Health & Lifestyle => Staying Clean => Topic started by: lightswitchedon on October 08, 2012, 10:45:30 AM

Title: Depression, Boredom and Lonliness
Post by: lightswitchedon on October 08, 2012, 10:45:30 AM
After years of being on opiates these are the troublesome things that make living day to day life difficult.  How does everyone else cope with this after opiates?  Even with work and NA friends, other friends....it doesn't matter, the feelings are there.   They are a void of some sort and I think the void was present prior to when the using began.

Forget the source of the void (spiritual longing possibly), what have others done to move forward drug-free?  I know all recovering or ex opiate addicts know the feeling.

Title: Re: Depression, Boredom and Lonliness
Post by: fritzerman on October 08, 2012, 01:17:28 PM

Boy, you got right to the point with the $64,000 question. I wish I had the answer. I've tried a lot of different vitamins, supplements and prescription medications, but have found nothing really effective against the lonely depressed feeling. I've read of some people having success with a dopamine agonist, but it didn't do anything for me. I sure wish I had the answer to your question. The problem seems to be a theme for people involved with opiate addiction, and as you say, was a problem most of us had before the use of opiates and probably the main contributing cause for using.

The question you pose is a good one for discussion. I've seen it discussed on a number of forums, but have yet to see a consensus as to a good solution/treatment. I look forward to reading the input of others.
Title: Re: Depression, Boredom and Lonliness
Post by: ready2stop on October 08, 2012, 05:10:28 PM
I hope someone is able to post some positive, effective techniques as well to combat these relentless feelings of boredom & blah...  After thinking about my relapse, I'm pretty certain this is what caused it.  I remember thinking how very bored I was in the few days prior and felt so frustrated with not feeling "normal" after what seemed like a ridiculous amount of time.  I wanted to become more mentally focused, more motivated, and definitely more spiritually awakened/closer to God after getting clean.  Well after 5 weeks, I experienced none of these.  Just bored, lonely, and frustrated... 

Nevertheless, I'm going to to face it again/deal with these feelings again (with you) beginning tomorrow.   If I ever find anything in the future to combat these feelings, I will surely share with you and the rest of the guys/gals here.  I wish you the best in finding some peace of mind.
Title: Re: Depression, Boredom and Lonliness
Post by: Calaquendi on October 09, 2012, 07:54:15 PM
This is right in line with a thread I posted here about 'triggers' - things which are dangerous, slippery areas and which often are prelude to relapse...

I know that Time is the undisputed champion for beating the piss out of these things, but rarely have I personally hacked intense feelings over long stretches without the aid of some kind of chemical, even if it were not my DOC...

I've been checking out some interesting things on alternative methods for post addictiocn tx - almost everything I come across is diet-related. We as addicts -forgive the generalization but I believe it to be true - traditionally paid little attention to what we put into our bodies. Iboga, and just getting clean in general will put us back into the meat sack, often with new perspectives but we still must do the footwork.

Exercise and diet - mainly we want to replenish alot of minerals we have been deficient in - things like magnesium, calcium and potassium. Magnesium is of particular importance for men.

I have shitty dental problems - God has seen fit to relinquish/repossess my teeth on a very strict schedule, one that I cannot possibly keep up with, and this affects my diet alot. But I am supplementing with muscle milk and whey protein and other vitamins, this is only a recent development so we shall see what we see...

Discipline - another serious area I have lacked - any discipline, some kind of real commitment to myself and well being come-what-may. Some kind of spiritual daily devotion, whatever this looks like to you - would be of great benefit. I have seen this so many times with guys I would have though would precede me to the grave by years.

