Author Topic: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"  (Read 4519 times)

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Offline other1

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"I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« on: February 01, 2013, 01:48:10 AM »
I'm a student (soon to be graduated) who loves ibogaine despite my bad experiences

This is some of my story:


I got pychosis after a conversation from a friend. I remember being alone in the city and feeling like I was in a void. I went to the hospitol and this started my relationship with the mental health system in new zealand

In order try and self medicate myself I went off my anti psychotics to take ibogaine. By not taking my meds I lost track of time, talked to myself and was generally a hazard.  When I took 1.6 gram of ibogaine it showed me my ego was like a pulsating choo choo train. It also showed me my ego was like jagged rocks, ibogaine pushed it down to soften the edges but when it lifted it hand the spikes returned.

The main goal of doing ibogaine was to help me interact with people and get me of my meds. After the ibogaine dose I was quite level headed even though I wasn't taking my medication. Although I would whisper to myself egotiscial bullshit.  Ibogaine brought my vanity to the surface.   THe phychologist asked me about the choo choo that was my ego 3 times, later I would understand why, he was reminding me of my ego.

Then I made a epic blunder.  I had arranged a sitter to sit me in a cheap hotel room.  I took a flood dose (no kidding) one part of the trip I felt like a black corpse. Anouther part aliens were going to torture me. Anouther part ibogaine said it was going to kill me.

There was no afterglow after this experience, my confidence was shattered. My brain all over the places. I went to hospitol a broken person. If you play with fire your gonna get burnt. I have been diagnosed with scitzophrenia.  I'm fairly level headed and finishing my study. When I finish my study I'll see if my doctor can lower my meds until I can function without needing them.

I want to be connected and loving to the people around me and find that awesome girl to take care of. Ibogaine only showed me times I messed up with girls I am attracted to. It opened my heart but only showed me how I failed in hindsight.

I fear flood dose and don't want to lose my mind again. Flood dose didn't help me at all in fact it made me worse. 1.6gram was very effective

I am looking at doing a retreat with a shaman. In the mean time I am trying to clean my mind doing mindfulness. Staying mentally healthy will allow me to lower my medication without repercussions. I will be doing this on advice by the medical team.

By the way the mental health system is pretty dahm good in new zealand.

« Last Edit: February 01, 2013, 01:53:04 AM by other1 »

Offline lalababa

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Re: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2013, 02:37:32 AM »
Thank you for sharing... as Cal just said in another thread, there has been much on this forum lately about Iboga and mental health issues,  I think we know much less about it than we do about using it for drug addiction and I hope there is more research into this.  It must be said that being off most medications, especially those usually given for mental issues should not be taken anywhere near the time of using Iboga, especially for a flood dose.  It is interesting to me that more and more are trying it for these issues, and maybe in the future we will know more.  Personally, I can say with all honesty that it helped me a great deal with depression, but that depression may have been linked to 20 years of drug and alcohol abuse, though I did have depression when I began using.  I think doing a retreat with a shaman is a good idea, but to reiterate, you must be off these other meds for a very long time, especially if you have taken them for a very long time.  Ayahuasca seems like it may be beneficial to you, but also very important to be off the meds for this as well. 

Welcome,  I hope we hear more from you.
lala
« Last Edit: February 01, 2013, 02:41:40 AM by lalababa »

Offline other1

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Re: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2013, 03:34:00 AM »
thanks for your reply

actually im kinda scared of ayahuasca. its related to DMT and sounds "trippy" and long. ibogaine seems grounded. The doctor phil of psychedelics? But if I'm wrong please tell me.

maybe ill try 300gram ibogaine and add 100gram each time. I know that adverse effects with drugs with my condition aren't as bad on lower doses. Maybe I could get my "sweet spot" with ibogaine?

Edit:
Your right, I should be off my medication and functioning properly.  Underlining parts of my illness reared there heads in other ways. Like the egotistical bullshit I would whisper to myself after the 1.6gram dose. Thats not normal
« Last Edit: February 01, 2013, 03:50:28 AM by other1 »

Offline lalababa

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Re: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2013, 04:20:11 AM »

Edit:
Your right, I should be off my medication and functioning properly.  Underlining parts of my illness reared there heads in other ways. Like the egotistical bullshit I would whisper to myself after the 1.6gram dose. Thats not normal

Yes, you must.  Are you on meds now?  If not, how long ago did you stop, and how long were you on them?  What type, if you don't mind me asking.  Combining certain meds with Iboga can be very dangerous.  These are the kinds of things we need to know about in order to "research"  Iboga for the use of mental illness..
Thank you,
lala

Offline other1

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Re: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2013, 04:23:30 AM »
I wont mix medication with ibogaine unless its paracetomol. I am on clozapine and abilify. When I can function normally without medication maybe I'll do ibogaine again

Offline lalababa

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Re: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2013, 04:49:29 AM »
Good and Thank You.
I think I need to start a thread about this soon, more and more people are on here talking about using Iboga for mental illnesses, ranging from mild depression to schizophrenia.  I think we need much more information and to stress the importance of being off SSRI's and the like as it is dangerous and could be deadly. 

