone or suboxone you shouldn't need to flood again anyway, maybe some boosters after awhile & you should be ok.   

In my experience, once you see how effective Iboga is, it can became kind of a crutch.  I know it did for me.  What I mean is,(especially when you have Iboga on hand)it becomes very easy to start thinking,  "Hey, I'm gonna use a little bit & if it gets out of hand I'll just flood again"  I'm not proud to admit it, but I've definitely done that more than once in the past & I'm probably not the only one.  Its a bad idea to do this & only makes recovery a harder & longer road.  I'm actually glad I have no Iboga(and don't plan to)partly because of that.  I don't even want it to be an option for me anymore.  The goal with using Iboga for addiction should be to make it a one-shot treatment if possible, not to rely on it.

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General Discussion / Re: 10 days post flood, little sleep,
« on: January 05, 2013, 03:06:51 AM »
KP, Caapi has been amazing for me mentally, & even with the physicall problems I've been having I have been able to stay positve. I'm sorry I didn't start with it sooner!  I think it would be incredibly beneficial to addicts post withdrawl, especially with opiates.  Being depressed & dealing with physical withdrawl/paws simultaneously is terrible, but if you feel good mentally it makes things incredibly easier.  Iboga is great mentally as well, especially with cravings, but for me Caapi just makes me very happy & love life in a different way.  Its like an afterglow everyday! The level of happiness I get with Caapi I did not get with Iboga, maybe close to it for a day or so after a flood but that was it. Caapi blissful for me, & not only that but I feel much more in tune/sensitive to the good/bad energies of other people.

I feel so much better socially with people now, I used to be pretty quiet not very social at all with strangers & have a tough time meeting/approacing women especially unless I drank alchohol.  I feel much more comfortable now, its like the fear is gone. For the first time in my life I have been enjoying myself at parties with friends without drinking, which is huge for me.  In the past I felt so awkward and uncomfortable around others who were drinking when I was sober. This is huge for anyone with drug/alcohol addictions, being able to have fun & be happy without drinking or drugs!

I also am much more conscious of any negativity or anger I start to feel, if I get angry driving for example(I can have a bad temper)I'm quick to check myself.  It really helps me be a better human being & feel so much alive.  I have really been projecting positivity & good things have been happening to me.  Music has just been amazing as well. Caapi has got to be the best anti-depressant on the planet.  It is tragic that Caapi is not widely used for depression.  I am unsure about long daily term use & some Nexians experienced with Caapi/Aya recommended cycling up to 3 weeks on & 1 off.  So I'm taking this week off as I'd been taking caapi for 3 weeks daily.  If I knew for sure it was safe I'd take it almost every day.  I don't think you'd even need to take it every day for antidepressant properties, I just feel extra extra good on the days I take it!

12
General Discussion / Re: How necessary a sitter is?
« on: January 05, 2013, 02:08:44 AM »
Look, regardless of his other health issues, Ibogaine played a major role in Jason Sears death & he would very likely had not of died if he hadn't taken it.  You seem very stubborn about believing that there is a real risk of death with Iboga.  No one is overstating these risks, its that you don't appear to accept or believe them.  I just happened to use the example of Jason Sears, but it has happened to other people who were healthy.  There is another case of a healthy young woman who went to Africa & died during an initiation ceremony, no health problems, was not an addict and she died.  I have lost my patience & I'm not gonna go digging around for the specific info, but it happened & there have been others as well.

Large doses of Iboga specifically are very hard on the body, & the initiation doses can be toxic. I also don't believe many westerners & others who don't have a history of use Iboga in their culture like the Bwiti can necessarily handle the huge initiation doses as they can.  I get the impression you want to keep pushing the envelope with this & I hope for your own sake nothing seriously bad happens to you, but based on your responses it seem like you're only going to end up learning the hard way.  No one here wants to see anyone get hurt or die, if we didn't care we would not be responding this way.

