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Messages - Morninggloryseed

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16
I find the high frequency buzzing from DMT similar to iboga, but certainly not the same.  So many comments in this thread I could reply all day.  I think I will just add that you should keep working with DMT, absorb it, learn to love it (like iboga).  Eventually, you can smoke 100mg or more in a sitting with no fear.  DMT is such a good teacher and DMT will always surprise.  You can have a dozen trips with the same batch and then suddenly the entire DMT experience can change and feel like a new teacher.  There is so much to learn from DMT.

17
Eboka Talk / Re: so much research agrees & still it is the way it is
« on: March 20, 2013, 02:52:52 PM »
I don't see why big pharma even needs to get involved.  Iboga should be treated like marijuana is...screw outdated harmful federal laws (here in US anyway) let the smarter states deal with it.  Iboga should be available like dispensary pot is, I don't want a dose of ibogaine from grubby big pharma's hands.

18
Eboka Talk / Re: Flooding tomorrow
« on: March 20, 2013, 02:01:34 PM »
Been caught up in my own world, and failed to say good words to you.  I know you took the time to say nice things to me.  As the others say, ibogaine sometimes works and we don't know it.  On my ibogaine trip, I don't think I realized it had 'worked' for 24hr.

And like you, I was never overwhelmed.  I feel like I could have taken twice the dose I did (1gram hcl + 3/4g TA) and will probably take a much higher dose in a year for "spiritual" purposes.  I'll keep up and let me know if you need any encouraging.  If it worked for me, it will work for anyone.

19
Eboka Journals / Defragmentation and Factory Restore
« on: March 19, 2013, 05:53:38 PM »
Part Two: Later That Year

This trip report will read a lot like the Seinfeld episode where time goes backwards, the end of the episode is at the start, and the start is at the ending.

Now that it has been two weeks since my ibogaine experience has concluded, I feel much stronger about making sweeping announcements about the nature of the experience and what it did for me. As of today, I still make one or two new ‘epiphinies’ about my new-found sobriety and the feeling of being free makes me higher than damn near anything.

I am a Beatles and Pink Floyd man and never thought native music would reach me.  But all I listened to on ibogaine was native music from Gabon.  These selections are the ones that really affected me on the experience so I ask you to play these songs when reading this.  Maybe you will enjoy this music as much as I did.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWf2amOxyCQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niC5UmWa3cs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFLFJTqmZY4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cRQ...NXQKnF1lXAVyjM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyJ0...A6068BCAA562F1

Epilogue B:
3/13/13:

Life has become very busy for lack of a better term. I seem left with little time to write about my experience nearly two weeks ago. Because pressing life issues unrelated to the subject of this report are currently eating at me, I feel little time to sit around and feel the joy and inner peace I now have since the demon was exorcised from me. But in the interest of giving word to those wondering how things worked out for me, I am going to try to write about what happened.

Now that it has been nearly two weeks, the utter disbelief at how complete this ibogaine worked for me is finally starting to fade. Here is the thing…I obtained the ibogaine specifically to relieve myself of the physical withdrawal from 10 years of opiate abuse. I never expected (or believed) it was possible to completely erase the part of my brain that loved, desired, and sought out opiates at the expense of relationships, finances, and health. I figured I would be left to deal with the nagging desire to get warm and fuzzy for the rest of my existence. But it seems that I do not have to. It still feels a bit weird to type but I swear my readers it is completely true:

As of today, I have no desire to ever use opiates again.  The part of my brain that used to seek opiates for pain, pleasure, and all in between has been erased, reformatted, and no longer contributes to my programming.

To top it off, that pressing life issue (unrelated to MGS’s opiate addiction) I mentioned is giving me more stress now than I have ever experienced in my life. But not for a single second have I told myself that I can just buy some kratom or oxycodone and then things won’t bother me. The idea of taking an opiate to deal with my stress is absent, and even abhorrent to think about. It is as though the ibogaine went in and erased every opiate-taking instinct I ever had. This is nothing short of a miracle.

Finally some other unexpected observations post ibogaine therapy:

• I cannot smoke a cigarette. I still enjoy a puff from a pipe or smoking tobacco from a one-hitter but I have tried my own hand rolled (and expensive) tobacco and a friend’s Camels…and the results were the same….the taste nearly made me puke. Never expected this or even wanted it, but now it is so. No more tobacco smoking for MGS, save for a puff from a pipe.

• As of today, I cannot eat beef or pork but I still enjoy eating bird meat, dairy, and eggs. Where on earth this came from, I have no idea. I have no moral objections to eating meat and I am convinced humans were not meant to be vegans. But sure enough post ibogaine, I have not been able to eat beef or pork and when offered meat at dinner, I almost became sick at the idea. Holy shit! In addition, I stopped eating prepared foods and have essentially gone on a all raw, except for chicken at dinner or eggs for breakfast. My digestion is far healthier now, I feel better than I have ever felt, and I think I even look better.

