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Eboka General => Eboka Journals => Topic started by: ddraig on October 21, 2012, 12:00:34 AM

Title: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on October 21, 2012, 12:00:34 AM
Hello,

Took 3.5 grams of ibogaworld TA 8pm on friday, finally was able to get of bed at 9am this morning, just over 36 hours after the dose. Still have very mild inbalance and very minor tracers about 48 hours after.  I didnt eat or drink anything besides some water and some juice for 24 hours before hand.
 
I mentioned my first 2 floods in this thread: http://eboka.info/index.php?topic=1664.0

My first experience was life changing and beautiful, and my second flood helped get me into a recovery program and I have been living a better life.
The second time I took a flood, it was a lot harsher, and an entity that reminded me of a grim reaper pulled a curtain across my progression (it was very clear it was doing this) and took me somewhere else whereby the trip seemed to change to be less intense .

This experience, I took all 3 1/2 grams at once.  The buzzing started about 1 hour in and forms and shapes started to appear. About 10 minutes after that, all of a sudden a presence made itself known, as clear as I am looking at this screen typing, this massive totem-like entity took over my vision. The whole background was black, and the entity was a glowing orange-brown and ha a bark like skin.
 
It looked just like this except the colors where inverted and it had a bark like texture on it: http://northernspirit.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/angel-of-the-north_1695920i2.jpg

The head was thicker too and is had an imposing manly like face, and I guess you could say it was like  totem: http://www.littleexplorers.com/crafts/na/totempole/totempole6.GIF

It towered over me and it's one arm ar or wing turned red and lurched forward and pointed backwards and to my left repeatedly. My vision turned in that direction and I headed that way.

Has anyone ever seen anything like this before on their travels?

What I got after that was a lot of intense repetative cartoon-like visuals that didnt seem to make any sense, nothing like my first flood.

Im pretty exhausted now still, but wanted to share this totem vision, as it was intense. I did have one other really interesting vision that startled me, much later in, post-peak. It was diferent from all the others, and it was a rapid moving, chanting extremely rapidly, old man, looked a lot like a catholic archibishop/priest, but was rapidly chanting incantations or something using its hands to trace out black circular lines & glyphs towards me. It looked pissed off at me, and it was unsettling. There was thunder and lighting crackling all around it too, then it was gone within moments. It was like something forced itself into my trip, I dunno. 


 
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: missjess on October 21, 2012, 10:26:16 PM
just read about the entity that entered your trip!! I hear that can actually happen was it scary and did it actually ruin your trip?
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on October 21, 2012, 11:10:00 PM
just read about the entity that entered your trip!! I hear that can actually happen was it scary and did it actually ruin your trip?

Yes, it was unsettling, but only made me more curious about what was going on. It happened almost right after I purged violently.

One reason for taking this flood, was to try and address some information that a psychic told me about a spiritual block/negative energy on my left side (left stomach) blocking my acceptance of 'positive energies' that partly lead to my self loathing and fear. She said there was some negative energy/bad karma on my dad's side of the family that I inherited. I do believe in the supersensual aspects of the body now, like chakras, and from others things she told me, I took her seriously, even if I do not understand it.

So I asked iboga to remove it, if it it was there still. I didnt even know I was going purge until it I felt it come right out of me, and luckily the bucket was ready ;-) As soon as I purged I instinctively knew that this was related to my request. Oddly this was the first time I purged taking iboga. I purged a second time about 8 hours later.

Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: missjess on October 23, 2012, 01:50:54 AM
just read about the entity that entered your trip!! I hear that can actually happen was it scary and did it actually ruin your trip?

Yes, it was unsettling, but only made me more curious about what was going on. It happened almost right after I purged violently.

One reason for taking this flood, was to try and address some information that a psychic told me about a spiritual block/negative energy on my left side (left stomach) blocking my acceptance of 'positive energies' that partly lead to my self loathing and fear. She said there was some negative energy/bad karma on my dad's side of the family that I inherited. I do believe in the supersensual aspects of the body now, like chakras, and from others things she told me, I took her seriously, even if I do not understand it.

So I asked iboga to remove it, if it it was there still. I didnt even know I was going purge until it I felt it come right out of me, and luckily the bucket was ready ;-) As soon as I purged I instinctively knew that this was related to my request. Oddly this was the first time I purged taking iboga. I purged a second time about 8 hours later.


OMG THATS CRAZY were you scared at all? fuck imagine finding out you have an entity attached to you related to your fathers side thats awfull!! .......
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on October 23, 2012, 10:15:15 PM

OMG THATS CRAZY were you scared at all? fuck imagine finding out you have an entity attached to you related to your fathers side thats awfull!! .......

Its not a pleasant idea. Also I was wondering if it was just my psyche causing me to see something, since I was thinking about it before the trip. This particular vision was not like the others, it had a will of its own, and it was not passive. Indeed it was not like a vision at all, but an independent entity.

The concept of mental illness like depression and other ailments being caused by dark spirits/energy is common to the belief of many indigenous peoples, who see the world in much more supernatural/spiritual terms. This National Geographical article I chanced upon just before visiting the psychic:
http://www.nationalgeographic.com/adventure/0603/features/peru.html

Its a fascinating read about a National Geographic writer who used ayahuasca with shamans to heal herself of mental/spiritual demons.

