Author Topic: my iboga try  (Read 11737 times)

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Offline e man

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #15 on: April 23, 2011, 08:41:31 AM »
yea, but it restarted 2 weeks after i took it.
It puts iboga taste in my mouth when i have bad thoughts in the mornings, and like force me to deal with them or something, i yet to figure it out. feels like throwing up from it, like it sqweese it out from my body or something.
and then i feel good in the evenings till the next day..

It feels like some sort of a trip as i dont know when it is going to end, it is like i dont have control over it..

Offline crazylife

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #16 on: April 23, 2011, 09:30:07 AM »
Sounds awesome E-Man, cant wait to take my first trip.

Offline e man

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #17 on: April 24, 2011, 10:00:50 AM »
A friend told me a story about how Indians (from India) threat people with problems, they tie them up. they don't believe in all the bollshit, and when the person snap out of it they release him (well thats more extream problems i guess, but it isn't far from any other dificulties in life) now the person tied up activats his survival instint, he ither give up or gets better because he knows it is his only way to get free.

It is like what Iboga does to me i guess, ties me up, and then i have to do something if i want to get free of the ties of fears that control our lifes. Every day a new fear, every day i won't snap out of the depression untill i figure it out. some days i figure things out faster then other.

I should log my daily conclutions.

Offline harveyplex

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #18 on: April 24, 2011, 02:53:56 PM »
Very nice Eman .
you seemed to get alot out of it .
neat how it unfolds .
It tells you things in time .
sometimes it will suprise you as it comes up.
much love and light .
- harvey p

Offline crazylife

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #19 on: September 12, 2011, 03:01:42 AM »
Hey E-Man,

What is your opinion on your experience now? Did you think it was worthwhile and would you do it again?
(If you dont mind me asking).

Offline mo

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #20 on: September 12, 2011, 05:39:01 AM »
hi e-man, that is a beautiful description of how it works on you, fantastic, i hope you are doing well..
in a universe like ours, to beings like us, the idea of a god dying can be quite liberating

Offline e man

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #21 on: September 12, 2011, 02:31:43 PM »
Well i think i should post an update 4 months later, but it was too much to remember actually..

CL - no, i don't think i'll do it again, but never say never.

Fisrt off i need to add that a week after my fload i went on a trip to Amsterdam i smoked WAY too much weed then im used to so it had its effeces aswell, had two weeks of total unbalanced mods it was crazy.

And then a week after that i went to Primal workshop for a week, not sure how many of you familiar with that. but it effects the brain no doubt about it, after that week my brain felt like mush, it is like i had to do things i couldn't stop.

Can't say that along those 3-4 months i didn't said to mysel that i did a hugh mistake taking Iboga, i thought about it ALOT, but you can't turn back the clock.

Anyways, the primal is like taking you back to your childhood and maybe all the things i used basicly made me feel like i'm living my entire history in once, i mean, i felt all the fears and jelousy and feeling of insperiority i'v surpressed all of my life at once, i welt to a childhood place and i could feel the fears i had when i was there as a child. And i thought i had a happy childhood! wonder what people with a bad childhood feel..

I really felt like im going crazy, i matched every mental ilness there is in the book, all the personal disorderd there is, i thought i have. It is funny as when i took this natural antienxiaty pills (that basicly only works for a little while) i could so clearly feel the dfference between a person that has those personal disorder and a "normal" person. My thoghts about the world have changed on and off along the day, and i was amazed how i was thinking the way i thought just an hour ago.

I can fully understand what enxiaty does for a person, and it is really sad for me that some people live like this every day, when it is only something swiched in the brain, and that it could be fixed somehow..

I had crazy nights. Three nights in praticular, in every one of them i felt a different bad emotion full force. The insepiriority was the worst, and i can understant why alot of people put on a front, just to try to avoid that feeling, it was like two electric polls in a V shape going from my belly to my chest, it is hard to explain really, but it was really painfull.