• I do not seem to ‘need’ my amphetamine or lorazapam. The first couple days after taking the ibogaine I was extremely fatigued and resumed my dose of amphetamine in the morning and sleeper at night. But when my scripts ran out the other day I decided to try without. Sure enough all I seem to need now is a cup of coffee and I am working away. Sleep at night comes on its own, and I dream and awake refreshed. Now I cannot say I have no desire to ever use amphetamines or stimulants again. I still look forward to the way speed focuses me into music production, or helps me focus deeply on writing. But I do not feel like I ‘need’ amphetamine anymore and I am not sitting around longing for it now that my script is empty. Same with the lorazapam but every single reason I ever used benzodiazapines are no longer a reality for me so continuing to take one does not make sense. Hell, that means save for marijuana or other ‘noids’ I am now “drug free.” This was not something I expected from ibogaine or even wanted. But it now seems to be the reality.

I have always said (of people with addictions) that you haven’t quit until a year has gone by. Ok, so if I hold myself to that standard I can say that I am surer of anything that in a year I will still be free of narcotic addiction, and I will only be using other drugs with moderation. Ibogaine is more than a miracle isn’t it?

My best friend who was with me as I underwent this experience commented that he notices significant differences in my personality…this nearly two weeks past the therapy date. Specifically, the aura of sadness he ascribes to my personality is gone. He commented that I seem to have a new sense of optimism, even in the face of the new stressor I must now deal with, and a new ability to deal with life stressors that he never associated with my personality before.

3/5/13
Prologue:

It has been a while since I have written a trip report. Part of that is because I don’t take psychedelics much anymore, and I suppose part of that is because the rare times I do take one…it seems to be 2C-B or 2C-C. I love both of them, but neither tends to inspire me to write up compelling reports...they are very well known to me.

In the past year, I left my Colorado home to return to family and try to fix up the life I have all but managed to destroy for myself. The ever present struggle with opiates is a huge part of this ‘fixing up.’ I have been mostly free of opiates in recent months, but I suffer greatly from Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). I do not sleep more than a few hours a night (if at all), I live with constant anxiety and background stimulation. In the evening and at night I have no ability to relax and move past the constant tension my CNS and PNS make me live with. I have been unable to return to anything close to a normal sleep schedule, and unable to seriously consider looking for work while I am a sleep deprived zombie.

I first mentioned ibogaine to my family a year ago, and they were open to it. For reasons I still do not understand, I completely put it out of my mind soon after and all the months I had the money to buy grams of it…I never did. When I ran out of savings recently and had to quit buying kratom I went through some serious hell of withdrawal. Sure, that was not the same as withdrawal from prolonged heavy opium pod use, and nothing like withdrawal from suboxone….but it was still more serious than I realized it would be and one night at 3:00am while laying there wide awake, fighting off the thoughts of going to the shop to buy kratom when the sun rose…I suddenly thought of ibogaine again.
A couple of weeks ago I wrote this.

“I am now past the acute sickness, but I sleep very little. Sometimes I am up for days. I do not mentally crave opiates, but my cells still scream for them like a person drowning needs that oxygen. As more time goes by, I see the benefits of being sober but that demon in me makes this unrealistic. I also realize that the amphetamines and opiates kind of all fit together in my particular type of poly drug addiction. Maybe even the pot does too. Ok, I don’t think speed and pot are ‘addictive’ but they all do fit into a set of behaviors that always lead me back to opiate use, needle use, and finally giving up and wanting to die.

I’ve been aware of iboga since I was 13 and read of it in “Chocolate To Morphine.” And I have been thinking for months now of flooding my brain with ibogaine because nothing else in the past 10 years has ever moved me to help myself, nor have I ever been able to deal with the long term WD stuff. I don’t think I really think ibogaine can 'cure' me but I am hoping for a “level playing field” so my cells don’t drive me so crazy I end up doing things I regret (relapse). I think ibogaine can at least make the idea of staying away from habitual opiate use realistic to me, where as I have never been able to achieve that before. I hope ibogaine will give me a better chance to achieving a circumstance where the decisions I make will finally lead to the elusive “self- contained state of happiness.”

A wonderful soul from long ago who knew of my pitiful financial situation offered to pay for the ibogaine, and with his blessing I ordered it. A long 2 ½ week wait, the package finally arrived. I asked my friend (B) to spend the night and be there just in case, and finalized the plans to eat the ibogaine later that night.

Trip Report:

I took the first dose at about 1:50am on Friday. This was a 'test dose’ of about 150mg “Total Alkaloid” (TA) preparation containing about 60mg-75mg ibogaine hcl. I was surprised to note a definite alert within about 20 minutes and about an hour later, I was a good +1 ½ and all anxiety was gone; replaced with a warm positive feeling. The ibogaine felt friendly and at peaceful so I took the rest of my dose at 3:40am….1 gram of pure ibogaine hcl and ¾ gram of TA.