Offline other1

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Re: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2013, 04:58:43 PM »
After flood dose my confidence was shattered, I was no longer in the moment and worried about the future, I regretted my past and the times I messed up relationships with women that ibogaine showed me, and I had a "dark energy" around me. Even my christian dad said I had a dark energy.  Somehow I went from having psychosis to having schizophrenia. But then doing ibogaine in a hotel room doesn't help.

When/if I start dosing starting at 0.300 gram I will create a journal and let you know lalababa



 

« Last Edit: February 01, 2013, 05:13:26 PM by other1 »

Offline lalababa

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Re: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2013, 05:12:44 PM »
Please do, and thank you.  I don't know much about clozapine, is that a benzo?  If you have been on benzos for some time it is important that you do take them during a flood, but abilify is a definite NO.
I think Goatboy just started a wonderful thread on this and I encourage you to read and participate in that thread.  There is a lot we don't know, and I would like to know more about Iboga and mental health in particular.  As he said, and I fully agree most western Dr.'s over prescribe these meds and they can work very well for some ( I know someone who absolutely needs her abilify) but when it comes to using Iboga they can not be used together and should probably be stopped for quite some time.  I hope we can learn more, check out Goatboys new post.
lalababa

Offline other1

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Re: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« Reply #8 on: February 01, 2013, 05:20:45 PM »
no its not benzo*checked wikipedia, I don't know too much about it though.

Offline lalababa

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Re: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« Reply #9 on: February 01, 2013, 05:27:28 PM »
I didn't think so, I know clonozapan is... so it is probably on the list of meds that should we should be making to stay off of before Iboga... I need to do more research.  I have been prescribed zoloft, prozac and effexor for anxiety, it didn't help with anxiety and only made me depressed which I hadn't been for some time.  Luckily I was on them for less than 2 months ( all three ) but damn, my dr. seemed to really want me on these SSRI's even though I told her they were not working for anxiety and only made me depressed.  Luckily she finally just gave me a low dose of xanax, which I am still slowly weaning down from, but it actually helped with my ANXIETY.... the others didn't and she (my Dr. made me frightened to quit them) glad i did before they were in my system for too long.
« Last Edit: February 01, 2013, 05:29:29 PM by lalababa »

Offline other1

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Re: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« Reply #10 on: February 01, 2013, 09:30:09 PM »
I'm thinking of kambo

I'm on ranitidine, clozapine and abilify

I'm trying to register for the kambo forum:

Could someone tell me:

What is the botanical name of Kambo/Sapo?

What is the botanical name of Iboga
« Last Edit: February 01, 2013, 10:36:26 PM by other1 »

Offline lalababa

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Re: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« Reply #11 on: February 02, 2013, 02:12:41 AM »
Kambo is Phyllomedusa bicolor

Iboga is Tabernanthe iboga

There is a lot of good info on the Kambo forum, not an easy one, but the blessings are magical.  I think if little ole me can do it, most can.... but it can be pretty rough

Offline other1

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Re: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« Reply #12 on: February 02, 2013, 02:38:34 AM »
more rough than ibogaine? what about my medication? how do I administer it?

oh yeah, what was cool about the first time I did ibogaine was afterwards it seemed like fate was bringing people to me and I'm not a social guy so this was awesome
« Last Edit: February 02, 2013, 02:46:19 AM by other1 »

Offline lalababa

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Re: "I get knocked down, but i get down again"
« Reply #13 on: February 02, 2013, 02:51:20 AM »
Completely different game.  I am sure if you read on the Kambo forum, you will get some idea.  It isn't a hallucinogen, it kind of feels like you are having anaphylactic shock.  It doesn't last for a very long time and it is very good medicine, but can be quite scary.  The last time I did it my face swelled up for hours.  Good medicine though.  Very good for purging toxins, and you may just feel pretty amazing the couple of days afterward.  KP knows MUCH more about Kambo than I do, but yes very different medicine all together.  If truly interested, put Kambo in the search box, or read on the Kambo forum. 

About your pharmaceuticals,  I would ask KP
pretty much any question about Kambo, I would ask him, you could even PM him or start a new thread about it.
There is also the Kambo forum.
« Last Edit: February 02, 2013, 02:56:48 AM by lalababa »