So when the psychic told me this, I was not shocked. Do I believe all this? Well, I do now. I am seeing the psychic soon to see if it is still around, and to remove it. One thing is for certain, the eboga flushed it out and pissed it off.
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: GratefulDad on October 24, 2012, 12:39:58 PM
A lot of what you see in your trip, often has to do with what you were thinking about before the trip.  I saw middle eastern scenes of war and stuff the first time I did iboga.  I think it may have been because I watched a special on Saddam Hussein the week before I left to go to flood.  I saw what looked to be Muslims shooting off heavy artillery and cleaner cut, fat, middle eastern people, who were in this huge banquet hall, and the message/idea I got from the vision was gluttony and sloth.  Things I was guilty of while being addicted.  That is about the only way I could relate those scenes to me.  Many people see highly personal visionary experiences, but for me it seemed like random visions and ideas, with no real rhyme, reason, or a clear message.  The real change came after the visionary experience, which seemed rather insignificant when I was experiencing it.
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on October 24, 2012, 02:44:25 PM
A lot of what you see in your trip, often has to do with what you were thinking about before the trip.  I saw middle eastern scenes of war and stuff the first time I did iboga.  I think it may have been because I watched a special on Saddam Hussein the week before I left to go to flood.  I saw what looked to be Muslims shooting off heavy artillery and cleaner cut, fat, middle eastern people, who were in this huge banquet hall, and the message/idea I got from the vision was gluttony and sloth.  Things I was guilty of while being addicted.  That is about the only way I could relate those scenes to me.  Many people see highly personal visionary experiences, but for me it seemed like random visions and ideas, with no real rhyme, reason, or a clear message.  The real change came after the visionary experience, which seemed rather insignificant when I was experiencing it.

Thanks. Yes the still mind and set & setting is so important with trips. I can see how my psyche and what it believes definitely forms/influences what I see. I'm still not ruling anything out yet.
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: harveyplex on October 26, 2012, 11:27:26 AM
what a great report !!!
i would have to second what GD said .
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on October 26, 2012, 01:43:55 PM
what a great report !!!
i would have to second what GD said .

Thanks. There was not a great deal of coherent visuals in this experience.

The totem man I saw I'm wondering if it was a manifestation of the spirit of iboga, interpreted by the bwiti to come in different masculine forms. In Daniel Pinchbeck's 'Breaking Open the Head' , the wooden man he sees in his trip is interpreted by a shaman to be this spirit.  I'm obviously open to this type of viewpoint :-)

I've had a great week since my flood, still fatigued, but very focused and getting a lot done. My diet has changed (off caffeine!!) and I'm trying new things.



Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on November 18, 2012, 11:04:04 PM
Hi,

Wanted to post an update and some other observations in general that may help inform people. A lot of it pertains to my own interpretations, beliefs, experience and journey.

One month after, I feel fantastic, more connected with other people, and balanced. Less emotional and more focused & clear thinking. The first time I flooded I was convinced that my eye sight became 20/20 for a few days after (I am short sighted).
Indeed about 3 days after this flood, I noticed that I could read better from afar *without* my glasses! Nearly a month later, my eye sight is back to 'normal'. Anyone else notice iboga's effect on the senses like this?

My work with the Psychic continues. I am getting a major (and costly) crystal therapy session late December to purge any negative energy I have. I could get a lot more into this aspect of my journey, but I will probably leave for a later date, if at all, since it is very personal. Suffice to say that my work with the Psychic started the day after I did a heroic (lol newbie) dose of 8.1g of mimosahausca early this summer. Off the cuff, my girlfriend took us to see her for fun, after taking an alternate way back to her house, I was too exhausted to argue. Which lead to the Psychic quickly working on me and requesting I come back. She told me enough that I knew she had a gift (lol, the odds of her guessing everything right were too low). A couple of weeks later (perhaps due to my third eye being opened from the mimosahausca) I had 2 separate experiences in the early hours of the morning, in bed, one being with a negative energy entity, that pinned me down, until I spat in it's face. These were definitely not just nightmares, as I actually awoke to see them. So that's partly why I am more open to this stuff, along with my first flood experience, and the evidence of the huge benefits I get from the spiritual aspects of my recovery program.

The totem man I saw, I am now thinking is related to my personal relationship with Christ. The totem I realized resembled/was a crucifix, and the face on the totem was Christ-like. Still gradually integrating this. The right arm of the totem/crucifix that turned red, formed a hand with a long pointed finger that repeatedly pointed to it's right (or my left as I facing it). This I think was it instructing me to follow the Right Hand Path. I had done much reading on esoterica and spiritual matters in the year before my flood.

Again, there were no real overt insights or visuals in my 3rd flood about how I should be living, besides the initial Totem man entity. For instance in my second flood I had visuals of a panel with both a positive (+) and negative sign (-) on it, and a cursor hand that kept pressing the positive, which I knew to mean to be positive in all my thoughts. And that what was positive was Love, and there was also negativity which was lack of love, which resulted in fear and other dark shit. The lack of these visuals I take to be a good thing, in terms of these being lessons I no longer need to re-see.

Have 1 1/2 grams of TA left. Still debating whether to micro dose over the next 2-3 weeks for some more insight, or take it all for one last large sub-flood dose.
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on November 18, 2012, 11:10:52 PM
sorry double post.
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: buck36 on November 19, 2012, 11:32:41 AM
Super interesting thread. When I was a teenager, I had what I can only describe as a dark entity. This *entity* appeared  total of three times over a three year period. The first two times, it came in the form of a big black faceless shadow,threatening me with some kind of telepathic message. The third and last time it appeared,it came in the form of a( native american?)/shaman. He was chanting low and sprinkling seeds around me. SEEDS? I was like WTF?? This visit wasn't threatening at all. The weird part of this story: Soon after the third and final visit, I found out I was pregnant. I cannot dismiss the coincidence. Seeds/pregnancy???  of course I know the shaman didnt get me pregnant.......duh. But I wonder if he was blessing the life inside? This was 19years ago. I have one son. I can't help but think these events hold meaning in my life. This happened without the aid of any drugs/psychedelics. It's difficult to dismiss these things once they happen.
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on November 19, 2012, 01:55:10 PM
Super interesting thread. When I was a teenager, I had what I can only describe as a dark entity. This *entity* appeared  total of three times over a three year period. The first two times, it came in the form of a big black faceless shadow,threatening me with some kind of telepathic message. The third and last time it appeared,it came in the form of a( native american?)/shaman. He was chanting low and sprinkling seeds around me. SEEDS? I was like WTF?? This visit wasn't threatening at all. The weird part of this story: Soon after the third and final visit, I found out I was pregnant. I cannot dismiss the coincidence. Seeds/pregnancy???  of course I know the shaman didnt get me pregnant.......duh. But I wonder if he was blessing the life inside? This was 19years ago. I have one son. I can't help but think these events hold meaning in my life. This happened without the aid of any drugs/psychedelics. It's difficult to dismiss these things once they happen.
Thank you for sharing. That is fascinating. I think that these experiences are more common than people realize, especially in the West, which due to our culture suppresses anything not empirically reproducible, which be definition rules these experiences as non-'real'. The entities I saw, truth be told, were at least a good 2 weeks after I took the mimosahuasca.

