Author Topic: Flood in Thailand  (Read 2917 times)

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Offline zingdoozer

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Flood in Thailand
« on: August 09, 2013, 02:21:31 AM »
I signed up for the IBeginAgain ibogaine retreat in Koh Samui. Seemed legit when I had a look at their website and I pulled the trigger. (now that I have had it, I can't recommend  them highly enough).

I did a lesser banishing ritual of the pentagram to cleanse my auric field, I did a rose cross for an astral protection cloak, the middle pillar to assume the god form, chi kung sets and surya namaskar sun salutations.

I invoked my ancestors, and asked for their protection. Also invoked my guardian spirits.

I also PM' a few people, and some pretty powerful healers , theta healers, kundalini awakened peeps and asked them to send me love and light. I also entered theta state and drew light and asked, or rather co-mmanded (co-, because I'm God doing it with God) protection. I felt this was a really important step for me pre-work. Felt another beautiful energy overseeing my work with the Father.

I invoked Papa Iboga and asked if he could help with my  intentions. Which were....

Relationship avoidance.
Procrastination with housekeeping like tax filing and paperwork. And cutting out the stress of unfinished  from my life.
Stopping cannabis. I was unsure about this, but now know it has to go. Might come back, but lets take it a month at a time, or even a day at a time.

I had made a decision on the advice of a friend that I should take a couple of months off the weed, instead of neuroticising about a complete break or if I should do it once a month or so.

Looking back I recall my pot smoking years as much much happier overall than the non pot smoking ones.

However my last meeting with Papa, showed me how there is a clean me, and a stoned me. And the stoned me is taking over my life after work till I sleep. And that's when it's crunch time for priorities like creativity, essential paperwork and the like.

It was also making me antisocial. Not going out, and stuck in front of a laptop all day. Whittling my life away. Sure, a lot of other things are going tickety boo and that I'm happy with - but the cannabis use and its effects was troubling. What was more troubling though was that it didnt seem like I really wanted to quit, I'm quite disciplined with healthy habits in my old age, and if I decide to stop something, I'd bet on myself pulling it off.
Also I had a cognition that my weed smoking years that I recall seemed much happier than the non weed smoking years. So that was another excuse I used to keep the habit.

After having asked Papa for help with my intentions, and leaving a whole lotta leeway for him to do his magic, my (medically trained) sitters gave me a first dose to see how my heart would react.

This was crazy!

My heart rate went down from 62 to 47 and back up again. It was yoyoing like nobody's business.

I've never heard of that much vacillation of heart beat in less than a few seconds.

It did settled after the other two doses though, and my sitter gave me 15mg/kg (98% HCL). I was kinda disappointed about this. But this whilst in a sprawling villa, with a pool, and shit hot thai cooks, was a medical treatment centre. So I didnt suppose they would go very high. And I was just going to play ball and get with the plan.

She did give me a higher dose later (so in all, I had five separate staggered doses in total), not sure how much it was. Will ask today.

This one did knock me flat. I thought I hadn't flooded before (got close but no cigar me thought), but now I know I've flooded all three times.

I didnt get any visuals. However it was pretty intense per usual.

I don't like to focus on the visual for any part of the trip anyways - I know the spirits are there, and the visuals distract me from the lessons.

I started to go in, and I felt the familiar sinking feeling and the insights coming hard and fast.

It was a shame that I didn't meditate for 3-4 weeks (jeez, that is probably the longest break I've had from meditation over the past year). As my mind kept wandering. But I wasn't bothered, I was here for a fair few hours and there would be enough and more lessons and healing coming along.

I also had a brilliant youtube bwiti music playlist play that didnt play any ads through 70 videos (haha, maybe Papa Iboga fiddling with youtube servers so he wasnt interrupted by ads).

I once switched the music off, but was more comfortable with it on all night, though I don't see myself ever hearing that music outside of an iboga dream.

I also opened a dictaphone app on my phone and recorded key lessons in a sentence or two length bite sized chunks.

I'm about to open it now as I play this. And will transcribe as I read through the lessons.

