One week down………..no opiates, kratom or SSRI’s.
To anyone using iboga as an aid to a taper I highly recommend getting the taper with over as soon as possible. The Wood is much clearer when it is not fighting with other substances.
I’ve been refining my mindwork techniques, I think it describes the process better than “meditation”.
The model of isolating the various layers of consciousness and then working on them one at a time is a good one for me.
I start by putting on my headphones, turning down the lights and listening to music. Not mediation music, not tribal music ……. classical doesn’t work for me either. I usually build a playlist of lyrical ballads for my lengthy evening sessions, but if my energy is down or I want a quick energizing morning session I might go for reggae or even rock.
I start by relaxing and just listening to the music, tuning in the higher (ego) layers of consciousness into the songs. Then I move down, letting the music “babysit” the ego layers so they stay out of my way while I work. The next layer is usually the autobiographical memory layer – I’ll bask a little while in the memories evoked by the songs then move down deeper.
I can’t define a fixed hierarchy of these layers at this point in time. For the last few sessions the next layer I've been working on is that of will, or motivation……the layer that compels the higher layers to think or take action. This is an important one because I’ve always used drugs as a motivating force so I need to find a different path.
Then I go deeper, down to the complex, fragmented places inhabited by damaged pieces of my inner self and I find those pieces, examine them, reassure them and try to heal them.
This is where the healing powers of the wood come into play, the roots nurtured in the ground of the place that is the cradle of life. Co-evolution is a beautiful thing.
Then I work my way back up. The cycle takes 15 to 20 minutes. I repeat several times, my average evening session lasts about 2 hours. Last night I took a 600mg dose of RB before I started and did a double session – 4 hours- with one planned break in the middle ( and one unplanned break when I fumbled in the dark and knocked the water pipe on the carpet

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If you had asked me two weeks ago I would’ve probably insisted that my problems all originated within the past 12 years and I would’ve thrown most of the blame on the external triggers. I am just now beginning to recognize how deep and long lasting my addiction is. I wrote in another thread about how I was engaging in drug seeking behavior at a very young age- before I even started taking drugs- and I have isolated a particular incident that happened when I was 9 that gave birth to the addict inside my head . This incident was so long ago I’m not sure that I have the details correct, but perception is not only reality but it’s the ONLY reality. Understanding this is a powerful tool for effecting change. The image of the addict inside my head as my damaged 9 year old self is compelling and relatable image.
Still working out the microdosing schedule and trying to fix it into my conventional work week schedule. I’m going to try taking a strong dose on Friday nights – maybe up to one gram, a few days off, then booster doses of 50mg to 150mg until the next Friday.
And lastly:
While iboga is a powerful tool no one should ever use a powerful tool without checking out a user’s manual first. I think this group and the knowledge I have gained here is more important to my recovery than the iboga itself and I thank all of you.
And thanks to all of you for reading this.
I’m not really used to writing about myself to this extent and I’m still not totally comfortable with it, it seems a little self-centered somehow. But writing lends cohesion to my thoughts and clears my head……..so thanks again for listening.