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Messages - Miss Demeanour

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General Discussion / Re: Iboga and Mucuna Pruriens - F*ck Yeah!
« on: July 05, 2013, 03:47:28 AM »
I used to just suck it up if I felt I was wronged or bullied or whatever then took some drugs to make me feel better. Now I have to examine the reasons for these negative feelings and deal with them....which sometimes means figuring out the root feelings and the reason for my overreaction and if I legitimately determine that I'm not really overreacting much then I need to deal with the people that are pushing my buttons in a constructive manner.

THAT! Your words could not come at a better time to remind me that no matter how interesting it is to tweak my brain chemistry with stuff (including Ibo), the tweaking can only be a temporary aide in dealing with the sort of emotional knee-jerk responses I have allowed to become my default mode.

I suppose I'm always at a risk of falling into some sort of hubris, a la "if I can control my neurotransmitters, I can control my life and everything". Ibo has been kicking my arse a wee bit in that regard, just to make the point that it is not a crutch. There is a fine line between balancing an out-of-control brain chemistry (which Ibo sorted out for me like a breeze) and refusing to deal with life on any other level than a chemical one (which Ibo refuses to participate in).

I continue to be amazed at how opinionated this plant is. I do get when people on here say it has an agenda. It certainly is opposed to bullshit :-)

General Discussion / Re: Iboga and Mucuna Pruriens - F*ck Yeah!
« on: July 01, 2013, 05:40:09 AM »
Ah I see. Very impressive facial hair ;-)

Eboka Journals / Re: Microdose experiment and flood questions
« on: June 25, 2013, 08:13:51 AM », so my flood plans seem to have fallen through for the time being - turned out the people I had in mind weren't right for me after all. Duh. Now its looking for a sitter - but will probably wait some more time and do it when the time is right.

I'm not actually sure if I need a flood at this stage. My dissociative symptoms are completely gone - I'm just fine-tuning my brain now. Two months ago, I would have literally thought this impossible. The DID also remains in remission for a good month after microdosing, so not just a temporary effect.

Staying Clean / Re: epistemological framework
« on: June 25, 2013, 08:08:20 AM »
@Bluetiger - yeah well, I should know, I had a full blown case of Dissociative Identity Disorder before I took Iboga, which is just about as fragmented as you can get (not just two disjointed Ego-states but two dozen).

I'm still wary of drawing final conclusions (psydocs say one needs to be integrated from DID for at least 3 months before one can say it was successful) but since the first Ibo coursed trough my bloodstream I have been one person. I have no idea how this worked but it did.

Have you ever heard of a guy named Roy Bhaskar? He is a British philosopher (still alive) who has tried to formulate an actual theory of science based on the model of an integrated, non-dual reality. He claims that this "tree-structure" actually is the structure of emergent reality, with the unity of all literally a scientific fact. Very fascinating.

General Discussion / Re: Iboga and Mucuna Pruriens - F*ck Yeah!
« on: June 25, 2013, 07:54:07 AM »
...and two days and copious amounts of Mucuna later gone are the symptoms AND the anhedonia and I'm a happy bunny! Hows that for a bug-fix  :)

I also noticed that while/after microdosing, some mild symptoms of SSRI withdrawal can set in (dizziness, spaced-out feeling, not real "brain-zaps" but something close) - the 5HTP sorted this out for me.

With this regime I guess I can use microdoses for regular "brain-washing" purposes :-)

Staying Clean / Re: epistemological framework
« on: June 23, 2013, 10:19:03 AM »

this is an old thread, but I only just found it... tryl, I think its interesting you bring up the dialectic. I am trying to use Hegelian dialectics as a meditative technique and it works really well for defragmenting the mind.

Essentially, the idea is that the "motor" of a contradiction is always outside the contradiction. So if you find two incompatible/contradictory thought patterns in your head, chances are thy come from the outside.