Glad to hear that you are getting through your own recovery :-)
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: buck36 on November 20, 2012, 05:39:31 PM
Thanks D. I'm also planning to try what my friend describes as smokable Aya. He calls it Changa. He seems to think it's a good introduction   to DMT experience.
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on November 20, 2012, 10:18:58 PM
Thanks D. I'm also planning to try what my friend describes as smokable Aya. He calls it Changa. He seems to think it's a good introduction   to DMT experience.

Yes, I've heard it is. Good luck with that!
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on January 03, 2013, 04:09:50 PM
Happy New Year!
I still have 1 1/2 g of TA in the freezer. Did 5 crystal therapy baths before Christmas in 5 days, which literally feels like it removed a weight off of me. This therapy is supposed to help clean up/scrub my aura and get the chakras flowing, which evidently it has. It does seem to have helped my clarity, confidence and removed the confusion since doing it. I also credit both the work with the psychic, my recovery program house cleaning, and of course the iboga flood for this. The psychic said that she saw that my aura was much better since I took my flood. The long drawn out situation with the girl at work (caused partly by my fears), who I experienced being hurt by me in one of my first flood out of body experiences, and whom I am supposedly connected to (says the psychic), is much better. I talked to her at a Christmas party, and I was not shy or fearful, instead confident, calm and friendly, we traded long glances from afar, powerful stuff. I sense things are to be resolved this year (finally), now that I have thrown the shyness/self loathing monkey off my back. Guess you could call this situation a 'first world problem' but it is major for me as she has a piece of my heart. To determine if she is the one, or I move on, regardless I am no longer shy/awkward in general with girls. The fact that I am no longer using drugs, not even caffeine, and in a recovery program, is a miracle, thanks to god & iboga. I have a final and major crystal therapy session with the psychic later this month or in feb.

I mentioned my mimosahausca/jurema (ayahuasca analogue) trip I took the day before visiting the psychic. That was my second trip on jurema last summer, took ~5g of mimosa and 3g of syrian rue. It was a very harsh trip (at the peak at least, where I felt the 'coldness' of 'dmt-space' and seemed to be analyzed/interfaced by a presence there, that lead to harsh ego-crushing realizations & physical purge), but showed me stuff I needed to see, regarding guilt and negativity I was feeling. The dmt-space was black and had a multicolored vectrex like appearance like this: http://www.emuviews.com/images/ss/SW_Arcade3.gif with a valleys and cities. A nebulous presence showed up right after which seemed to interface analyze me before ejecting me.

My first mimosahuasca experience, was in in early June and it was profound, but harsh, because I was too scared to fully let go, into a full blown out of body experience. I took a heroic dose of 13g of mimosa and 8g of syrian rue. I had feelings of deja vu when I broke through, saw and felt my girlfriend's aura penetrate me (it was purple-dark blue and was hot), saw dmt machinery merge into vines & plants and at the end came back with the clarity (i.e. I was told) that I was a little monkey fooling with things much bigger than me, lol.
So the psychic talking to me about my aura, did not surprise me, since I saw one!

The full trip report below, I posted on dmt nexus, but thought I would repost here for anyone interested:

The day before I had found out some stressful personal news about someone significant in my life, and I was in a real bad head space that evening, but after fasting for 24 hours, I decided to go on with it. I sipped 8g of syrian rue tea, followed 1/2 hour later by sipping nearly a whole cup of 13g mimosa.
It hit me within 30 minutes of taking the mimosa. Due to my head space, I became scared and insecure, I immediately felt guilty about putting my girlfriend through this, as I felt the Titantic was coming, and I didn't want to go anymore. Waves, and rolling patterns, colors and tracers. I saw a female with flowing hair fly by (a faerie?) say 'he took a big dose, take care of him'.
Patterns and solid objects appeared, and reliving past events, I saw how different people really saw through my facade, as if my ego was being disseminated (similar in some ways to ibogaine). I saw candyland visuals of my girlfriend all shiny, and the room distort.

Finally I purged, but only a small amount of bile came out from deep within my bowls. This launched me even further. I could barely walk, and felt cold, got back to bed, and I saw crazy fast green hued visuals flashing violently in streams in front of me, with my eyes open. I felt a sense of deja vu, that I had encountered this before. I saw a tunnel, but did not want to go through. I kept my eyes open, fighting to hold on. Everytime I closed my eyes, there were powerful visuals, and I felt I was getting pulled out of myself to go somewhere. The more I fought this, the more I felt the 'vines' lock around my jaws and neck, it was scary. I saw these frenzied entities around me, insanely fast, trying to loosen my grip or something, or maybe trying to pry my 'head'/mind open. I was really tired and felt like I was going to lose consciousness, probably due to me over-fasting and the fight I was putting up to not let go. I saw the 'real' world fade into dark blue dim. My emotions and visuals were a roller coaster ride.

This went on for some time, and I experienced intense open eyed visuals, like my ceiling artex turning into a shuffling bubbling digital landscape, and saw machine like visuals and circuits transforming into vines and leaves. There was an impersonal 'mechanical' aspect to some of the visuals. The tree outside seem to form more limbs/appendages and reach down towards the window to watch over me.