The 2nd was envy, it felt like a real burn in my upper chest, and man, i cant remember the third, but it was in the belly.. too bad i didn't kept a log. :(

My guess was that i always surpressed those feelings, thinking that feeling those emotions is bad or something, and they just erupted all in once, now I'm not ashamed in anything i think..

Now i still can't do everything, but atleast i'm ok with it, i don't feel like a slave. those undealt emotions kept me back. I feel that i don't have to do everything, i slowly i see that i can do the things i want to do.

Still some work is left to do, but now it is up to me, and me alone. and only time will tell.

And as for Iboga, i think it had alot to do with it all, but to say i'll do it again? doublt it, i'm not even sure i would have tried it knowing what crazy trip it would be.



Offline mo

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #22 on: September 12, 2011, 03:52:41 PM »
wow, you are going through a lot, it seems, a lot has been opened an revealed to you.
they say that you never get more than you can carry.
it amazes me that you should have this experience at such a level over such a period of time, to me this is incredible.
there is only one way - forward. you don't have to take iboga again, but i would not be surprised if it speeded up what
you are processing.. though - no one truth for all - trust your gut, it will tell you what is right..
take care,
mo
in a universe like ours, to beings like us, the idea of a god dying can be quite liberating

Offline crazylife

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #23 on: September 13, 2011, 02:59:46 AM »
Sounds good E-Man.
I always like feeling emotion/pain, as ive been in a dissociated state my whole life - i see this as processing and progress.
Like those body sensations you described, id say that was an excellent sign.
Never heard of primal workshop, but im gonna google it and check it out.


Offline Marton

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #24 on: August 23, 2012, 12:55:57 AM »
I am really sorry for having my first post bumping this old one up, but I'd like to know how is e man doing today, after all he learnt on his trip. I really need to know, as he seems to have changed a lot, and his last login to the forum shows up as Dec. 3, 2011.
Are you here, e man?  :)

Offline e man

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #25 on: August 24, 2012, 05:25:09 PM »
Hey, your private message woke me up.
Its been over a year now, and i do feel totally different from what i was, much more free emotionally, but i did try so many other things aswell, but Iboga, i guess, was the one that made me go at it full force and didnt let me just sit back and do nothing.
i know myself much more today, with much more control over my reactions on things and with much less shame and fear about most things in life.
Take care and good luck with your experiances in life :)

Offline Marton

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #26 on: August 25, 2012, 12:09:18 AM »
Glad to see you back, e man!
And it is nice to see you're really doing fine after such a trip you described.
Keep in touch, cheers!

Offline TANYA

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #27 on: August 26, 2012, 04:57:30 AM »
Hi E-man, how much approxiamately did you take of rootbark?

i hope you dont mind me asking, but what did you take it for?

would you say that it took one full year to feel better?

this doesnt have direct correlation to this- but money is important. not everything but important. i have been broke most of my married life and IT SUCKS. big time. it does not help with any sort od peace of mind or mental stability to be broke. im not saying that having money can give a person health. but it does help with peace- and peace is priceless. just my opinion.

hope you are feeling better and better with each passing day :)

Offline e man

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #28 on: August 26, 2012, 08:28:36 PM »
I took very little, about 8g RB, i took it couse i felt i need to be released from something, felt like a slave, dono how to explain it really, but i guess i was just a slave of my fears and shame, everyone has it but it is different from person to person.
As i said, the Iboga didn't freed me by itself, it just made me unable to do anything and cant carry on untill i release the fears it showned me i have, or atleast that's my take of it.
Can't tell anyone to use it, because it put me on a hell of a time for about four months or so, good thing i'll never hurt myself couse i did asked to die because it was too hard. but i can say my life changed alot since i took it.

Offline TANYA

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Re: my iboga try
« Reply #29 on: August 27, 2012, 06:19:37 AM »
Hi e-man, would you say you were in a severe depression after the iboga for 4 months? and if thats the case, when did you start feeling better? was it something that you were finally able to let go of, and then you felt better? how did you deal with the depression? bec. i dont think you could have taken antidepressants bec. of the noroibogaine. do take care :D