Example: say you have wildly fluctuating self-esteem, you oscillate between grandiosity and self-loathing, such as imho many addicts do. the point is to see where the contradiction comes from. In my case, e.g. I grew up in an environment where I was alternatiely hyped and cut down by others. So I developed two incompatible self images based on that. The trick is now to realise that it is not my self that is contradictory, it is the behaviour of people on the outside. So that way I kind of push the contradiction out of my system and back into the world. Its kind of socialism for the soul :-)

If you follow a process like that and sublate (=remove) contradiction from your self, the self automatically strives toward unity and "de-fragmentation". It is my firm belief that Ibo helps with this process or that it is even made for this purpose. I'm fascinated by the similarity of neural structures, the fractal shape of trees (like Iboga) and a dialectic logical pattern. They all look suspiciously the same :-)

General Discussion / Re: Iboga and Mucuna Pruriens - F*ck Yeah!
« on: June 23, 2013, 07:43:05 AM »
@ Calaquendi, you’ll laugh even harder when I tell you that before Ibo, I only did Coke twice and it had next to no effect on me. I suppose it works by blocking the Dopamine receptor so that dopamine levels in the brain rise and give you a rush – only if there is too little dopamine in the body to start with, that won’t do much. After Ibo, on the other hand....
Something is seriously going in the wrong direction here :-)

Re Ibo and dopamine, yeah, it seems to do two things: in the one hand it speeds up dopamine metabolism (more dopamine metabolites means less dopamine) and so lowers the total amount of dopamine in the body, as it says here for example:

Though ibogaine does not appear to affect binding at dopamine receptors or transporters (Broderick, Phelan, and Berger, 1992), it has been found to reduce extracellular levels of dopamine in the nucleus accumbens (Glick and Maisonneuve, 1998; Glick et al., 1999). Ibogaine effects on dopamine metabolites appear to be inconsistent. When measurements are taken shortly after administration (within 2 hours), or when high concentrations are used (greater than 100 uM), increases in dihydroxyphenyl-acetic acid (DOPAC) and homovanilic acid (HVA) are seen (Maisonneuve, Keller, and Glick, 1991; Maisonneuve, Rossman, Keller and Glick, 1992; Sershen, Hashim, Harsing, and Lajtha, 1992). However, when lower concentrations are used (e.g. 10 uM) or measurements are taken after a longer period of time (up to a week), dopamine brain concentrations remain unchanged, and metabolite concentrations decrease (Maisonneuve, Keller, and Glick, 1991; Shershen, Hashim, Harsing, and Lajtha, 1992).

On the other, it is technically an SSRI and like you said, all SSRIs can lower dopamine because serotonin and dopamine compete for docking space at the synapse. That is why some doctors prescribe dopaminergic drugs in combo with SSRIs. See here:

A mechanism to explain relapse unique to SSRI antidepressant treatment remains uncertain. Recently, McGrath and colleagues[5] proposed that relapse during SSRI maintenance may arise from the SSRI-induced depletion of dopamine in the striatum and limbic forebrain. In a preliminary open study of SSRI augmentation with the dopamine agonist bromocriptine, 6 of 12 (intent-to-treat) patients fully regained remissions from depressive symptoms.
(There's plenty more studies but can't be arsed to google them now - if you look for SSRI and dopamine depletion you'll also find a lot of anecdotal stories)

Both is probably less of an issue when one floods – you do it once and then recover. The lower level of dopamine in that case probably causes the receptors to become more sensitive, so once the body replenishes dopamine, it is subjectively higher than before. But if one microdoses for a prolonged period of time that replenishing might not happen enough and that could cause some unforeseen side effects like we have seen on this board.

(This is all total armchair neuroscience btw, I am in no way qualified).

On the other hand, this might mean that Ibo could actually be quite successful in pulling someone out of a psychosis. I’m not recommending this, just saying it is theoretically possible.

Had 1200mg rootbark yesterday and towards evening was getting this “bombed-out” low dopamine feeling – fatigue, muscle aches, light tremor (mini-Parkinson’s). So today it is Mucuna time and seeing if I can fill back up. Tbc!