My girlfriend layed next to me, attentatively, and I saw and felt her aura penetrate me, it felt warm, but something seemed to pull my head and body away from her, and she got up and left me. I noticed that when she came into the room and I payed attention to her, that I would feel uncomfortable and purge again. I felt so bad, I apologized to her. Subsequently I've read that ayahausca is a known as a 'jealous' spirit, in that it wants the undivided attention of the person taking the medicine.

3 hours later, I was extremely relieved to have weathered the storm. The 2nd part of the trip was reflective and peaceful, where I was given some insight about the nature of things, it was humbling. That the experience was much more than the fancy visuals, that they served a deeper purpose. Even though I had not drunk any water in over 16 hours, I purged the other way continuously in the morning. I have felt physically much better since then, and I no longer drink caffeine (was drinking up to 6 cups a day), though my psyche was in a funk for a number of days. The experience helped me see/get some things that I needed to see, which I integrated into my recovery program and meditations with renewed vigor. Later that week, after praying on these issues, thanks to God, the funk and the underlying issues that were causing them were banished.










Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on March 03, 2013, 12:09:01 PM
Well, I got ripped off about $5000 from this Psychic, as I never received the crystal therapy treatment. Hindsight is 20/20, and this is a lesson well learned.
There is no doubt she has an ability, but after the first few sessions I should of moved on. The crystal therapy baths I took myself did help, but in hindsight, it was my own efforts like that, that did anything to help. How much she told me after the initial few sessions was true or not, is anyone's guess. It doesnt matter either way.
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on March 21, 2013, 04:24:13 PM
well, this whole ordeal has been incredibly, incredibly humbling, but very educational.  Been bitch slapped by the universe.

The iboga warned me about the 'left hand path' (vs relying on my own spiritual hard work) which is what I was trying to do with the psychic, using shortcuts to enlightenment, outside of myself for overcoming my own issues, that by their nature are mine to work through.

Cold Reading ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjPsnfysrp8 ) by someone trained from youth to scam, can look damn near impressive, especially when you feed the 'psychic' information at will. They build on it with a silver tongue. Oddly it was a conversation I stoked up about her being Roma (gypsy) that seemed to terminate any further contact. The fact that I saw an aura with ayahuasca before going to see her, with her talk of auras, sort of makes the whole experience bizarre to say the least. It was my experiences of these things that obviously blinded me to the con-job that was going on. She also hooked me in based on my perception of the unresolved situation with the girl at work, when in actuality I obviously just need to man up and talk to the girl 1 on 1 to get to the truth of the situation.  There were some other synchronicities that sucked me in, like her guessing that my dad was dead, her talking about 2 women in my life, both of who I hurt (my ex-wife and the girl at work [iboga showed me that I hurt her]) which in hindsight I fed her the information. So it was a bit of 'luck' on her side and me being open and a willing participant in it.

In hindsight there were red flags everywhere, that I blew past (like her telling me to take money from my mother and tell her it was for my startup etc...), that showed that she was totally spiritually unfit and sick (she also tried to impress upon me that I couldnt of done anything w.o. her) . It also reveals that I have a lot of development to go, and need to be responsible for my own way, not to trust anyone but god.

I'm still a believer in psychic powers, and crystal interactions, at least I am open minded to it. I did see what I saw in the early hours of the morning holding me down, but I'm also realize that the mind is very powerful and creative too, so I have to say that I just dont know much, and it could be a figment of my unconscious that was planted there based on what she told me.

I am going to press charges, as well as take her to small claims court (and probably report the business to the IRS). I don't expect to get anything back, or there to be a prosecution, but I want there to be a record that I can cite. She is exploiting desperate people that need real help.

Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on March 21, 2013, 04:26:20 PM
double post sorry
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: lalababa on March 22, 2013, 12:46:11 AM
Hi ddraig,

I am sorry you are having to deal with all of this, personally I wouldn't trust someone looking for so much money for this kind of thing, but I have no experience with psychics (except for some crazy premonitions I have had in my own life but I don't think I am a psychic by any means)
I hope you don't feel too bad or blame yourself ... some people just fucking suck!

much love,
lala
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on March 22, 2013, 11:01:37 AM
Hi ddraig,

I am sorry you are having to deal with all of this, personally I wouldn't trust someone looking for so much money for this kind of thing, but I have no experience with psychics (except for some crazy premonitions I have had in my own life but I don't think I am a psychic by any means)
I hope you don't feel too bad or blame yourself ... some people just fucking suck!

much love,
lala

thank you lalababa :-) Yes, the amount of money asked for is the biggest red flag.

Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on May 12, 2013, 04:12:28 PM
Hello again,

If you have followed this journal, you may have picked up a couple of lessons: 1.) Dont over-think your visions to have meaning right away (it can take much time to integrate as well as 'set & setting' effects)  and 2.) don't think that you can take shortcuts (like psychics) to enlightenment and spiritual development, as you need to do the work yourself.

I ended up reporting the psychic to The Death Star (IRS), and it is in God's hands. She is committing grave harm to people both spiritually and financially. beginning to wonder if the dark entity/sleep paralysis entity I struggled with was some negative energy coming from her, or even a  spell. Whatever.


Looking ahead, I took the 1.5g of TA, 2 weeks ago. Glad I did :-).  Did not have a strong intent going in, but I did want to get things resolved in my mind about the girl at work I was struggling with.

