Eboka General => Eboka Journals => Topic started by: TS on October 08, 2013, 01:59:49 PM

Title: No visions-Looking for advice
Post by: TS on October 08, 2013, 01:59:49 PM
Hi everyone

I took 3 gr of TA almost 2 months ago. At the beginning of the year, I ordered 4 gr and took it in 3 parts over a few months just to get a feel for the plant. 

Anyway, I didn't eat anything since the night before and only had one small smoothie in the morning.  I took the full 3 grams at 4 in the afternoon with the curtains closed in the space of 30 mins.  Then, I just lay back and listened to Bwiti music for a while.  At about 10 that night I just started to vomit so much.  I counted at least ten times in quick succession which was strange because I hadn't eaten anything since the day before.  After that I still didn't have any visions. 

Even when I took doses of 1 gr at the beginning of the year, I always vomit after 5-6 hours.  I've never had visions on Iboga.  Is it just not for me, or what?  I heard such good things about it and I felt that there was great potential. 

I'm so disappointed because I went through so much (especially physically) and I didn't get the insights and understanding and closure that I was looking for.

What did I do wrong and should I ever try it again?

I look forward to your views.


TS :)
Title: Re: No visions-Looking for advice
Post by: DiamondHeart on October 08, 2013, 02:22:52 PM

The thing about these plant medicines whether aya or iboga is that they aren’t subject to our expectations of them. So, while you may have the best of intentions and reasons for taking them, they are going to act on you as they see fit. To say they act in mysterious ways is an understatement. Just to complicate matters further, everyone response differently depending on their own neurochemistry. We each have a different past and different mental obstacles that we are hoping iboga will help us with, so our experience is always unique. You did nothing wrong.

For me both aya and iboga seem to be focused on having me do a LOT of purging. There is a huge difference between throwing up and purging. What you described with the TA was purging – iboga was doing some hardcore healing, it’s just not the sort of healing you were expecting.

The first time I did iboga was in combination with kambo. I did kambo in the morning and took  RB in the evening. On the last day that I did kambo, I took about 12g of RB that night and had some flashing images and a very short but meaningful vision – only lasted a minute or two but it was amazing. It was the first time I have ever heard someone’s voice in my head!

I attempted a flood 6 months ago. After about 4 hours in, I started purging like there was no tomorrow. It continued every 10 – 15 mins for the entire night. Nasty, highly acidic stuff that burned my throat. If you can imagine what battery acid mixed with cigarette ash tastes like, that was it. I was worn out by the time morning came around. I lost count of the times I said “never again” but actually reaching that point is a good thing as you are being pushed to your limit. I can’t believe that it was for nothing even though I have “nothing to show for it”.

Only you can decide if you should try it again. I microdosed in August and it helped me a lot in subtle and not so subtle ways. You may want to consider taking a break from it for a few months. It’s best not to overdo it. Having some downtime from it is as important as the time that you’re taking it.
Title: Re: No visions-Looking for advice
Post by: TS on October 08, 2013, 03:18:28 PM
Hi Entheo_newbie

Thanks for such a good response.  I think I just needed that re-assurance as I seem to have forgotten some of the points you made.  I took Ayahuasca 5 times and always had visions except for the second time I took it.  I remember feeling angry and almost cheated that time which is a bit silly since we approach these plants asking for their help but then, at the same time, we unconsciously expect them to adhere to our expectations and our way of doing things when they are the teachers.

One of my intentions was to rid myself of all negative energies and influences and I guess that was part of what all the purging was about.  Maybe I thought that because I had purged a few times with Ayahuasca that I wouldn't have to purge so much again ::)  But I just remembered a podcast I watched with Graham Hancock when the guy asks him why he still goes to Brazil every year to do ceremonies and he says that the resistance we build up over our lifetime is so huge that it takes a lot to break it down.  And I have definitely accumulated so much sh*t over my lifetime that I doubt it will go away completely in a few sessions.

I'm not sure if I will ever take Iboga again but I definitely won't be doing it anytime soon, even though I still have 1gr TA left over.  Maybe once I've recovered fully in a physical sense, I will consider it but probably not in the next year or so.

I'm still curious though ;D
Title: Re: No visions-Looking for advice
Post by: DiamondHeart on October 08, 2013, 04:14:16 PM
well if one of your intentions was to get rid of negativity then I'm surprised you got off that easily  ;)
I'm in no way implying that you're a bad person, just that getting rid of that sort of stuff is extremely difficult - I hate to think how long its going to take me to purge almost 6 decades of it... yikes, better buy a bigger bucket!

I've always wondered why people stay in abusive relationships and I'm beginning to understand. Change is hard and fear of the unknown is stronger than the pain of the current situation. As Hancock says, we build up a lot of resistance.

Make sure to store that TA correctly so that it doesn't lose it potency.

Take care and be kind to yourself.
Title: Re: No visions-Looking for advice
Post by: infinity on October 12, 2013, 03:27:00 PM
That is so great! Its always nice to read such a visceral reminder of the potential of these visionary plants. I too have been guided by this plant away from the trap that is depression. Never thought there was a chemical cure for a broken heart until recently. Do you have any spiritual inclinations now?