As soon as I swallowed it, I finished preparing around my bed for a long night…..found a long selection of Bwiti music looped to play indefinitely, then turned off the lights. No sooner did I do that, the experience began.

In the beginning, (visually at least) there was a strong resemblance to LSD. But with eyes closed, it was far more like a dream-state than any kind of LSD trip. In fact, it was similar to the brain movies that were a part of my one and only MMDA experience and was really impressed that Claudio Naranjo was able to pick up on this when he gave ibogaine, MMDA, and other materials in psychotherapy.

Suddenly, I was no longer in the room on the floor. With eyes closed, I could see shades of green that gradually became a discernible forest. I was traveling down towards the canopy of the trees, now past them and I approach the hills and valleys below. There were hundreds of people, maybe more, down there singling and drumming, and praying, and creating this energy that echoed and reverberated from everywhere around me. I was part of this huge ibogaine divination, there to experience it as one of the tribe. There was little time emotionally to reflect on this remarkable transformation of time and space.

Soon with eyes closed, I began to see masks and faces of people that I assume were Bwiti initiates. The images became more rapid and more detailed. Soon, the images changed from masks and faces to scenes more familiar to me. I was now a part of this inner show, instead of an observer. Sadly, the content of these visions is still completely fresh but I am at a loss to try to describe this phase of the trip. Gradually things began to intensify and the energy and buzzing began to light up all existence. Is this redemption? Is this forgiveness? At the height of the experience, my every sense became enveloped with the spirit of iboga. I could taste it in my tongue, I could smell it in my nose, and I could see it with me eyes, it was showing me its soul and make up through my closed eyelids. The iboga presented itself as yellow lines on a green background that gradually became more colored and detailed. Soon the images became words, information, stories that I could clearly read and absorb at the time. I had an experience on MMDA that was somewhat similar, but this was far more detailed and real.

This took place over a few hours until the sun came up. Suddenly I was back in my body and back in the room tripping my butt off. Only a few hours had gone by, but now I was clearly past the ‘visionary’ stage and moving into the ‘insight and reflection’ stage of the trip. Now that I was back in my body and back in the room, I could see the ibogaine visuals in full force and they were astounding. The visual effects were mostly LSD-like, but they had a unique in their own way. The tracers were insane, trails of trails of trails. There were also a lot of ‘DMT entities” or ‘gnomes’ that would stand around and suddenly dart out across the room. Such visual experiences may have been uncomfortable for some, but as a veteran of countless DMT trips, I found myself laughing at this, even trying to encourage the gnomes to jump on me.

Another interesting visual experience: I had a microphone stand around me that is quite tall and hits the ceiling when I move it. I saw what I assumed where black scuff marks all over the ceiling caused from this stand scratching up on the paint. During the height of the ibogaine experience, these black lines would move and sway with the music, and eventually the began to form words, messages, patterns. Later on Sunday, I looked up and realized there were no black lines on the ceiling.

I remained in this state for the remainder of the day. At the time, not much seemed to be happening…it was mostly a typical psychedelic comedown. I felt relaxed, giddy, enveloped by a feeling beyond myself, and flooded by mind blowing visual distortions. This seemed like mere amusement but about 24hr after the first dose, I noticed a feeling that I have not felt since I was stable on my suboxone in 2006...I was not worried nor was I even thinking about the coming withdrawal. Even during the years I was on the suboxone, there was always the background noise of appointments, co pays, refills, etc, etc etc. There is also an amazingly relaxed body feeling; the tension, background stimulation, disharmony, tiredness, fatigue is nonexistent at the moment.

Even the past few months of being mostly opiate free (save for a prescription of Percocet and codeine after some dental procedures), I still dealt with constant residual ‘post acute withdrawal symptoms.’ These were mostly tolerable during the day, but when I was alone at night I would constantly think about how I felt, and how much I knew I would feel better if I got opiates for the next day.

Ibogaine’s Nature:

Having taken the other dose of TA, and understanding how ibogaine feels in the body compared to the total alkaloid product; I now have more insight into the chronology and nature of the ibogaine experience. The ibogaine at any dose seems to be felt within 20-30 minutes, quickly reaches a peak at about the 1 1/2hr point. This is what many call the ‘visionary’ stage and stays there for a few hours. On the surface I was reminded most of LSD. At the high dose I took (about 1 1/2grams of ibogaine), the experience was at least as strong as 200ug LSD.

The first effects were felt within 20-30 minutes and were fully developed by the 1 ½ hr point.  It felt “indole psychedelic-like” to me, it had a clear relationship to the world of LSD, especially with the rocket-like launch to a peak and also with open eyes, the visual movement and distortions were more like LSD than anything else.  But when I closed my eyes, the experience bore no relation to LSD.  Then I would go into a dream-like state where my subconscious mind became the entire experience.  My sense of self was in a forest in Gabon, but I was free to drift off with this teacher, Iboga, and mind-meld with it.

