Author Topic: What I call my disease...or dis-ease  (Read 3757 times)

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Offline lightswitchedon

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What I call my disease...or dis-ease
« on: August 11, 2012, 04:40:37 PM »
I go to NA because it helps me to become acutely aware that my thinking is very similar to a lot of others in those rooms.  I don't necessarily like everyone, however I do want freedom from active addiction for each and every person.  For me, I am learning more about this thing they refer to as a disease.  I personally believe it is a spiritual entity that attached itself to me at some point when I opened the door unbeknowenst in my eariler years of drinking and druggin' hard.

Now I am aware of two separate entities, or trains of thought if you will, in the brain.  The first says "thank you Creator for this day and a better way of life as well as the opportunity to go to Peru in December."  Immediately following that comes a different thought that sounds and feels so separate.  It says "you aren't going to Peru, you'll relapse and fuck everything up and lose your job first."

I feel my recovery depends these realizations and that I am not unique with these battles.  It goes back to the Cherokee Legend about the two wolves:

This is why I believe in the 12 steps, however I also advocate the safe and proper use of entheogens for healing purposes.  I am a renegade in those rooms because I will bring up entheogens before and after meetings.

Question: Does this damn forum have a spell check?  If so where is it and how do I use it.  I am always going to google to make sure I spell words correctly.  Yeah, I am very anal retentive.

Anyway, I always like to put recovery and staying clean in the spotlight.  Today is my first day truly truly clean.  I will post about it tomorrow.  Opiates were replaced by weed and benzos, then kratom, then benzos again.  I did something yesterday to "jumpstart" my way to cleanliness.  I feel good and I will elaborate tomorrow after making it through day and night.

Thanks for all your help y'all.  I am a Michigander living in the South, so I feel I can start saying y'all.
« Last Edit: August 12, 2012, 04:22:48 PM by lightswitchedon »