Addiction IS a feelings disorder, it truly is, and requires a deep process to become healed of. I have despaired many times, but I am still here by God. And I am glad you all are too.
Title: Re: Depression, Boredom and Lonliness
Post by: ready2stop on October 09, 2012, 08:12:26 PM
Well my first day back on the wagon after a week of being off (well 6 days out of 8 of taking at least one narcotic pill).   And yes I have the flu, and all of the symptoms that come with it, like you wouldn't believe today.   Anyway, I had my first session with my therapist today since my relapse.   I of course told him what happened and of course he was supportive and wanted me to acknowledge that 5 weeks was pretty f'n good, but maybe my expectations of feeling great after 5 weeks were unrealistic.  Maybe 3-6 months is a little more realistic.   Nevertheless, we of course got to the trigger moment - why did you decide to use again at that moment...  what were you feeling/thinking at that exact moment.   Well I said, "I was sitting there last Saturday afternoon alone, BORED, and thinking this is ridiculous that I'm feeling major fatigue 5 weeks in, this isn't the way it's supposed to be...".   So he said, "well we've determined that it's normal for many people coming off of suboxone to still have these type of symptoms after 5 weeks, so that was just uninformed thinking, but the boredom - what is boredom?  Do you know what boredom actually is??"     I replied, "it's being discontent with your life as it is during that exact moment."   He started laughing and said, "You're exactly right dude!   You are exactly right and I think you're the first person out of a thousand I've asked to get that right!  You need to acknowledge that feeling of boredom and explore it, every bit of it - what are you feeling right now?  What are you thinking right now?  What is going on all around you at that moment?  It's ok to feel bored.  It's a normal human emotion and you don't need to run from it...  and if you do, it will chase you down!  If you acknowledge it, feel it, and embrace it, I promise it will melt away at some point."  Hmmm...  I thought for a moment...               Then I said, "This is very similar to when I told you how I think too much about the future and the past and I wish I could live more in the present...  and you told me how to better appreciate the present and being mindful of the present by using the technique of  - look around you, truly take in all that's going on around you, what's does everything around you look like, smell like, feel like, etc..."   I used this technique a few times when I was beating myself up over things I had said or done in the past that I didn't like and it worked like a charm.     Back to today's conversation, he then said, "Yes, being mindful and appreciative of the present is the exact opposite of being bored."    So I will try to feel the boredom, explore the feeling of being bored, and try to embrace it...  hopefully it will then melt away with my appreciation of the present and the good life I'm presently living.  I know over the past 14 years I have NEVER felt bored because I was always high and I could sit and look at a wall for hours on end and be very content.   I was never really FEELING anything negative.  I was missing out on a large part of being human.  Being bored at times is a normal human feeling and it's ok.  However, I'd like to get to the point where I can be content staring at a wall with no drugs at all.       We shall see if this new approach works or not, but I thought I'd share this conversation at least.           
Title: Re: Depression, Boredom and Lonliness
Post by: lightswitchedon on October 09, 2012, 09:51:37 PM
Kudos to y'all for keeping this thread moving.  I think these topics are crucial when it comes to combatting the incendiary internal workings of addiction.

I struggle the most on weekends when I have nothing to do....no routine.  During the work week I seem to do alright, although sleep could be better.  There is risk in having a bad reaction to or making a bad decision about "being discontent with my life as it is during that exact moment", and this happens when I am just sitting around thinking about why I can't stop thinking.

Cal, r2S, fritz - stick around and let's keep threads alive about staying clean and moving toward recovery.  I believe it is imperative to my recovery, at least in a supplementary way.  I want to see this addiction bitch subjugated by whatever means necessary.

If we take 2 steps forward for every 1 step backward, then we are still moving in the right direction.
Title: Re: Depression, Boredom and Lonliness
Post by: fritzerman on October 10, 2012, 03:34:57 AM
I had my first day today without any boredom or real fatigue. Some of it was a terrible situation. The day started with me waking up early with my back killing me. I had been taking gabapentin (Neurontin) when I did the flood and I had quit everything(OxyContin, gabapentin, and Adderall). I took 300 milligrams of gabapentin this morning then went to the office to do a deposition that I had scheduled. Came home and took a nap at lunch. Then went back to the office and worked until 5 PM. This is the most work at the office I have put in for over seven weeks. Came home and barbecued some chicken and the wife and I had a nice dinner. While eating, one of my secretaries called and said she had heard one of my best friends had been in a bad accident and was lifeflighted out and was not expected to live. I drove over to the University hospital right away and met up with his wife and family. He had ran into the back of a semi without a seatbelt on and the steering wheel went through his gut and his head got bashed in. They had already operated and taken out his spleen and part of his pancreas and were having trouble stopping the bleeding. They had him in radiology trying to do some vascular radiology stuff to stop the bleeding but it wasn't successful and they were taking him back to surgery again. I decided to come back home and just got back and it is after 2 AM.

