Topic: Is ibogaine right for me? Long-standing opiate addict

[gadude]

Hi folks. I've been dealing with opiate addiction for several years now. I've been clean off and on for several years (mainly bc I couldn't get pills, my DOC being Oxy). I've wasted so much time and money on this, but I just don't feel 'right' without opiates in my system.
They make me gregarious, fun, want to play with the kids, pay bills, etc. But the dark side is I risk legal problems if caught, and the money, the stigma, and of course I don't think opiates are 'good' for me long-term. I just want to be free and see life in a new way.
My therapist told me I needed a 'spiritual' experience. That part of me has always been dead.

I have been hearing how the iboga releases people from this and helps them deal with their inner demons. I want to do this but I'm scared to mess around with my hard drive if you know what I mean.

Also, I'm in GA and don't know any sort of sitter or even trusted friend who would help. I've reached out to people I trust to see if they would sit me but they dismiss the iboga as 'quick fix' or not something they want to be involved with.

I even showed "I'm Dangerous with Love" to my wife but she said, "that guy seems crazy."

Any help/advice appreciated.

[Iboga Panacea]

Sounds like it at the same time don't expect anything close to a silver bullet (not that you did/are).  It provides a vast set of tools or as I look at it most medicines provide tools but Iboga provides a vehicle with tools.  It won't mess with your hard drive, IMO, only fine tune.  Sometimes it's takes a while for long time opi addicts to recover and they become impatient from the lack of energy afterwords and then relapse.  I would advise patience and loved ones in that very difficult abyss in the 1-4 days of potential low energy post Iboga. 

I remember another member being from GA and he seemed quite responsible to me and overall a good person.  Just putting that out there, maybe he finds this.  I think compensation helps a lot to accomodate as well but that's just my personal opinion. 

I think Dmitri would gladly admit to being crazy.  He's certainly unique. 

[gadude]

Thanks for the reply. I'm willing to compensate the sitter, I just want someone who is trustworthy and experienced. I contacted someone named 'Sister eboga' who is in a nearby state. I just don't know what the right thing is. I really wish I could do this with Dmitri. I loved what he did in the movie. I guess he is probably too famous now. I just need this. I can't stand my life as it is. I wouldn't say I'm depressed- just that I have no purpose, no connection. I feel lost, alienated. I want so much to believe in something, to have some experience that would resurrect my moribund spirit.

Again, I thank you for your reply.

[BlueTiger]

Gadude,
There is more hope than you could ever imagine. 
Keep reading stories, you are on the right path. 
Your spirit is not dead, just in a coma maybe...
It's best to get the referenced medical testing. 
Keep networking for a sitter....once you have completed the medical testing, and you know what your plan of action is for the flood, all the sitter is there for is to monitor you.  Breathing, drinking water slowly....I was hooked up to a heart/vitals monitor for my first flood. 
There is a sticky on Guidelines for a Sitter (as I'm sure you know). 
I have heard of certain nurse practitioners being open to the concept of sitting.
Maybe keep reading....a lot.  You should start to feel empowered that you found Iboga and Eboka. 
You just found THE inner circle if you ask me. 
Take a breathe and keep connecting. 

Sat Nam,
B-uniT

[fritzerman]

gadude'

Ibogaine gives you the best chance to get off opiates. I have also battled opiate addiction for a good part of my life. I have done three floods but have eventually relapsed every time. But don't be discouraged, the relapses were my fault and due to lack of insight into the "work" that we need to do ourselves after ibogaine instead of relying on ibogaine to cure everything. It gives us the chance to be free of addiction, but as someone else said it's not a "magic bullet". What it does for sure, or a least in my case, is pretty much 100% eliminates the physical withdrawals. It also gives you a reset of the opiate receptors which will substantially shorten the period of PAWS which follows opiate cessation.

I know well the feeling you expressed about opiates that "They make me gregarious, fun, want to play with the kids, pay bills, etc". Finding joy without opiates is the "work" that we have to do after getting the great benefit from this medicine. It's taken me a long time to realize this aspect, and to also learn a perspective about how to view life so as to find joy again without pain pills. Life problems don't go away after ibogaine, but we are given a chance to learn how to deal with life problems without letting the stress and anxiety of life lead us back into our old habits. Simply put, it involves a change to a more positive attitude, appreciating things as they happen, and not worrying or fretting about the future. You already know that opiates eventually suck the life out of you and also empty the wallet quickly.

You sound committed. You have certainly found the right place to get good information and advice. There are a lot of people around here with a lot of knowledge and a great willingness to help. Trying to explain to friends and family your plan to use ibogaine is a tricky proposition. You have to educate them just like you educated yourself on the topic. You may choose not to share your plans with others but for a very few. I still laugh when recalling first telling my brother of my plan. He thought I had lost my mind. He was actually pretty close to correct. I was desperate to get off the pain pills and was just about going bonkers dealing with the guilt and loss of control over my life.

In summary, there's no easy way out of this trap/mass we got ourselves into, but ibogaine is by far the best option. Keep studying to learn everything you can, particularly the steps you need to take after the flood. Things like boosters, diet, supplements that help, the great benefit of exercise, the  benefits of yoga/meditation, support groups etc. I wish you the best of luck.

[lalababa]

Hi gadude,

Welcome!  I hope you find what you are looking for here.  A lot of have been exactly where you are.  Keep reading and sharing.   

lalababa

[gadude]

Thanks, everyone. You know the funny this is I can handle withdrawal. I've been dope sick a million times. It's the desperation, boredom, and sadness that come later which I can't tolerate. Life just seems overwhelming and horrible with no hope. Still, I'm really not depressed. I eat, sleep, laugh, whatever. It's just I have no connection, no purpose.