The iboga presence came on after an hour and I felt tendrils across my body and constrict around my head/mind which caused me to be scared for a moment. I heard my voice replayed from 2 hours before 'It's only 1.5g', it was like iboga was reprimanding me for disrespect. It soon let up and I was on my way with full respect :-)

Part of me has always felt guilty for relapsing and taking iboga again after my beautiful experience with the first flood, and this seems to come across in my trips.
My first vision reminded me of the bearded totem entity with bark skin from my last flood, except the bearded man this time looked more like this:
http://www.ghilliesandstuff.com/my_files/images/Ghillie_suit_pattern_Woodland.jpg

and the fibers were fewer, and long & rectangular, more cartoon like I guess. It seemed to be lecturing me with its finger, annoyed, then returned and started waving at me. I saw weird and goblinoid faces which seemed to reappear.

Then I was given short life review, where I saw myself from different angles, this time I looked more confident, less bedeviled than the life review I had in my first flood. I was not cringing to actually see myself this time either. It showed me that I needed to look after my elderly mother better, and not push my relatives away based on petty peeves, while even though they can irk me, still mean the best.
There were some periods where I felt just pure melancholy, like a feeling of eternal desolation mixed with depressing mundanity, combined with visions of dour dreary landscapes, but these were passing. What I am getting from these periods (which were strong in my last flood) is that I am stubborn to change, yet bored/fed up with my current situation but want to sit on the fence still. I think iboga was showing me my own internal dissatisfaction with how I was not willing to move on, be brave, do the work, and try new things.

Which, talking about not moving on, I asked iboga about the truth with the girl at work that I could not get over, and I got my ass kicked hard. This sequence started with a vision of a 'block' being removed from my mind/head, and I suddenly realized that I was never considering the option that she was simply not interested in me, due to my pride & regret for not being confident enough to show up to lunch with her...twice in the past. Indeed, I knew this was an option deep down, but thanks to my self-pity and self-delusion, I refused to accept it, despite being told more than once by her. She would continue to 'flirt'/get my attention at parties, not because she liked me anymore, but because I hurt her, and she really didn't like me. Basically, she is not the girl for me, and my attraction/obsessiveness was ego driven and self centered. So iboga really was pissed at me since I couldn’t work this out myself! It showed how people really saw me differently than I saw myself, people at work, including her, and how my behavior was coming close to costing me my job. It was remarkably humbling, to see how other people really see you. Being a recovering alcoholic w. ADHD, developing and maintaining an inflated sense of self, separate from reality is like a coping mechanism if you are not spiritually fit, and I could see that I was still lacking!! Thank you iboga.

There were other character defects I was shown which were painful, that are a bit personal for me to put down here, but I'm grateful that I was able to see them in the light. I saw how defects from my mom and dad were passed onto me, by no real fault of their own, since they inherited their parents problems etc..., but that I can still overcome them with work.

Exhausted, I was finally able to get up, hugging my sitter/sponser and let out a deep purging cry & sob which released a ton of energy, it felt amazing to let let it all out, as if the iboga had scraped all that crap out of my mind and deposited it to be released. After this ordeal, iboga reassured me that it is ok, that I needed to go through all that.

Since then I have made changes, thanks to the insight received, meditating again, working my recovery program better, setting goals. Making plans with my girlfriend. Its really a huge relief to have seen through the confusion, and very humbling to see how long it took to get there due to my pride and self delusion. Its still going to take some time to get over my  low self esteem completely, but I am working on it through honesty,integrity,  taking on more responsibility and not taking life & myself so seriously.. being more in the moment.

Also have 40g of root bark that I have been microdosing on the last week, 1g each for 4 days. Going good so far. I can also see why they use iboga for infertility back in africa! ;-)

Thankfully, I have come across a fantastic practical meditation technique that I wanted to share, that I find is very effective.  The guy sounds like Howard Stern, and looks a bit like him too :-), but don't let that put you off. His book is called 'real meditation for real alcoholics' which is worth a look, but the actual meditations & 'pep talks' are in audio form, and downloadable free on his site from the right hand side 4 bullet points:
http://stepelevencomesalive.blogspot.com/

Even if you are not in a 12 step program, these practical day to day spiritual principles & meditations work, if you work them.
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: lalababa on May 14, 2013, 08:39:15 PM
Hi ddraig!

Thank you so much for sharing!  It sounds like you really got a lot from this flood.  I am very happy for you!  I am also glad you reported that psychic.  You may save some others from going through what you did. 

Keep up the good work and feel the glow, friend!

lala
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on May 15, 2013, 11:18:03 AM
Hi ddraig!

Thank you so much for sharing!  It sounds like you really got a lot from this flood.  I am very happy for you!  I am also glad you reported that psychic.  You may save some others from going through what you did. 

Keep up the good work and feel the glow, friend!

lala

Thank you lala!  And same to you! :D

Been microdosing on rootbark, and the meditations & prayers have *really* been helping like a 1-2 punch. Found that 0.5g of rootbark a day is the sweetspot for me. Just enough to not feel effects too much, but enough to keep me focused.



Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on August 21, 2013, 11:03:45 PM
Had some time to integrate my experiences from the 2 floods I did in the last 12 months. Interesting how things work out.

<decided to remove my post about my dad, it is a bit personal and haven't fully integrated it yet.>
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: infinity on October 12, 2013, 05:56:26 PM
$5,000?!?!? That sucks man, you could have took a bath in ibogaine crystals. I hope you didnt wipe out your savings. That is so much money to me. I could understand the appeal though. Back in 2005, I sought out an authentic Yogi from India after my mushroom break through, and for over a year, he was my personal Yogi, who cleansed my personal savings account. I learned a lot, but most of it was regurgitated Upanishads. I then learned Buddhism was much cheaper. I also learned that you don't need to seek advice from someone wearing some crazy costume. I met a guy that looks like a biker with tattoos and a pony tail that seemed more humble and mature than this yogi, he didnt ask for money, seemed much more artful in the meditation discipline, and helped me work through issues that this yogi said he couldn't touch. 
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on October 13, 2013, 01:35:18 PM
$5,000?!?!? That sucks man, you could have took a bath in ibogaine crystals. I hope you didnt wipe out your savings. That is so much money to me. I could understand the appeal though. Back in 2005, I sought out an authentic Yogi from India after my mushroom break through, and for over a year, he was my personal Yogi, who cleansed my personal savings account. I learned a lot, but most of it was regurgitated Upanishads. I then learned Buddhism was much cheaper. I also learned that you don't need to seek advice from someone wearing some crazy costume. I met a guy that looks like a biker with tattoos and a pony tail that seemed more humble and mature than this yogi, he didnt ask for money, seemed much more artful in the meditation discipline, and helped me work through issues that this yogi said he couldn't touch.