Relationship avoidance. I asked first about help with closure, and moving on. With an ex-girlfriend that I WAS (thank feck for past tense, finally phew! Happened over the last few weeks the releasing, but like in Iboga world, everything is a coincidence.) hung up over, he said that I knew that I don't want to be with her, or don't ever want to be with her because of the stress (hehe, that I allowed myself to feel) that I had all through being with her.
Sure, I might still believe we are soulmates, but Papa Iboga asked me what I would do if she said everythings cool, she wants to get back together and have babies with me. And I said, no, I do NOT want that. And he said, see, there's your answer for closure.
I was not focussed on our compatibility, but rather the sex, and how crazy I imagined she still was about me, and that she was expecting me in some way or other to get back to her, and might even be waiting for me to get back. Despite all the mixed signals. Sure, I haven't contacted her in a couple of years, and aim to keep it this way over the long haul. I was thinking of writing a thank you/I'm grateful letter. But the message was clear NO CONTACT. Live and let live. There are newer, better realities to be created. More closure :)

Get rid of the pettiness in my life, people have so much pettiness / so many trivial issues to get worked up over. Their resentments, the things they don't like and the things they ALLOW to control their neurochemicals. Things they allow to make them feel awful.

With the taxes, start doing them, and once I start the answers will be clear. It might look complicated now (business and personal taxes intersecting) but I will have a clear road ahead.

With my other paperwork, I have to get a copy of something, and fill up the data sheet.
I also need to get my paperwork sorted as much as possible, so I get my long awaited promotion to head honcho, and can then think about leaving. Head honcho in a job like this, I'm not sure is a long term option. Sure, it's good, even great dosh, but comes in the way of other important stuff that need the hours in my day open. But however my next 6 months is to set up projects and a cashflow. But really to get the paperwork sorted as fast as possible so I can get to the next stage.

As regards the relationship avoidance, I should start that out by getting out of the house more often in the evenings (which will happen automatically without the weed). The cannabis was keeping me in, and stealing what could be a shit hot lifestyle away from me.

To start speaking to girls in the day. Some of hottest, classiest girls I know are girls I spoke to, sometimes ran up to and chatted in the street, and not standard nightclub fare.

I asked about the weed, and was wondering how to get rid of my last stash. I couldnt find my last one, so brought a new pack and have two packs. I was wondering how to do it. Go on a blast session, or give it to someone. But Papa Iboga stops me and says chuck it in the loo and flush it. Stay away from it for 2 months - then we can re-negotiate.

Procrastination. Papa Iboga says organisation is the opposite of procrastination. Organisation is an easy skill to learn, and can teach my neural pathways to grow from scrawny paths to full fledged superhighways (or anywhere in between). And the discipline, and neural pathways will stand me in good stead for the rest of my life.
To grow into more discipline with my daily schedule. Heck, twenty minutes of meditation, 20 minutes of trumpet practice (and to cancel each if I'm more than 5 minutes late for either of them), an evening pomodoro (25 minutes) or two on housekeeping paperwork will have me quids in.

To get back and work at getting things right right now, from the beginning. Instead of waiting to start a few projects. Starting immediately will mean the spirit can push me forward with momentum, rather than waiting for 'someday'. Or even a few days, or a couple of weeks. Have to make most use of the spirit driving things along in the early period.

Because time is short, and I'm not going to live forever. I am going to be aging soon, and will die just a little bit later (or sooner, who knows). And it means I have to get things done. So work on issues like procrastination (through being more organised). and having a set schedule for at least a couple of hours of my own time will make things happen automatically.

Sure, we come with nothing, and we leave with nothing. All this in between is such drama we create. But it's all just a ride. Also achieving my goals wont make me happy (or if they do, for a few temporary seconds). However the key is to be present in the Now, and lifehack the system by using the seeking for goals as a reason for dopamine/good feelings in the now. It's the reaching, or even the illusion of progress that keeps us chasing even more.

I was guided to do my paperwork and use the rest of August to catch up with this. Taking what can be an overwhelming task one step at a time will make it a whole lot easier. 'How do you eat an elephant? In small bites'.

Start anew in September, and remember to keep up the good work.

With my trumpet lessons I have to book an additional test that will prep me for the main one a month later.

I am holidaying with a good friend, and we are pretty openly and consistently critical of each other, when we are usually positive with pretty much everyone else. And I found that this was because it gave us both a therapeutic insight. It also said we could work towards giving feedback in a nice, peaceful way without getting each other's backs up. But with us getting back to being normal buddies even a few seconds later, it didn't seem like such an enormous problem that I HAD to get solved.

I asked about my own issues with irritability (though I am not irritable that often, or even by too much, it does distress me to lose control (even if its a low grade snap at someone at most). However he said it doesnt look like I want to get it sorted, so it wont get sorted. He said that I use the irritability as a rapport building technique. And use it to grow closer to people, after I might have snapped at them. Happens once or twice in a month though, and not a major problem. But it does distress me, yes.

I have been having rhodiola, and was feeling guilty about having a feel good chemical (even if it was relatively clean compared to pharma drugs) to help me withe my mood and the energy to do stuff. I felt guilty as i didn't think I needed a chemical to make me feel good, as I feel pretty good  anyways. But the pointer with this particular lesson was that people use alcohol all across the world to feel better without a qualm. And it pointed me towards evaluating supplements in a more balanced light.