The peak or ‘visonary’ state lasted a good two or three hours and then the effect became more one with my body and surroundings as it entered the ‘insight’ stage.  I could still drift on and off to the deep subsciousness, or I could keep my eyes open, play with the visual effects (which were very strong), or think about the specific events of the trip.  This lasted about 20 hr at which point I realized I was not in withdrawal anymore and I felt like I did before becoming addicted.

The effect then entered the ‘reflection’ state where I could absorb what happened and this continued (with visuals that did die down gradually) for another 24hr or so.  The entire trip did last the advertised “3 days” but at no point was it exhausting, overwhelming, or unpleasant.  I loved the way iboga/ibogaine felt and it is something I would not hesitate to revisit.  I did vomit about 4 hr into the trip, but it was not forced or unpleasant…I don’t even think I was nauseous for more than a second or two.

At no time was there any feeling of ‘physical roughness’ and nothing even approaching ‘residual stimulation.’ I would even add that at the dose I took, ibogaine was less stimulating than even 40mg of amphetamine.  Ibogaine had a strong 'push' that kept the insights, visuals, and general experience going for 3 days, but I would not have wanted it any other way.

To be continued:

20
General Discussion / Re: Ibogaine hcl and TA regimine
« on: February 17, 2013, 03:39:12 PM »
I won't have any bark to work with.  I will have one gram of the hcl and one gram of TA reputed to be potent, I am told 25%-35% ibogaine content.

I was thinking a test dose of 200mg 50/50 mixture of ibogaine hcl and TA.  Then maybe 600mg of the 50/50mix every 45 min till maximum is reached.  If the TA is as potent as some say, that test dose should well be active allowing me to gauge.  No?

21
General Discussion / Re: Ibogaine hcl and TA regimine
« on: February 12, 2013, 11:49:00 PM »
I really appreciate the replies.  I have been a life long student of plant teachers and entheogens and have tripped well beyond 'a lifetime worth of journeys.'  As much as I would love a 'guide' I don't know anyone who has taken iboga or ibogaine and nobody I know has anywhere the experience with entheogens that I have.  I will have two 'babysitters' who are close friends from childhood.  From all research, I will probably ask them to leave as soon as I am sure I will not die from the ibogaine.

This is not to say I am 'ready' for the ibogaine trip.  I definitely am not of the mind that I can 'handle' it because it is a big fat unknown.  Probably better that iboga chews me up and spit me out.  I kind of need a trip like that.

Trips on other entheogens are unlikely make me any more 'ready' for iboga than had I been a psychedelic virgin.  I agree that it is a good thing I was able to go through the withdrawal on my own.  In the past ten years I have quit opiates and endured withdrawal a good 4 or 5 times.  I have no problem quitting, I am an old hand, and don't need iboga to make that any easier.  It is staying off them long term that I am hoping for a hand with.

Moreover, the past month of being opiate free has allowed me to see how my other psychoactive substance addictions play such a heavy role in my life.  I have been on prescription amphetamine since I was a kid, I have a prescription for ativan that I will lose sleep over if I am out, and I smoke a lot of pot.

Until recently, I never considered these 'drugs' or a part of my poly drug addiction.  Now I see completely how the opiates took the edge off the speed, and the benzo for sleep, and pot throughout the day as needed, and how this all cycles together into drug seeking behaviors.

What I am seeking from iboga is a level playing field so that I can have the best chance of living a life where I am true to myself, master of my own domain (moderation), and so I can avoid the roads that lead back to daily opiate usage.  That is something I have always lacked.  I am open to being 'drug free' but I am not seeking this.  What I am seeking is to reset my brain so my unique neurotransmitter model can resemble that of someone who has not used speed, downers, opiates, and pot on a daily basis for the better part of 10 years.  Then "I" can make my decisions instead of the 'demon' that is my drug addiction dictating to me what to do under threat of no sleep, no sanity, no ability to move beyond getting out of bed and into the shower.  This is really the only thing I am hoping iboga will do for me.  Anything else, I leave open to the gods.

I am stuck between the 'stair step' model and flooding all at once.  But the above words regarding the ibogaine hcl being my (to paraphrase) target compound was helpful.  I think something like 300mg TA, at 1hr 500mg ibogaine hcl, 500mg more at 1.5hr, and the rest of the TA at 3hr.  This will 'spread out' the shock to the body, while (I believe) still flooding my brain for maximum visionary and healing experience.

I have no recovery time to worry about, no work obligations for the next month, all of this time is for this therapy.