haha. Yes, a lot of money to me too, but did not wipe out my savings thankfully. 
In hindsight I was taught a big lesson. The day I handed over the money, there were 3 synchronicities involving crystals too, which made it clear to me that was something was going on. The third and last one being a regular in my AA meeting referring to crystal therapy (out of the blue) in a disparaging manner vs doing the work yourself. That made my ears prick up! Saying that, I respect the use of crystals in shamanism, but in my context, I was giving too much power to this lady.

Things are going fantastic right now, was microdosing for about 2 months, and quit about 2 months ago, this seems to have helped, along with a vacation in europe where I grew up. Also helping is a new recovery program I have found, an off shoot of AA, called ACOA, adult children of alcoholics, which is considered Stage Two recovery.

http://www.adultchildren.org/lit/ACAIs.s

Reading their big book on kindle and it has given me better understanding and insights of the generational spiritual maladies that can be passed on in some families, that can lead to substance abuse and other traits. Helping me see better the root causes that led to that 'hole' inside that caused me to use alcohol and oither drugs as a solution, and not believe in myself.

Here is a list of traits that the program addresses, really recommend checking out their book if you have recovered from substance abuse and want to mend some more, though YMMV:
http://www.adultchildren.org/lit/Laundry_List.php





Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on November 02, 2013, 01:00:36 PM
As mentioned I have had a lot of time to integrate the aspects of my last 2 floods from about 1 year ago. So much of it puzzled me, and I was desperate to work it all out ASAP, I came up with some ultimately unsatisfactory conclusions until recently.
(disclaimer:  I am of the belief that this sacred medicine is always teaching, and the visuals, or flow of them, have at least some meaning that is immediately apparent or to be worked out in due time.)

The entity which towered over me and sent me to a 'place' with a lot of repetitive & silly visuals, as well mundane and dreary visuals I have recently realized was iboga telling me I did not need repeat floods, that I had enough still to work on from the first flood. (first flood mentioned here: http://eboka.info/index.php?topic=1664.msg14095#msg14095 )

The ACA work mentioned in the post above has really helped dredge up a lot of  memories and made me see the instinctual/auto-pilot survival behaviors I still have from my childhood, like people pleasing, not able to set proper boundaries, self deprecation etc.. and how they come from tension, fear and survival in a dysfunctional home (I didnt realize it) with codependency and alcoholism. Now I see them, I can work on them.

Before the flood with the entity I mentioned above (and in the topic of this journal), I had asked iboga to purge negative energy/'curse' from me, that a psychic told me that I had inherited from my dad. The psychic was a fraud, a lesson I have now fully realized in hindsight, not to rely on external sources to solve your problems. This experience showed me how I was still not valuing myself and my Creator, and relying on the will of others.

But, iboga did honor my request, and I did purge and release. The entity I saw immediately afterwords looked like a viciously angry and evil looking catholic archbishop chanting and drawing incantations at me (literally cursing me!), with dark clouds and lightning crackling around it. This was a very powerful visual, and I was like 'WTF??'. This truly puzzled me until recently.

My dad was a staunch Polish Catholic, like his parents, and got married at a very young age, when he did not want to, but it was expected of him (he was born in 1917). He got divorced at a young age too, then remarried to my mother much later. He was an alcoholic and never seemed to be fully at peace with himself. He believed he had committed a grave or mortal sin for divorcing his first wife. He would go to church and not take communion, like his sin was unforgivable, and I always saw him as an (at times self-imposed) outcast at the church when I was growing up.

Think iboga was telling me that some of the roots of this self condemnation, guilt and alcoholism in my family was due to upholding these dogmas. Or at the very least this belief system was not conducive to the acceptance and unconditional love required to heal.

Just to say, that I see much good in Catholicism from the perspective of what individual members do, as well as the bad, but in this circumstance I believe iboga was showing me the poison/magic that can spellbind people when they believe so heavily in what other people tell them.  Sort of ironic in hindsight how I put so much faith and power in the psychic too. The problem and solution relies with one’s own connection to the source of light.
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: BlueTiger on November 02, 2013, 05:39:12 PM
(disclaimer:  I am of the belief that this sacred medicine is always teaching, and the visuals, or flow of them, have at least some meaning that is immediately apparent or to be worked out in due time.)

I also share this "belief."

The ACA work mentioned in the post above has really helped dredge up a lot of  memories and made me see the instinctual/auto-pilot survival behaviors I still have from my childhood, like people pleasing, not able to set proper boundaries, self deprecation etc.. and how they come from tension, fear and survival in a dysfunctional home (I didnt realize it) with codependency and alcoholism. Now I see them, I can work on them. 

This is so great that you were able to find this system to tune into your behavior patterns, especially considering that is what Iboga can allow folks to do at an hyper-accelerated rate.  I believe we are on similar timelines as far as our Iboga flooding has gone (over a year or so span in 2012).  I believe my "spiritual work" done earlier this year, a slow immersion back into the work force, and having stayed true to my promise to my divine self of an opiate free life (and analogue cigarettes), that all these factors have allowed me to still work on my next layer of healing.  For me, this has also been tuning into self-deprecating behavior patterns, setting modest goals with timelines, the power of doing versus thinking and vice versa, the power of allowing yourself to feel...

ddraig, I don't know about you, but I feel the work will never end...and I realize, that this is okay!  In due time.  We cannot control everything, but I believe we can design our lives and enrich our life experience by doing the work I think we are both referring to.  Rising above and reaching that state of buddha or awareness as much and as often as possible.  The opportunity to achieve this is something to be grateful for.  Helping others as we walk down our paths is what drives me to keep this party going.  Keeps my soul alive!

