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Messages - humility

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General Discussion / Re: I'm addicted to GABA-B Agonist Phenibut
« on: October 28, 2012, 03:08:54 PM »
@roy d: How much phenibut? Between 600mg and 3600mg for two weeks depending on the day and anticipated amount of anxiety. For the larger dose days, I would spread the dosage out throughout the day. Did it help mitigate the anxiety? Absolutely. I've been tapering now for a few days and withdrawal seems to be OK with that method. I haven't had any phenibut for two days and feel OK. I think I'm passed the worst of it.

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General Discussion / Re: I'm addicted to GABA-B Agonist Phenibut
« on: October 25, 2012, 04:22:44 PM »
Thanks for the link. I'm reading it now for a refresher. Unfortunately nothing about GABA-B and it hasn't been updated in ~10 years  :(

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General Discussion / I'm addicted to GABA-B Agonist Phenibut
« on: October 24, 2012, 06:57:20 PM »
Does anyone know how well iboga plays with GABA-B agonists? I'm addicted to Phenibut which I've been using to curb anxiety. However, I realize now it's become an addiction and the withdrawal is terrible with this stuff. So my main question is if I can take iboga (obviously following all recommended safety precautations) *while* still being addicted to this substance. Thoughts? Experiences? Thanks!

P.S. I took a large dose of iboga about a decade ago so this is not my first run.

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General Discussion / Re: What happens when we die?
« on: August 23, 2011, 04:16:38 PM »
At best, hearing and wanting to believe those stories from hundreds to thousands of years ago are akin to believing in stories of Santa Claus. Yes, I desperately want to believe in Santa Claus, and all of the goodness that he represents, yet it is just a STORY/IDEA. Thus, when looking at past people of goodness (e.g., MLK, Gandhi, Jesus, Edgar Cayce, Buddha, etc...) I wonder if it's just a STORY/IDEA and one that's been perpetuated over the decades/centuries. After all, none of the aforementioned individuals gave us quote ultimate truth. We are still lost. This is why being in the presence of someone RIGHT NOW who has these types of answers is of paramount importance to me. Unfortunately, I have not found that person nor do I believe I ever will -- because they do not exist. Please, please, please prove me wrong. Iboga showed me A LOT but did not rid this particular monkey from my back. Yes, Iboga showed me "souls" coming to, and leaving the Earth, but that could be construed as hallucinogenic mumbo-jumbo. A trick of the brain, and what I *wanted* to see. I am looking for real, tangible answers/insight.

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General Discussion / Re: What happens when we die?
« on: August 23, 2011, 04:04:11 PM »
I'm looking for personal testimonials and/or insight from, if possible, LIVING people and not dead people that living people look to for support like the Tibetan Book of the Dead, Edgar Cayce, etc. Most of us have been through those circles, and many more. I'm looking for personal testimonials NOW. Someone I can talk to NOW. In the FLESH.

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General Discussion / Re: What happens when we die?
« on: August 22, 2011, 07:14:04 PM »
I have no remembrance of any past lives. Someone I knew who was touted as a "spiritual teacher" once said that most humans don't remember their past lives because it's a form of amnesia -- it would be too painful to remember, much like an accident victim. That's the best argument I've heard thus far. However, it begs the question if past lives are a fact, where is the line drawn? Do dogs reincarnate? Bugs? Grass? Dirt? Molecules? Atoms? Particles? Etc... Why are humans perceived as being so "special" other than their supposed "superior intelligence"?

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General Discussion / Re: What happens when we die?
« on: August 22, 2011, 07:11:31 PM »
Does everything have consciousness? If not, where is the line drawn. If so, does a plastic lawn chair have consciousness and "live on" after its physical demise?

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Micro-Dosing / Re: Successfully microdosed 50mg rootbark! Implications?
« on: August 21, 2011, 06:59:27 PM »
I sprinked some TA on my toothpaste this morning and brushed my teeth, gums and mouth with it. I then swished it around my mouth for 15 minutes. I experienced some numbness in my mouth. Throughout the day I had a minor glow. My experience did not come close to that of what moyshekapoyre described unfortunately. I will experiment again with just pure TA and hold it in my mouth for as long as possible before swallowing.

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Diet & Recipes / Re: how to prevent the respiratory depression?
« on: August 21, 2011, 10:32:30 AM »
I had trouble breathing with low doses of IW rootbark. The problem wasn't in my chest, it was like my nose was plugged up. It felt like trying to breath through a straw. It prevented me from doing larger doses of root bark. I could breath through my mouth just fine but I prefer to breath through my nose :)

I did NOT have this problem with the IW TA.