Again, thanks.

[BlueTiger]

It's just I have no connection, no purpose.

Opiate abuse turn us into ghosts or robot like (and we can begin to see why in science too).  They steal your soul in a sense, IMHO.  It's very easy to see that being clean.  My brother and gf said I looked white as a ghost, and was completely manic weeks before departing for my first flood.   

Fritzerman's post is accurate for me too.   

Gadude, we have all been there to some extent.  This is an age old "issue."  Your above quote, is only as real as you perceive it.  You can pay your bills?  That's hope/purpose in my world.  You will soon see how important it is to celebrate each element of your success.  It will all add up to your construct of the great hope and purpose that we all seek. 

Hope is a tricky thing.  It can present itself with many faces, and many times it is masked, hiding within an experience, or a message board.  Hope comes and goes, and it's ebbs and flows can be enough to crumble worlds.  There is so much information here that could provide you hope.  IMO, the tangible "hope" will come once you have had your first flood. 

I can handle dope sickness too, PAWS always had me relapsing (1-3 months clean, and I was back).  PAWS sucks, but there is fulfilling life after PAWS.  I still struggle with hope (go figure), but I am more and more empowered as the days go by.  This is all thanks to my support systems, my dedication to working with Iboga, now my nootropic work, and making a lifestyle over the last year(s) out of meditation, yoga, nutrition, modest goals to torpedo me in that direction of not only feeling 'hope', but feeling like a potent me was emerging.  Feeling like this has restored my hope, as I redefine my purpose.

This article below was the 2nd piece I read by Daniel Pinchbeck before my first flood.  I respect his goals and the direction his is going.  He opened up a world for me after reading his book years ago, "Breaking Open the Head." 

http://www.laweekly.com/2003-08-28/news/turn-on-meet-god-get-straight/

[gadude]

Wow, Tiger. That was an amazing article. I got very emotional reading it, thinking 'this is what i need. this is it.' I feel like if I could have some experience of this I would be ok. Just some knowledge that there is more to life than cold rational existence.
I worry about so many things- from the banal office politics to the fate of the universe. It would be nice to put so many of these burdens down.

[fritzerman]

You two make dope sickness sound easy. I agree it's not as bad as PAWS can be, but come on. I did cold turkey one time without anything- no Thomas recipe. no clonidine etc. It was the hardest 4 days of my life. You guys are tough SOBS, sadists, delusional, or just don't remember the depth of that hell on earth. They say a woman would never have a second child if she remembered how bad it hurt the first time. I can recall my wife's comments during labor with our first child--it was all my fault apparently. Never heard a cuss word from her til then.

At any rate, the conversation about dealing with PAWS is good and productive since it's the key to success in dealing with addiction recovery. That's the focus of my learning energy right now. Keep it up--it's the door opener.

[gadude]

Fritzer, it is different for different people. I'm dopesick right now but I am managing ok. I've been through w/d many many times. The worst was not the pure opiates, but drugs like Tramadol (a week of hell) and benzos (felt like a non-stop panic attack).

I am a bit skeptical of PAWS, only because it seems like it's a word invoked for any problem post acute w/d. After w/d I do feel emotional, but I have managed multiple years of sobriety. I'm not sure if you would call it PAWS or what, but every single day of sobriety I thought "I wish I could get high". I just don't feel right without opiates. I feel uncoordinated, nervous, weird in my own skin. Plus, when the oxy addiction leaves usually sex or something else takes it's place. I really hate being this way. I wish I could just be 'normal' whatever that is.
I've thought about going back on Ultram b/c that was a nice daily crutch and not financially draining like oxy, but the w/d oh jeez that was horrible. I vowed never again. I wish to hell I was different.

[Morninggloryseed]

Been a long day so I will be short on words but the wisdom in this forum is so impressive.  I learn something new every time I read.  To the OP....iboga is right for you if you think so...I am of the opinion that iboga is right for everyone who is seeking.  And I realize that is some serious idealism on my part but that is my belief.

Iboga got me out of 10 years of daily opiate use and gave me the tools I need to remain sober.  2 months post ibogaine, I am working hard every day to keep this feeling alive and it works!  It is almost as if the ibogaine has never work off..and it takes work....and I love to do this work.

Ibogaine is not a magic bullet but its about as close to one as there will ever be.  It will interrupt addiction (at the right dose) but the most important part is the FOLLOW UP THERAPY.  I am fortunate to have family supporting me as I go through this spiritual transformation...I am so lucky to not have to work at the moment, and I am free to explore the new doors that have opened for me...instead of having to return to a daily grind of 9-5.  Every day that goes by makes me stronger and makes the idea of going back to opiates nothing short of abhorrent.

I will even throw this out...for the next few months I will be free to pursue my fancies.  If you need someone to help you on your quest, please PM me.  I am available and I want to give back all of the life and love iboga gave to me.

[gadude]

Thanks, Morningglory. I will be in touch. I'm so sick of this life. I just can't take it anymore.

[Morninggloryseed]

Please do, you won't find too many people as willing or as able to help you as I can/will at the moment.  I was a hopeless addict too, I wanted to die and considered my opiate addiction a slow suicide.  I got out and now truly smell the roses every day.  there is hope as long as there is iboga and nice guides like me willing to assist.

[BlueTiger]

We are all one.