22
General Discussion / Ibogaine hcl and TA regimine
« on: February 12, 2013, 05:39:26 PM »
After being made aware of ibogaine's anti-addicive properties over 10 years ago, I don't know why I waited until a couple days ago to order.  I suppose the answer was, "I wasn't ready."  It has been a month since I stopped daily opiate use and I am well past the acute withdrawal and into the more fun, post acute withdrawal symptoms.

I introduced myself and my story here: http://eboka.info/index.php?topic=1840.0

See, I have been here before.  I once went 5 months in this hellish state of not being able to sleep, and not having energy or drive to work harder.  That road led back to opiates.  All roads in my life have always led back to opiates so working with iboga is going to be different.  Learning under this guide is the one thing I hope will be different than all the times I tried to stop before.

After careful deliberation, and the generous donation of a friend, I purchased 1g hcl and 1g TA from the well known place often not mentioned here.

Would love some suggestions in a regimen.  I was thinking:

150mg TA for 'allergy test' and to introduce ibogaine to the system.

1hr later:   700mg TA
1:15hr:      900mg ibogaine hcl

Booster 100mg hcl + 150 TA as needed

Some people recommend I take it all at once, and other recommend I spread the wealth.  On this forum, I read everything every which way inbetween.  But most posts deal with either the hcl, or the TA or bark, but not both.  I was hoping some folks in the know would share some words here.

TY

23
This is part one of the story leading up the the subject's decision to purchase iboga for flooding and breaking open the head.



Starring the Drugs In Part One:


Cannabis mostly daily from age 17-present but with some breaks lasting months and even a year once.

Opiates on a regular basis since age 14, on a daily basis since age 26. Currently clean and struggling with it.

Prescription Amphetamine (from a doctor) on a mostly daily regimen since age 17



Featuring a special appearance from:


Cocaine and Heroin.

And the new sexy starlet 2-FMA.


Also appearing are the benzodiazipines (as prescribed by the doctor)

And the speed analogue 4-FA, for a single line in the feature.







Well then.....And now, our feature presentation:



Note: This is written about an old hand bluelighter that is still prevalent in this forum, but we can't tell you who he is.



The story involves a guy who has been into plant teachers and entheogens since age 15, starting with pot and then morning glory seeds. He was a young hippy in the 90s, and walked the walk. But he also had a night life, and has been an opiate user since even before he grew his hair and tripped to Sgt. Pepper. See, he drank a half bottle of Phenergan/codeine when he was 14 or so; that got him higher on opiates than for all time ever after, and it clearly left a long lasting impression. He continued to use pills or syrup when he found it in his parent’s medicine cabinet from age 14, probably getting enough to take opiates a couple times a month. When he was 17 and started dating, he would be offered percocets from other parents' medicine cabinets, and so had even more. So now you have a young opiate chipper, who also loved to smoke pot, and along the way had growing experiences with morning glory seeds, mushrooms, and LSD that taught him about his life and his place in the universe.

Bears mentioning that he was also was prescribed amphetamine since age 16 or so for “ADD”, and has had a script for it ever since to this day. He has mostly used his speed as directed, and does seem to function better with it. To be sure, he has gone periods without the speed (months at a time here and there, and a solid year after college graduation) but came back to it as he found he was more focused. He has only used black market meth a couple of times, when gifted with a sample from fellow drug nerds, so never got into methamphetamine as a hobby.

In addition to the sweet medicine cabinet nights that filled his desires for opiates, he would order pills off the web and then started to chip at least every other weekend pretty much steady from the time he was 18. He went to college to get his BA, graduated, kept the same girlfriend from age 17 (they lived together most of the time after he was 19), so he reasoned his weekend flings with warm fuzzys was not a big deal. And then the whole time during and after college, he always had a job, the apartment he shared with his girl. And she was a fellow head who smoked pot with him and tripped and explored the universe (they were both pretty big psychonauts). The thing is, his girlfriend never used opiates, nor did she approve of his opiate use. But since he wasn’t an addict yet, wasn’t banging heroin, and wasn’t involved with crime (besides growing some harmless pot), the opiates mostly annoyed her...as opposed to becoming a deal breaker. And this guy liked that that she did not use opiates and didn’t approve. He reasoned that may have kept him under control.

Of course, he eventually got in too deep with opiates when he was 26 and discovered poppy tea. Around this time he and the longtime girlfriend split. This breakup, and other life events, made him think he wanted to die; so he ‘choose’ to embrace the warmth opiates offered in the absence of love. The decided to live as an opiate addict as an alternative to suicide. He crossed the line from chipping without any physical addiction to daily use with withdrawals overnight. He reasoned it was better to be a junkie than a suicide statistic. That decision took him on a 10 year long, enslaving journey of “living for the warmth.” He started with thrice daily pod tea (I estimate about 500mg morphine a day) for 3 years or so, then when that got too expensive and unreliable, he endured withdrawals from the opium that lasted far longer than he could stand, so he took on 4 or 5 years of doctor prescribed suboxone regimen. Moving from pods to suboxone caused him trouble sleeping, so naturally he was put on prescription benzodiazepines. He has never abused his benzodiazepines, does not get any euphoric effect from them, but they do take the edge off the day. This guy does not like alcohol and has never been a drinker.