I'll tell you one thing, I've have never in my life felt I was actually going to die until my last flood.  I felt my body beginning to shut down, & had a gut feeling I was facing death......looking at the room I was in, saying to myself this is really it, my life is over & I was not ready for it. I thought about my family finding me lying dead in that room with a bucket of vomit on the floor.  I felt helpless if it was to be my time.  I cannot stress how awful & scary that was to go through.  Iboga is an amazing plant/medicine/teacher & has done some great things for me, freed me from addiction & been amazing spiritually etc but I am scared to death to ever flood again, nor do I think I want or need to. 


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General Discussion / Re: How necessary a sitter is?
« on: January 04, 2013, 12:23:04 PM »
Dusttrust since you seem to think you cannot die from Iboga unless you choke on your own vomit, here is a documented case for you:

"A 38 year old Santa Barbara man died Tuesday, Jan 31 2006 while receiving treatment at an alternative detox clinic that primarily serves U.S. citizens struggling with drug addictions.  Jason Sears died in a Tijuana clinic where he was being treated with ibogaine, a drug derived from a West African plant that can help overcome addiction and withdrawal.  The cause of death was pulmonary thrombosis, according to an autopsy report.  Jason Sears was an American punk rock vocalist best known for his work with Rich Kids on LSD."

Also: "Deaths attributed to ibogaine use have been reported in medical literature. But such reports are hard to document because much of the ibogaine treatment is done clandestinely".  So the real figures are obviously not out there. Maybe its time to post a harm reduction thread with documented Ibogaine deaths, I can think of at least 3 or 4 that have happened in the last 6-8 years. This is nothing to play with, you have been warned.






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General Discussion / Re: How necessary a sitter is?
« on: January 04, 2013, 12:09:45 PM »
Dusttrust seems to have the attitude that he is invicible.  Another thing which needs to be mentioned, aside from all the other possible complications such as  that can arise from Iboga, such as: a pronounced drop in blood pressure, seizures and cardiovascular collapse(all have been reported) is that it can also be toxic in large enough doses.  My recent flood in which I ended up in the hospital, I took my largest dose yet.  Like others have mentioned, reactions vary every time you flood, you can not expect the same reaction/result based on prior experiences.

You cannot compare Iboga to mushrooms, Ayahuasca or anything else, you are obviously unaware of how powerful & potentially dangerous a flood dose can be.  The point Cal, & others are trying to make to you, is that by itself, Iboga can potentially cause death.  There are no cases of mushrooms killing anyone, they are not toxic.  MAOI interactions are a real possibility with Ayahuasca you are right about that, though as long as one follows a proper diet etc, Ayahuasca itself is not toxic.

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Introductions / Re: 3 Floods in the past 6 months, you may call me B-Unit
« on: January 04, 2013, 12:27:58 AM »
Its good you don't plan to flood anymore, I would even stay away from low dose/microdose Iboga.  If you need a mental boost caapi works great, better than iboga for me.  Unfortunately I'm unable to battle the fatigue, as nothing works for me.  I've done Kambo, many times, not since my recent flood but earlier this year. Maybe its worth another shot.  Its a struggle to do anything & my body fights me everyday.  I've been feeling this way for a long time since Iboga.  Even when I was on opiates the last few months of 2012(since iboga)I still felt fatigued & had the tingling/numbness in my legs. Its like my legs feel like I've been walking/running all day, all of the time. No relief ever.

I haven't been able to work or function normally because of it, I can't stand for any length of time & have very low energy levels always. The extent of my exercising is going for walks as long as I can stand it, thats about all I can handle.  Running, lifting weights etc is out of the question for me.  I used to be pretty active, even when addicted to opiates before I used Iboga my energy levels were much more normal. I don't even know what it feels like to be normal anymore, its incredibly frustrating. Throughout this year I've changed my diet multiple times & whether I was eating healthy or not I feel the same as far as my low energy levels & lethargy. Yes I meant 6 months off opiates.  I'm honestly beginning to wonder if I'll ever feel normal again, I feel like everyday is waste for me.   

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