General Discussion / Re: Iboga and Mucuna Pruriens - F*ck Yeah!
« on: June 22, 2013, 01:58:24 PM »
The annoying thing is, I don't usually do coke, but where I was it was free and plenty, so thought, why not...well, now I know why not. Nasty, horrible stuff.

I guess I had kind of a protracted comedown, but with my underlying imbalance that can slide into depression pretty quickly. So hoping I can sort out the damage from just one use with this cycle.

I'll let you know if it works...

General Discussion / Re: Iboga and Mucuna Pruriens - F*ck Yeah!
« on: June 22, 2013, 12:38:30 PM »
edit: by "messed up" I mean, I could go to sleep ok but could not get out of bed in the morning and took a long while to wake up, hence why I thought it was dopamine related.

General Discussion / Re: Iboga and Mucuna Pruriens - F*ck Yeah!
« on: June 22, 2013, 12:35:52 PM »

my sleep pattern was amazing since my last microdose cycle, then about 3 weeks after my last Iboga I stupidly stuck my nose in some white powder and messed it up. I had anhedonia for about 10 days, 5HTP wasn't helping, so tried the Mucuna, that did.

General Discussion / Iboga and Mucuna Pruriens - F*ck Yeah!
« on: June 22, 2013, 06:46:17 AM »
Hi all,

just wanted to report that I have figured out how to avoid the negativity/anger/depression that has sometimes crept up on me when microdosing - I saw that some other ppl here had similar issues, so thought I'd post it.

I have low dopamine levels (probably hereditary) and since Iboga lowers dopamine, it left me somewhat depleted, which was the reason for these symptoms. So before my current cycle, I pre-loaded with Mucuna pruriens (L-Dopa) for a few days and WOW! It has made my time with Iboga from difficult into absolutely f*ckin sublime! I sat with around a gram of RB and some good herb yesterday and it was the most euphoric, loving and beautiful experience. Deep wisdom and insight and a totally new appreciation of music. Amazing.

Word of caution: do absolutely NOT try this if you have high dopamine to start with - it could result in mania or schizophrenic-like symptoms (same effect as in cocaine or amphetamine psychosis). If in doubt, you can get a medical test for this.

So now I was wondering: so far I've only pre-loaded but not taken the Ibo and the Mucuna at the same time. I'm wondering if that could have negative effects. Does anyone have info or experiences with Ibo and dopamine precursors (also Tyrosine, altho that doesn't seem to work for me)?

Bestest wishes.

General Discussion / Re: Clouded
« on: June 15, 2013, 07:36:02 AM »

I had quite a bit of "brain fog" going on due to smoking ridiculously overbred skunk - I found that microdosing along with a daily diet of 5-HTP, l-theanine and omega 3 acids helped a LOT (well and laying off the skunk, obviously). I find that "mental sharpness" seems to be serotonin related, the more I push my serotonin levels the clearer my head gets. Maybe worth a try.

Best of luck!

Eboka Journals / Re: Microdose Meditation
« on: June 12, 2013, 05:58:29 AM »

that sounds awesome, congrats on the success with reprogramming your head! I'm doing similar things, have been off the rb for two weeks now but starting dosing again this weekend, with a plan for the things I'd like to change.

That book looks very interesting, I'll see if I can get hold of it.

General Discussion / Re: Iboga and language/writing
« on: June 03, 2013, 05:38:41 AM »
...aaand here I go, thoroughly Iboga shut down my language apparatus for a day or two - and then rebooted it with a new turbo charge, including super-motivation and no sight of my writer's block. Been writing half a chapter only yesterday.

truly amazing.

General Discussion / Re: Iboga and language/writing
« on: May 30, 2013, 05:43:24 AM »
haha lalababa, that sounds more like my natural state of being! Makes me wonder if I should flood now though seeing as I have a thesis to write - I think it is meant to consist of more than three-word sentences.

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