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Ten years ago I experienced a death and rebirth with the help of iboga in a hotel room in Canada by myself after 3 years of intense spiritual cultivation. It was a profound experience that changed my life for the better. In fact for 5 years I lived what iboga taught me. Amazing things happened. However, after 5 years I intentionally stopped following what I learned from iboga. The experiences I was having in my spiritual practice and day-to-day life were become too extreme, too amazing, too inexplicable. I thought I might be going crazy. So I stopped all that, cold turkey. Since then I've gradually gone down hill. I fight depression, lethargy and anger daily. The only thing I look forward too is drinking liquor as it provides me an escape from normal waking consciousness. I am considering another flood dose 10 years after the first as I have become lost and disenchanted and want to get back to where I was 5 years ago. Any thoughts?

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General Discussion / What happens when we die?
« on: August 14, 2011, 10:04:43 AM »
?

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General Discussion / Re: Just wanted to vent somewhere.
« on: October 05, 2010, 09:07:15 PM »
Thanks @Fallout330... Time does heal indeed...

@digital_phreedom: You and I share a bond. Take this to heart my friend. I'm still buzzed but that doesn't diminish the truth of this post. After all, a drunk can tell you it's bad to drink. Ok. When I was about 19 a good friend of mine was addicted to heroin. He was the high school basketball star where he and I grew up. He spent the night at my house a lot and me at his and, yes, I was too quite an athlete. Anyway, he ended up getting a full scholarship to play college ball. However, I knew he was still hooked on heroin. At that point, I was approximately 21 years old, had long left the community and moved across the country, and had experienced a full dose of iboga for "spiritual development/initiation/death experience" when I was 20. Without a doubt, it changed my life. I wanted to impart my knowledge of iboga on him, and got his address. I talked to him on the phone and mailed him a bunch of info. However, The packet full of information about iboga was returned to me. I gave up then and took it as "fate". Not very long later I left the country and lived in England and later Asia for close to a year.

One day, about 3-4 months later, I awoke and was brushing my teeth in a flat in a 3rd world country in Asia. I had a daydream occur to me. I envisioned my heroin-addict friend thanking me for trying to help him through the use of iboga. I hadn't thought about my friend in well over 6 months so this was a surprise to me. I then walked to the cyber cafe (which was a pretty much daily occurrence) to check my email. I got an email from my father, and it said that my friend had just overdosed from heroin and was dead. It was in all the local papers. I was shocked. Was my friend really thanking me while I brushed my teeth while I daydreamed it? I'll never know.  Two weeks later I visited the same cyber cafe and received another email from my father saying "... I'm sorry to tell you this but XXX has died from an apparent overdose/poisoning...." Yes, another great friend overdosed from heroin 2-3 weeks after my basketball friend. The latter friend and I played guitar and envisioned a band together. Ever since those two deaths I have never been the same. It's been about 8 years.

So, digital, when I read your posts I really root for you, no pun intended, and I resonate with what you're going through. Although I have "struggled" with alcohol, it has been nothing compared to what you and my two friends have gone through with opiate addiction. I wish you the best and am here to impart any wisdom I have.

Much Love,
Humility

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General Discussion / Just wanted to vent somewhere.
« on: October 05, 2010, 02:54:09 PM »
I am buzzed right now. First time in well over a month I've had any alcohol. Life has been good and I've been serious about being healthy. However, today, after a couple days of "weirdness" between my fiance and I (who currently participate in a long distance relationship), I have just drank about a bottle of wine, and there's another bottle on the way. This is not a pity party. I'm just venting. We've been together for almost two years, are engaged, and there is no other woman I'll feel closer with. If it doesn't turn out well with her, I've always told myself, it won't turn out well with anyone. In the past couple of days she's been acting strange and eventually told me that I don't make enough money and she's considering breaking up. That is wrong on so many levels to me that I'm not even going to get into her selfishness, materialism, etc., in this post. Like I said, I just wanted to vent and will probably regret it because I'm buzzed off wine.

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Eboka Talk / Re: Hello, new here with a ?
« on: October 02, 2010, 08:34:51 AM »
I wonder what s/he's is hoping to take from the experience.

The difference for me between the RB and TA was PRONOUNCED. Much less than a GRAM of RB would knock me out. I'd HAVE to sleep for a LONG time and there was NO waking me for *any* reason. The TA, on the other hand, does not have that effect on me.

@Lbark: please share when you get through from the other side!

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