I haven't been cooking my own food (been juicing, or eating out) and I was advised to start making my own food. As if I am thinking of growing my own food, I have to be cooking my own food in the first instance.

Life is short, start creating as soon as possible seemed to be the most important lesson of the trip.
So I have more years being given to create the best realities that I can imagine.

My 'gray day', ie the morning mood crash after ibogaine was a bit rough. But I wanted to smash through it. I had a massive crash the first time I had Iboga (which was also a micro dose a few days before a weekend flood, and that was enough to drain all the serotonin/dopamine for a few days). But I have learnt to manage them.

I used some state change techniques to pump my emotional state, that I learnt from the Tony Robbins seminar, which I went to. Nothing more spectacular than pumping my fists and shouting YES! And not allowing the negative chemicals to have negative thoughts affecting them. Since the seminar one positive effect that I was very happy with was a post hypnotic suggestion that keeps cropping up which was to deal with the negative critical voice in my head. I remember all 5000 of us going 'I AM THE VOICE', and that's what I have been doing with myself. If I have a negative thought, I reassure myself just like a good friend would, put a positive slant on it, learn a lesson if I need to, tell myself how I will change my behaviour (or not) the next time this happens.

So even if I had the negative chemicals in my body, they werent able to do any damage as they didnt have any negative thoughts to work with.

I came downstairs and found out that something that wasn't very nice had happened, and it had been a bit of a buzzkill for everyone else. And I found I couldn't get happy (selfish me on my grey day) with what had happened. But I spoke about it to my sitter, and she (God bless her) raised her state. And I could comfortably be back in Happy land.

My friend was wiped out all day yesterday. However now he's pulling back, and am coincidentally in the same situation / mood state as him. Which tells me that I powered through it yesterday.

But I can peacefully work through this - it's just the grey days which are like nothing I have ever felt that I feel I have to power through.

I haven't been depressed a single day since I started practising a powerful energy healing modality called Theta Healing, and was strange to feel the presence, and even the extent of these depressive neurochemicals in me (sure, now I remember hangovers too :) ).

All in all, it was probably far and away my best Iboga dream (and they have all been awesome, apart from me not actioning the middle dream's lessons, and sabotaged it by having processed food and meat on the day after.)

I'd highly recommend doing it with the sitters I had, and I can't speak highly enough of them both. It was a remarkably warm, supportive, kind experience in what can sometimes be a difficult dream (even at the best of times). But the iboga isn't really supposed to be a pleasurable experience, it's more likely to be a painful experience so we get the emotional leverage to change our patterns of behaviour.

The other centre in Koh Samui seems to be run by mavericks who havent done the ibogaine themselves. One of my sitters had jumped ship from there. This one seems to be a high class experience all the way through. Huge villa. Good rooms. Great food. Good people. Saltwater swimming pool.

Haha, I remember thinking I wanted to purge, and a friend saying that she wished she hadn't puked when she had it as it chucked out the iboga too. So I was in two minds. However I thought I would ask the Father what to do. He seemed to laugh and say, don't worry about it. When it happens you won't have a choice about it. I said, nope. Lets disagree on this. I'm going to keep it in, no matter what. Even if you feel otherwise. Haha, famous last words.

I had an urge to purge some time later, and the vomit rushed out, and I swallowed it in saying you are staying in. But a couple of seconds later, it was pushed out with abandon, and there was no way I could hold it in. Haha, that teaches me to disagree with Papa Iboga.

All in all a great experience. The 98% HCL was the best I have had, and I have had them from two different suppliers before. One of which was Cerebrus extracts, but this blew that out of the water. Cleaner, easier and quicker to get out of the system. The lessons were golden, recording them was a good move. Now onto actioning them. I have to be careful about a possible crash a week or two in, when I'm working like all get out, and the amount of stuff I have done is great, but I begin to get overwhelmed with just how much there is to be done. I asked Papa about this, and he said don't worry about making a plan to deal with that crash. It will sort itself out when it happens.

It's now circa 36 hours since I had the Iboga. I still feel a bit flat, with the depleted dopamine/serotonin. But easily handleable, and no need to artificially pump my state.

I can speak to Papa Iboga and get answers from him. And will keep chatting with him over the next few weeks, until his presence (at least in a to and fro communicating sense) weakens.

Beautiful lessons learnt. Now onto actioning them.

Offline lalababa

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Re: Flood in Thailand
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2013, 12:35:15 AM »
Hi zingdoozer,

sorry I am just now getting to read this.  Thank you so much for sharing!

much love,