Anyway, we are getting ahead of ourselves. After becoming a true opiate addict addicted to opium poppy tea at age 26 or so, he met a new girlfriend and she eventually moved in. She smoked pot with him and they explored the psychedelics together, but she was not an opiate user. Our guy only likes opiophobic girls. His new love interest was very young and naive (so was he to be fair) and he would tekk her that he would eventually quit. He probably even believed that himself, and she stayed around for 7 years or so. This went a long way to making him reason that he was “ok” as an addict, and accepted this addiction as a condition of life. He viewed his addiction to opiates as akin to taking an antidepressant, even reasoned it was his ‘life elixir.’ His steady career, social life, love of recording music, and new girlfriend gave him much reason to think he could live that way forever. So we have established this guy has basically lived on a diet of amphetamine and pain killers (and later the benzos at night) for most of his adult life.

Our guy had a matter-of-fact view towards his poly drug addiction, saying “That’s the way God made me.” From the outside perspective, he was a pretty successful guy...He had two sequential long term relationships, always lived and paid rent without public assistance, and always had a job to buy food, take vacations, and of course, buy the drugs he needed. He never was involved in crime to support his poly drug addiction, and rarely even used the black market...he grew his own pot, bought his psychedelics online, or was gifted them from chemists and drug nerds, and had a doctor to take care of the rest.

Perhaps now is the time to mention that the guy also started uses needles (innocently enough) to take intramuscular injections his ketamine, DMT, DPT, etc when playing shaman. The needle use was a rare thing, and he wasn’t working with syringes to be ‘more of a druggie’…rather he truly found that certain tryptamines and ketamine worked best when taken this way for him. He always used clean needles and micro-pore filters for sterility, and never even dreamed of moving from muscle shots to something else. He was not your typical needle user I guess. Perhaps now it is also worth mentioning that he has tried cocaine hcl up the nose a couple times, muscle injection of cocaine a couple more times, and crack a time or two; but he never was a big cocaine fan until a 3 month fling with it, but more on that later.

About two years ago, the guy found himself single again and unhappy about it. Soon after the breakup, he was laid off from his job. He lost his insurance to pay for the suboxone, but qualified for unemployment, so he decided to move from suboxone to Kratom. Now that he was single, he actually had more money to spend on drugs, and being unemployed he had more time. Now he could sit around in his house all day, wallow in how shitty thought his life was. Since he was getting enough cash from unemployment to still buy all the drugs he needed and more, he decided to buy some cocaine on a spur of the moment (why not) and then out of nowhere got the bright idea to IV it. He clearly did not realize what was about to happen. He crossed a huge line in behavior that affected his relationship with psychoactives in a profound way. But our guy wasn't worried about that because he proceeded to have the most powerful rush he ever had, like an orgasm multiplied by an order of magnitude. He has no idea it would be like that, it came as a total shock as he collapses into a non sexual orgasm. He later said that smoking crack had nothing on IV coke, not even close. And snorting cocaine might as well be a different drug. His apathy, work-free income to spend on drugs, and new found willingness to IV drugs, became what some call the “Perfect Storm.”

The guy he got cocaine from (and whom he had known a while) said he needed a roommate, and the rent was cheaper. So our guy moved from his place alone, into a house his friend. But the new roommate neglected to mention that he had been using a lot of cocaine as of late, which our guy never realized about him. The new roommate also neglected to mention that his cocaine supplier was taking the empty bedroom upstairs. Now with less rent to pay and living with a crack head roomate, and another roommate that sold cocaine as a primary means of income, our guy new this living arrangemnt would going to be interesting. Soon both of his new roomates would share their cocaine with him in exchange for company. And when the free cocaine needed to be supplemented, the problem was solved by going back upstairs to be sold a gram at an inhouse discount. The perfect storm moved over a war zone.

This guy spent the next three months going through about three kilos of Kratom, and was spending time upstairs every day ‘hanging out’ with the dealer to get the free crack. Of course smoking crack was waste time and beneath our guy, since he was no sucker, so he would always excuse himself to convert the gifted rocks into cocaine acetate, and make it suitable for IV injection. This worked out to about a shot or two or three a day (free of charge), and he bought about a gram a week extra, to supplement what was free.

