Author Topic: Can Iboga give me my life back?  (Read 2773 times)

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Offline axl617

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Can Iboga give me my life back?
« on: July 11, 2013, 05:28:55 AM »
Hi everyone, sorry about this being long but it's necessary to get where I'm coming from. I'm a 22year old male, I drink excessively, smoke pack+ a day, take SSRIs and abused pot for a while. Nothing serious like opiate addiction luckily.

I won't get into details of my childhood or personality, but it wasn't the worst and far from the best. I was a fairly insecure teen and didn't have many friends, I had a great time at 19-21 when I discovered alcohol, clubbing and girls. I had no ambition but weekly going out with my drinking friends and random hookups was the best time of my life. Things started going bad around beginning of 2012, fell for some chick and she broke it off with me, sent me into a bad spiral I guess. Took up smoking, never managed to stop. I started experimenting with drugs, acid, mdma (which I'm worried messed me up) and pot (sometimes synthetic), that was fun at first. Then got into a relationship out of fear, didn't want it but felt too guilty to walk away, was an overall not good person.

Anyway somewhere late 2012 I had this random sensation around 7pm, now I'd probably call it a panic attack or whatever, but it was new and scary to me. It came back same time next day, and has since, I used to soothe it with alcohol/cigarettes, nowdays I just ride it out. It's like this feeling of mild disassociation, anxiety and emotional pain. It took over my life, I no longer really have a life. I no longer feel I'm 'with it', the flow of this reality, I'm sortov living in my head, unable to experience pleasure, I feel like a stranger to this world. Everything in my life went away, my existence is merely going through the motions, trying to find out what's wrong with me.

It's an obsession, I took up antidepressants and therapy. Everything helps a little, I know every supplement known to man, I research various new herbs and alternative remedies on a daily basis. I exercise, eat healthy, do a bunch of stuff. But it's so exhausting, doing all this just to feel normal again. I know it's not the way, I know I'm prolonging my suffering trying to find a solution. I even ordered some aya tincture, was a nice buzz, but nothing without the spice. I decided to heavy dose acid, big mistake, I had a moment of total separation from reality, like life was a video game. Last thing I needed.

So here I am, considering trying Iboga as a last resort before I accept my new reality. I hope it can give me that 'magic' back that life once had, or lead me to it. I hope it helps me get over my lifelong handicaps, i.e inability to genuinely care about others, compulsive behavior such as drinking, low self-esteem, social phobia, brain fog and laziness. Anyone here think I'm just wasting my time? I can't afford the 3k 'therapy' so I will attempt to order and do it alone.

Offline mo

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Re: Can Iboga give me my life back?
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2013, 09:58:38 AM »
ahh, bless you. i do hope it will help you. it surely can, but who knows how it will go? be sure that it is for you, trust your gut feeling, prepare well, find a good sitter (don't settle for anybody!), take care.
i will suggest some other things that helped me:
read: "i am that" by sri nisargadata maharaj (reading it was like cleaning/clearing my mind)
eat: try IF intermittent fasting (will bring one big change on so many levels, try it for a week and watch your digestion change, take it from there)
do: try yoga/meditation, i can highly recommend aypsite dot com
try connecting to local plants, i have connected to stinging nettle by drinking tea made of the leaves for ~ 8 weeks, also, you can soak the leaves of oak trees in water over night (or for less long) and drink them. for me they have a subtle to strong effect.
hope this helps!
« Last Edit: July 11, 2013, 10:02:59 AM by mo »
in a universe like ours, to beings like us, the idea of a god dying can be quite liberating

Offline missjess

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Re: Can Iboga give me my life back?
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2013, 03:03:20 AM »
Wow I can't help but notice the similarities between us! I went thru the exact same thing ...what you are experiencing is depersinalization .... I would Deffinately recommend iboga I actually done a Flood recently, it helped a lot however I feel the need to do another one to go deeper so I'm just waiting it out.

Where are you from? I'm in australia

Offline missjess

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Re: Can Iboga give me my life back?
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2013, 05:06:30 AM »
I forgot to mention DON'T FLOOD ALONE

Offline Alexandra Lost

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Re: Can Iboga give me my life back?
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2013, 08:40:11 AM »
Hi Axl

You need to be very careful with mixing anti-depressants and iboga, you should get them clear from your system before attempting a flood.

Since you don't need a flood to eliminate opiate withdrawals you might want to consider microdosing first. I had success with very small daily microdoses (50mg to 200mg rootbark) combined with diet, exercise, meditation and rigorous self-therapy. I had therapeutic breakthroughs after the first few weeks, insights that I didn't come close to reaching during months of traditional talk therapy. If you are currently doing talk therapy I'm betting iboga microdoses would be a huge assist.

Be aware that I am an "ultra-sensitive" when it comes to medications and most folks require a substantially larger microdose, also there is a cumulative effect. 

If you do decide to flood PLEASE read the journals posted here first. It's serious medicine and you will see that even among people whose flood experience was a therapeutic success there were many "touch and go" moments, ambulance rides and hospitalizations.

Best of luck in your journeys.

Offline axl617

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Re: Can Iboga give me my life back?
« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2013, 09:15:47 PM »
Thank you MO, I was watching many of his videos on youtube. Interesting how much sense it all makes now after experiencing psychadelics lol.

Alexandra I am considering microdosing for a little while, I just can't see anyway I can have a sitter so a flood would be quite something. Although at this point I am quite apt at handling myself in very rough situations  :-\


Wow I can't help but notice the similarities between us! I went thru the exact same thing ...what you are experiencing is depersinalization .... I would Deffinately recommend iboga I actually done a Flood recently, it helped a lot however I feel the need to do another one to go deeper so I'm just waiting it out.

Where are you from? I'm in australia

Interesting, I did research depersonalization but I would say my case is much milder, only on LSD I had full-blown DP. I live in Australia, Melbourne, I  hope to obtain some Iboga from Ibogaworld!
« Last Edit: July 12, 2013, 09:25:22 PM by axl617 »

Offline missjess

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Re: Can Iboga give me my life back?
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2013, 02:22:13 AM »
ah kool well im from the gold coast, australia! haha if you need some help with ur flood perhas we can arrange something..i would also recommend you have a nurse present too just to be on the safe side

depersonalization is sneaky...i got mine triggered from meth about 6 years ago and originally it just came after i had a few puffs and a couple of drug overdoses then eventually it became permanent. if i were u i would look up harris harrington he will tell u the causes (insecure attachment style and emotional abuse/neglect r major causes) drugs r just triggers for what is already there so u need to get your emotional pain resolved