Through all this, as busy as the day was and as tragic as my friend's injury was, I haven't been bored or fatigued in the least. I don't know what part the gabapentin played or whether it was just being busy taking care of obligations and circumstances. It might be what RTS and Light discussed about what boredom really is and the significance of staying busy with things. Actually, it would be better if it was the gabapentin as I'm not too worried about taking that and getting addicted. I haven't read anywhere of gabapentin being used for post acute withdrawal. It it's the shock of my good friend getting hurt and dealing with that, then it's not any kind of solution to the boredom problem. I hope the next couple of days will bring the answer. I'm going to lay down and try to get some sleep. Talk to you all tomorrow.
Title: Re: Depression, Boredom and Lonliness
Post by: Birdcatcher on October 10, 2012, 07:59:43 PM
Ahhh, depression, boredom and lonliness. something I am familiar with. Boredom mainly, if we can call it that has always been the beginning of the end when it comes to relapse for me. If there is one thing in all this I can claim expert status on, its relapse. From the age of 19 to 37 I have been through the cycle maybe 8 times having anywhere from 6 months to 3 years clean before the restlesness, boredom, "the hole" , whatever you want to call it, could no longer be filled/ suppressed. I have found that having a socially acceptable addiction (a hobby or something that passionatly consumes my spare time) to substitute for the drugs keeps me out of trouble. For awhile atleast. Stimulation has to come from somewhere. you cant just rid the body of the good feeling memories of drugs and really expect it to just "get over it". I can fight it through recovery but eventually I lose motivation. I have concluded after years and years of meetings, counciling, recovery, etc that I am broken and so are a large percentage of addicts. Go to a meeting and find the people that have been sober for 10, 15, 20 years. they are rare.

This is not just a problem with opiates. I never had a oppiate addiction until age 37. It was crack cocaine for all the years before that. I am puttting alot of confidence in Iboga to get me through to the other side this time. I am doing everything I can to make sure it will be as effective as it can. if it doesnt work I may have to be medicated for the rest of my life or try something more extreme.

Light, I believe you have correctly identified the main problem with relapse. this is the one that is hard to figure out. This is the problem that still remains after you have done all the 12 steppin stuff
Title: Re: Depression, Boredom and Lonliness
Post by: lightswitchedon on October 10, 2012, 09:29:42 PM
I think I'll give this a shot.  I know from experience that the L-Tryptophan (by Source Naturals) works wonders in the evening, however I haven't tried this entire plan.

Title: Re: Depression, Boredom and Lonliness
Post by: atom on August 27, 2014, 10:06:03 PM
sorry, havent checked in in a while, a booster this morning led to this visit.
blah blah blah. the important thing is typing on ibo and keeping your thoughts at the same speed as ibo is just about impossibly. but ill catch a few leavings and share the not too mutated..

everyone, every one of my long time junkie or drunk or crackhead friends over the last 20 yrs had to do one of a cpl few things...
serve somebody, replace the passion with anew or rekindled, exercise and eat good

i know no one clean who isnt doing at least one of the above with some vigor, 365 days give er take

u can interchange passion with aa fellowship if you choose.
Title: Re: Depression, Boredom and Lonliness
Post by: lightswitchedon on August 28, 2014, 10:08:57 AM
Wow atom, reviving an oldie but goodie!  This stuff is too often overlooked by people approaching iboga for addiction interruption, yet it is by far the most important thing!  Sadly, the majority of people just don't say "ok, I am clean, now how in God's name am i going to stay clean?"  Rather it is "hooray, I am clean... ibogaine is a godsend!"  Then gradually many people lapse back into the same unconscious patterns leading right back to substance abuse and ultimately full-blown addiction, and then the revolving door starts, whether it is multiple floods or a series of treatment center stays costing thousands of dollars, often of someone else's hard-earned money.  Addiction is one nasty devil.

I am not out to judge anyone who comes to iboga 4,5 or more times or has 10 treatment center stays under their belt.  I am not God and do not know the ultimate plan, so who am I to say.  It just seems that if addicts are finally serious about getting and staying clean then they will be willing to truly look at and address the underlying problems and also willing to ride out tough times without returning to their treacherous poison of choice.  I have been in total despair and felt unbearably alone, but I did not get high.  Part of it may be because the thought of being roped back into that dreadful cycle is the worst thing imaginable, so there is incentive to staying clean, obviously.

For me, it is quite simple.  Having come this far on the journey of staying clean and experiencing many modalities, I think it pretty much boils down to what you basically said - PASSION AND HEALTH, and a passion for health!  Passion can be in many different directions and I agree that the ultimate is sevice to others, but I am not sure about deliberate or intended service.  Rather, I believe, as passion develops along a certain line, people are attracted and your healing and embodying of postive energies and spiritual principles automatically and contagiously impacts others.  The universe will place those who need you and those who you need into your life for supportive, uplifting relationships.  It will also place people in our lives for harsh, brutal lessons!

That is how I believe it works.  And yes, eating well, exercising and taking care of oneself is also super important.