At first he could make the gram last a full week, but in no short time his arms were bruised and he did eventually graduate to the ‘gram in a night’ status. He started using his prescription speed in a manor not approved by the doctor, to fill in the times between the unspeakably intense IV cocaine injections he grew to worship. To him, IV cocaine was as intense a rush as DMT and 5-MeO-DMT, but hedonistically good instead of spiritually good. Like MDMA and DMT and 5-MeO-DMT rolled up into one, and then taken over by hedonism instead of shamanism. This guy became obsessed with what is called the “Bell Ringer.” The state was on a level so deep to him, it did not matter that cocaine wasn’t psychedelic, it still felt like God giving him an orgasm. So our guy was at near daily or daily IV cocaine, obscene dosages of Kratom as needed, and prescription speed and the speed analogue, 4-FA to cover the rest. And of course, pot and the benzo to sleep.

At the end of the three months and the new daily drug regimen, low and behold heroin literally walked into his room and there it was. See, in all the years this guy was an avid opiate chipper, then opiate addict, he never knew anyone who did heroin. He never asked anyone about heroin because he enjoyed his poppy tea, or suboxone, and did not need to use heroin. The guy’s cocaine using roommate upstairs invited one of his friends over that he had not seen in a while. Come and get your fix on at our crack house he must have said. So this heroin user comes to hang out at the crack house.

Our guy was on his bed watching Star Trek again (he loves that Captain Picard) and suddenly this dude stands there saying….

“Hey, I was told you might have an extra rig, I need to fix?” said the heroin user.

“Oh?” he said. “What are you looking to inject if I may ask?” said the subject of this story.

“Heroin.” said the heroin user with a look on his face that said “Duh!”

“I got a box of 100, so I’ll give you a whole bunch if you share a dose with me.”

“OK”

The heroin user had some tar, and gave what seemed like a lot, more than our guy needed for what he was willing to start with. Grateful, he offered to share some pot with the heroin user to cover the rest of cost. After the heroin guy fixed and smoked some pot, he had places to go so they said their farewells. Now it was just a matter of preparing for his initiation into IV heroin. So this was how it would come to be, he said to himself. Grabbed his trusty milligram scale and was very pleased when he saw around 100mg. Generous guy.

He knew 3mg heroin =10mg morphine and figuring tar was probably 20% to 50% pure, maybe more, but not likely….he weighed out 50mg feeling quite safe with that, and prepared a syringe for IV injection. He also decided to add 75mg cocaine hcl to the mixture because if you are going to IV heroin it’s silly to not just go ahead and not add the cocaine. This guy wasn’t stupid so he took the shot and he soon nodded deeply. But to him, nodding out seemed to deprive him of his IV cocaine orgasm. When he came out of the nod, he was kinda pissed off about the waste of good coke, but soon realized he could NOT argue with the feeling he now was experiencing…the cleanest opium-like high he ever felt. Heroin was ‘more to the point’ than poppy tea or morphine pills, or oxycodone, or anything else he had tried. It actually reminded him of his very first opiate high when he was 14 with the syrup, the one that he was trying to chasing ever since. When it came to the nodding, he really didn’t remember much and really didn’t think the rush was anything as good as the cocaine rush he loved, but once the nod was done heroin was a lovely opiate.

So that night, intensely opiated in a good way, so warm and fuzzy, and ready to relax (even with the cocaine having been mixed in), our guy had a snack and a shower, finished the other half of the heroin (this time without wasting cocaine) and passed out. He doubts anything was remembered of the second shot, he just passed out and drifted off into sleep. The next day, he really wasn’t sure about what he thought to his reaction to IV heroin. He always figured IV heroin had to be the best thing ever, given his love of opium, but poppies made him awake for the high, free to bask in the warm and fuzziness of it all. On opium, he could work, cavort with friends, make music, etc; but the heroin was not a functional opiate, at least until the nod wore off. But it was definitely better than the Kratom.

The next day the heroin addict was back with his girlfriend and they wanted to know if the new heroin initiate was doing anything so the three of them drove into the mountains. The nice heroin user and his girl shared some heroin and cocaine with him, and got to talking. The heroin addict was homeless, so to make money they both were ‘escorts.’ What’s more, they really needed someone to drive them around so they could make their ‘jobs’ in a timely fashion and told him they would pay in gas and smack if he agreed. Sure! And he would get an education on the street life heroin scene was like in that city.

He spent all day with them as they scored lots of heroin and cocaine, and they gave him 333mg very good coke, 200mg heroin, and 3 gallons of fuel for driving them down to Denver, and around where they needed. They drove to King Sooper to get some food and syringes, and they asked him if they could go to the park to shoot up. Our guy was not shooting and driving, and wasn’t wanting them to do it in the car, so they dove to the park and the two got fixed. Happy the were, the three walked around downtown looking at the bums and the Capital, and eventually they drove back to the crack house. The girl spent hours fixing herself up for another ‘escort’ service call. Our guy told them to let him know if they needed another ride later, then excused himself to his bedroom and did a little heroin and went to sleep.

