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Messages - rainfruit

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Introductions / greetings everyone
« on: February 05, 2016, 12:19:43 PM »
Hey everyone.

I'm getting ready for my first contact with iboga, through microdosing, in a few weeks.  I have a golden window of opportunity where I don't have work for a month and will be devoting the time to healing and self reflection.

I'm dealing with an energy pattern that has been present for much of my life.  It's basically a combination of a guilt complex and feelings of worthlessness and self-criticism.  When I was a teenager it manifested as a severe eating disorder that I struggled with until my late 20's.  Thankfully I was able to find a variety of holistic therapies, and ultimately a few years of working with ayahuasca helped me leave the eating disorder behind for good.

In the years since however, my physical health has been a mess and my mental health an issue too (depression, lack of motivation, etc).  I recognize that I am still wrestling with that same demon underneath it all.  It has morphed and gotten slightly weaker, but it's still there attempting to drag my life towards a void of narcissism, contraction, and suffering.

A year and a half ago, I started working with kambo in hopes of transcending it fully.  It's been an incredible journey, and it's difficult to define what exactly kambo has been doing.  It has certainly been rearranging me from the inside, allowing light to shine through in vast ways.  But that one piece at the core is still stuck, I can feel it.  Although maybe it's more isolated now and easier to see.  I feel like my relationship with kambo will be very long term, and for whatever reason here I am at the gates of iboga.  I know all these medicines work together, and but exactly how is beyond my understanding.

Anyway, that brings me to now.  I'm excited this board exists and I look forward to learning and exchanging with all of you as I begin this journey.

Hey Muschae, I'm new here also but just wanted to chime in.  I relate very much to what you've shared about your struggles.  I feel like I could have written the same exact thing a few years ago, with a few minor differences.  I relate completely to the dissociation as a result of upbringing by well-meaning but clueless parents.  And to having an unauthentic personality that feels like a prison... yup.  The reason I say a "few years ago" is because my issues have shifted a little bit in their manifestation.  But at the core are still the same.

I am totally new to iboga, I'm planning a microdosing period soon too to deal with this.

I wish you much luck in your microdosing/flood.  I'll be reading your updates. :)

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