Before the flood with the entity I mentioned above (and in the topic of this journal), I had asked iboga to purge negative energy/'curse' from me, that a psychic told me that I had inherited from my dad. The psychic was a fraud, a lesson I have now fully realized in hindsight, not to rely on external sources to solve your problems. This experience showed me how I was still not valuing myself and my Creator, and relying on the will of others. But, iboga did honor my request, and I did purge and release. The entity I saw immediately afterwords looked like a viciously angry and evil looking catholic archbishop chanting and drawing incantations at me (literally cursing me!), with dark clouds and lightning crackling around it. This was a very powerful visual, and I was like 'WTF??'. This truly puzzled me until recently.  My dad was a staunch Polish Catholic, like his parents, and got married at a very young age, when he did not want to, but it was expected of him (he was born in 1917). He got divorced at a young age too, then remarried to my mother much later. He was an alcoholic and never seemed to be fully at peace with himself. He believed he had committed a grave or mortal sin for divorcing his first wife. He would go to church and not take communion, like his sin was unforgivable, and I always saw him as an (at times self-imposed) outcast at the church when I was growing up.  Think iboga was telling me that some of the roots of this self condemnation, guilt and alcoholism in my family was due to upholding these dogmas. Or at the very least this belief system was not conducive to the acceptance and unconditional love required to heal. Just to say, that I see much good in Catholicism from the perspective of what individual members do, as well as the bad, but in this circumstance I believe iboga was showing me the poison/magic that can spellbind people when they believe so heavily in what other people tell them.  Sort of ironic in hindsight how I put so much faith and power in the psychic too. The problem and solution relies with one’s own connection to the source of light.

Your statement here is invaluable IMHO: I believe iboga was showing me the poison/magic that can spellbind people when they believe so heavily in what other people tell them  I agree with this as well.  I studied the brain in college and knowledge acquisition was one of my main areas of interests, as well as language and psychology.  Religious dogmas, or set beliefs are just dangerous.  Unless we are talking about the law of gravity here (or things with this magnitude of truth), nothing should be taken as absolute truth.  Having a loose idea or belief or even theory, IMO, is what has aided me in changing my perspective to such a vast extent.....I am so open to new ideas and theories, I know I know nothing, and with each questions comes 5-10 more.  But that's okay, because this work takes the lifetime I believe.  And being in the NOW, when you can along the way, is what gives us that brief moment of bliss that shapes and carries us to the next. 

Thanks for keeping us in the loop.  Looking forward to staying more connected.

BT
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: lalababa on November 03, 2013, 12:35:27 AM
Ddraig,

  For me personally, my first two floods were repetitive and didn't make a lot of sense, (except for a smaller booster after my first, detox flood which was very short visually, yet profound) then the last one was the one that was pure love and had meaning and made me feel like I had a life long relationship with the medicine.  Interesting how some seem so cartoonish and meaningless (though I don't think they are)..  Thank you for sharing, I always enjoy reading your posts.

Much love,
lala
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on November 04, 2013, 03:19:14 PM
@lala: Hi, that is interesting indeed. I know when I did my homebrew mimosahuasca 'accidental heroic' dose last year, I came to the realization that the initial intense (and somewhat repetitive) cartoon monkey-business visuals (literally like a circus with bright lights and colors and psychedelic monkeys playing) were merely a distraction for me as the medicine did its work, and it was up to me to go past them, which I did and really got sucked in deep! Perhaps it was the same with the my last 2 TA  floods, but I was unable to get past the distractions. Saying that I was coming in with some expectations of more profound realizations and pure love like in my first flood, and iboga seemed to be communicating with me, with that entity, that I would be 'going no further'. This also happened with the 'grim reaper' like entity in my second flood which pulled a curtain right before I was experiencing a 'breakthru' again to the OOB state whereby I had the pue love profound experiences in my first. Glad you persisted and got a beautiful experience as well! I definitely do not want to dissuade people from taking more than 1 flood, just wanted to relate my own personal experience with iboga.

@BT: Nice to see you back on the forums! Loved this: the power of doing versus thinking and vice versa, the power of allowing yourself to feel, amen brother!
Additionally as someone in recovery told me once, a simple rule for living : '1) Don't go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink. 2) Apply this to everything you do.'
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on January 25, 2014, 02:55:17 PM
Hello again,

Received a remarkable blessing from God and the spirits this week. A shaman journeyed for me with drum and rattle and did a healing session on my behalf. It has been 4 days, and the results have been profound. Do not want to get ahead of myself, as I am still integrating, but wanted to share.


Grateful for so much today, and thanks to BlueTiger for posting that Daniel Pinchbeck article on Michael Harner last year: http://eboka.info/index.php?topic=2033

That got me reading more about shamanism, and journeying with drum and other instruments which is what most shamans do worldwide to access spirit and the powerful healing it provides. Really recommend anyone interested in post iboga or other alternative healing methods to check out http://www.shamanism.org/index.php and http://www.shamanicteachers.com/

Michael and Sandra have spearheaded the contemporary shamanic movement and offer courses producing qualified (sort of an oxymoron I know)  practitioners around the country who are performing healings.

If you are skeptical about a spiritual solution, then you may want to read it post iboga flood  ;)

Really makes me wonder now if the already amazing iboga floods are made even more effective with a skilled shaman or practitioner working with the medicine and patient.

Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: lalababa on January 29, 2014, 03:15:25 PM
Thank you for sharing ddraig,

I do wonder what it would be like to go to Gabon and experience an Iboga ceremony there.. scary and amazing?

lala
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on January 30, 2014, 02:12:39 PM
Thank you for sharing ddraig,

I do wonder what it would be like to go to Gabon and experience an Iboga ceremony there.. scary and amazing?

lala


I imagine that an initiation ceremony in Gabon would be tremendously scary and amazing. It's primary purpose is like other initiation rituals around the world, to confront your fears, face death, and see there is nothing to fear. The intimate knowledge of iboga and the channeling of spiritual/subtler energies during the ritual tailored to the recipient/initiate by the shaman & community, I imagine,  would be essential in the complete healing/reconstruction of the individual.


Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: BlueTiger on February 27, 2014, 06:05:09 AM
in due time

The entity which towered over me and sent me to a 'place' with a lot of repetitive & silly visuals, as well mundane and dreary visuals I have recently realized was iboga telling me I did not need repeat floods, that I had enough still to work on from the first flood.

DD, thank you, it feels great to be back and see some good energy flowing through our home.  I am so glad you are tuning into the power of sound and music.  If by chance you want to go deeper on a level of cognitive neuroscience with this phenomena, I suggest considering: "This is Your Brain on Music: The Science of a Human Obsession."  Forewarning, it is certainly geared towards folks who have a working knowledge of music.  It's amazing how this book simplifies the complex magical mystery of music into sounds, and then to even more microscopic levels, and the dynamic effects we experience.

The Bwiti knew that their music would increase the effects of this toxic, poison we know as Iboga.  They knew the importance of taking high doses to achieve certain desired effects, and they knew the risk.  It seems as if Bwiti music is what mitigated this risk, and I am confident still does today. 

"Music is the only language that speaks directly to the divine."

Music is substance.  My tongue drum and didgeridoo are like instant theta-wave inducers, each very different though. 

It's all vibrations guys.  The rest is just the matrix  ;)

DD, I reread your earlier post (interesting how we choose to see things, or don't depending upon.....)we have had very similar experiences with the root.  I felt I was also warned about the seriousness of not returning.  I think it may be the beginning of an unwanted expression of a gene or something.  Others have told me that it is considered an NDE.  Either way, it is weird because I feel both blessed for the life satisfying experience, and embarrassed that I needed to go there at all.  That's just my self consciousness flaring up, going through momentous change, and a bit too fast in the last month especially.  Going to really enjoy my "time off"...soon I hope.  Anyway, the gratitude for the experience outweighs any morsel of fleeting conflicted sentiment.  I would not change a thing, if I could.  The mystery of what's next is too enticing.  I feel like I am being summoned or something. 
Big Hug for Ya,
Blue
Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: ddraig on February 27, 2014, 12:20:41 PM
thank you my brother, much love back at you :D. Great to hear that you are doing well.

The music and beats no doubt is integral in working with spiritual energy. Part of the shamanic process. My healing session with the shamanic practitioner was a confirmation. If you search for 'Pomo Shaman' on youtube, the ritual performed was similar to that incredible video. I don't link to it directly out of respect. Since the healing I have felt whole, like the final pieces were put in place. What I experienced during the session was incredible, and left feeling tight and energized around my heart and crown chakras. I feel more assertive and grounded. More myself.

Thats cool that journeying with different instruments produces different experiences? My journeying with drums as part of my homework with the practitioner has been amazing. Have seen the overlap between synchronicities in ordinary reality, and working with non-ordinary reality via journeying. With intent, the results have occurred in ways that have dumbfounded me, and only in hindsight at times have I seen/felt the connection. Its like a whole different mode of looking at the world. Like a child.

During my journeys so far I have encountered what I believe to be the spirit of iboga and of mimosahuasca after journeying to see my helping spirits, among others. Kali showed up too once. Did not know what the black skinned 4 armed indian looking being was during a journey to the upper world. After a google on this description I saw who it was. She represents transformation, and I took this as a good omen the night before seeing the shamanic practitioner!

Journeying to ask iboga how best to work with the sacred bark is something that would interesting.

With regards to the entity I described in the OP, just recently read about Jung's Philemon, which is a form Elijah took for him during his experiences recorded in the Red Book. The entity I saw did look very similar to this:
https://www.philemonfoundation.org/img/philemon-lg.jpg

Really not sure what mine was was exactly, but it had a powerful presence. Philemon for Jung was an expression that what he saw was not all just symbols from his own consciousness/psyche, but actually distinct consciousness separate from his. Not to compare my experience with Jung's or to suggest that I was visited by a powerful being represented by Philemon, but a big part of my flood at that time was to commune and explore with that world more. This was a confirmation to me that there was more than my own 'mind salad' being presented during the iboga journeys. Though arguably that can always be a subjective call.

Guess the point is, regardless what you believe, as with all shamanic practice, the proof is in the direct experience of results in ordinary reality, and with tools like journeying with drums etc...and the plant allies like iboga, its clear to me that this stuff works, an can work in the long run if you put the work in afterwords.

Title: Re: Friday October 20th 3rd flood dose and Entity Questions
Post by: BlueTiger on March 01, 2014, 11:23:35 AM
Guess the point is, regardless what you believe, as with all shamanic practice, the proof is in the direct experience of results in ordinary reality, and with tools like journeying with drums etc...and the plant allies like iboga, its clear to me that this stuff works, an can work in the long run if you put the work in afterwords.

Amen. 

I keep coming back to this question about visions. 
-Why did we each see an entity? 
-Why are all the visions from Iboga and most entheogenic experiences I know of seem like it is manifesting from the crevasses of our own mind?

This clarifies my next questions:
-Is it truly "our" mind?  Or do we share this "mind" with other things, or everything?

I just keep feeling more connected on levels that most of the my world cannot really relate to.  Not a fun place to be.  Hence, my gratitude for you DD!  Thank you for your post.  Thank you for keeping this thread alive, and foreseeing the importance in doing so.  Now I am ready for the day.  A good day to experience, change, and grow!