Surprise the next day when his roommate woke him up to inform him that there was an eviction notice on the door. His roommate had actually spent the rent money on cocaine, and had been given 30 days notice, but the roommate always said it was being taken care of, and forgot about the fact that nobody who lived there was on the lease and none of them were legal residents. There were only 2 days left.

Our guy tried to look for a new place with a 4th roommates not mentioned until now (the one sober man in the crack house). However, our guy stayed up too late on cocaine and heroin and could not make the appointments he had. Not having enough money to get a place on his own, and realizing the gravity of this, that he was losing his shelter in his beloved Boulder Colorado area…he decided instead to buy 4 grams of heroin and kill himself. He had idealizing suicide for some time, and now it became clear how it could all happen. What a strange turn of events, he was later heard to say.

He arranged to meet his escort friends in the city and got the heroin, telling the escorts he would be leaving to be with his parents and he would miss them. They exchanged numbers and emails and he went on his way home to prepare to die. He was going to prepare the shot at home using a huge 5ml syringe he had and drive into the mountains to take it. He called his dad to say goodbye and he was going on a trip, and then called a friend to say how grateful he was to have him as a friend. That friend had a friend of his give him a similar call earlier in the year, and he knew what the fuck was up and called the guys father. His father called him back and begged him to come home. He agreed, packed his things, gassed up, and went to King Sooper to buy some syringes, fixed in the car with some heroin and fell asleep.

It was a 12 hr drive From Boulder Colorado to where he was going, and once he awoke from nodding out in his car in the King Sooper parking lot, he took some Adderall and drove a couple hours, stopped off for gas at a truck stop, pulled to the rest area and took another shot of heroin and fell asleep. Once he was sober, he took some more Adderall and drove for a few more hours, and he rinse and repeated the whole way. All in all the 12hr drive took almost two days, and now here he was. He lost his home in Colorado and was an unemployed opiate addict back with his parents so he could ‘clean up.’

He had no idea how he would do this, or if he even wanted to. He just knew he didn't want to sleep in his car. Now he had tried to stop opiates with all seriousness 3 or 4 times before…once as long as 5 months in 2004, but the Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms were no joke and he could never sleep or relax, and always felt like he was old and dying, no strength the entire time. He always came back to opiates

Realizing that losing his home and having to return defeated to his parents was a heavy blow to absorb, he figured he would finish off the four grams of heroin in small daily dosages to keep withdrawals at bay, then switch back to Kratom and wean off. He went through all the heroin in about a month, and after some discomfort became reestablished on kratom. Then, he weaned down from about a kilo a month to eating 4-5grams 3 times a day and stayed at that level for about 5 months. During much of this time, he started eating reckless amounts of the amphetamine analogue 2-FMA. His dosages became 100-250mg at a time, which would burst capillaries in his eyes and make him think he was going to die, but it intensely euphoric in a way that reminded him of something like cocaine, so after praying not to die and letting his mind settle, he would always eat more and the process would repeat itself. This went on for months and his friends thought he was finally going to lose his mind. None of the other drugs could do it, but this speed research chemical would be the end of him.

However as it goes, eventually unemployment benefits ended so no more 2-FMA, and he knew it was time to deal with getting off the Kratom. He weaned down as much as he could and then stopped. The withdrawals were horrible to say the least, and lasted a couple of months leaving him in a broken state physically and emotionally. He stopped taking speed during the acute phase of the withdrawal because he was stimulated enough. He now is past the sickness, bus sleeps very little, sometimes is up for days. He does not mentally crave opiates, but his cells still scream for them like a person downing needs that oxygen. He realized one difference, he is now horrified at how he has lived the past 10 years, and ashamed for all the people he hurt and disappointed. As more time goes by, he sees the benefits of being sober but still has the demon in him. He did start back up on his speed prescription because it gave him the energy he needed to shower, feed his pets, and maintain social demands, related to friends and his recording hobby. But he also realized that the speed and opiates kind of all fit together in his type of poly drug addiction. He maybe even thinks the pot does too, but had never considered speed or pot 'addictive.' Maybe they aren't (he says) but they all do fit into a set of behaviors that led him to daily opiate use, needle use, and finally giving up and wanting to die.

After years of thinking about it and months now of researching it intently, he has decided to flood his brain with iboga because nothing else has worked, and he is finally ready to quit. He is confident that because he endured the actute withdrawal from opiates (heroin to kratom to nothing) on his own, and is now in that post acute withdrawal phase, the root will work much better for him and he can focus on the big picture instead of just opiate withdrawal. He knows iboga will never 'cure him' of being a poly drug abuser but he is hoping for a 'level playing field' again, where his brain will be repaired from opiate receptor flooding and the PAWS which prevent him from sleeping, relaxing, much less taking a job, will go away. Then he believes will finally be on the right road, and will have a true chance to make the decisions in life that will lead him to elusive self contained happiness.

To be continued.

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