Topic: Still Searching

[Angelique]

Hi
I have been lurking around the forums for a few weeks reading about everyone's experience and figured it was time to post. I started using drugs when I was 12. I had a huge gaping hole inside of me and drugs made it feel better. I won't bore you with all the long drawn out gory details but I eventually became a heroin addict for a long hellish 7 years. Then 1 additional year of Methadone. I knew the Meth would kill me faster than the smack so I made the decision that perhaps I did want to live. I did it the hard way and I do mean THE HARD WAY. I still have Heroin nightmares to this day and I have been clean from opiates for over a decade.
Fast forward to today. I have been researching Ibogaine for a few months. I deal with depression and grief and find it hard to experience joy in my life. Perhaps my brain just doesn't produce endorphins like it should. But then I wasn't that good at finding joy before my addiction either. My intention for flooding is to reset my brain and address my emotional issues.
So here it is in my hand 3 grams ibogaine TA from a Canadian supplier as I live in Canada and this site was recommended by several members on this forum. I've done my homework and I've picked a date and I have a sitter and I can't help but be a little scared. Do I have the strength to really face myself? A part of me wants to wait but a bigger part of me says it's time. Time to break thru the walls and learn to love myself. Time to be free.
I don't really have any question as I just felt the need to connect to others who have experienced this. What's really strange is that ever since it arrived I have been feeling strange. Like Iboga is already checking me out and preparing the journey. 8 more days to go till flood. I will share my experience after. Thank you for your time. Shine your beautiful light. ~Angelique

[DiamondHeart]

Welcome to the forum Angelique

That is a beautiful introduction. Left me with a really good feeling. If you didn't feel a little bit scared, I think we'd all be a little worried! It's good to have a healthy respect for iboga and the journey you are embarking on.

Sounds like you've done your homework and are as ready as anyone can be - I really like your attitude.

What's really strange is that ever since it arrived I have been feeling strange. Like Iboga is already checking me out and preparing the journey.

I REALLY like this part…. that's a good omen in my book.

Good luck with your flood - look forward to hearing about your experience.

[ddraig]

Thank you for the introduction Angelique, sounds like you are right where you are meant to be. Looking forward to reading about your experience.

[mo]

wow, welcome Angelique, you are awesome! i have not had a better feeling about someone introducing himself here. you really have taken good care of yourself given the circumstances - well done to you, wow, well done!
i trust you will respect and listen to all your voices and intuitions and fears. it is only normal to have the inner family becoming alive since they all sense that this is big and that this meant to happen - i'm really happy for all of you!

[Angelique]

Hi Again

Thank you for your kind words. It is appreciated and was a nice thing to wake up to. This isn't an experience that I take lightly and I am approaching this plant teacher with the utmost respect. I had a dream last night which was pretty cool. I was standing in front of this control panel with all these colored buttons on it. There was somebody standing behind me who I couldn't see showing me in which order I needed to press the buttons. Blue red purple blue etc. Then I heard "Once you have all the codes in the right order you will see who you truly are". Pretty amazing dream. I have a very intense dream life and have been a lucid dreamer since I was a small child. Flying in my dreams is the only time I really feel free. I have also had very intense nightmares my entire life but they have become less and less since I got clean. You have my word that I will be posting my experience after my journey. I appreciated and gained so much from reading about everybody's experiences that it is only fair that I write out mine for the next person. I wish I had known about Iboga in my addiction but then perhaps I was meant to fight my demons on my own. We all have our own path thru the darkness. Shine your beautiful light! ~Angelique

[DiamondHeart]

Wow - what a cool dream Angelique!

It has similarities to a mini vision I had while macrodosing on RB - to this day I still try to tap into that teaching and the feeling that experience gave me. So if you are getting this sort of message before you even take the flood dose, that is freaking awesome.

Just my take on it but it sounds like the universe is giving you a green light. I am extremely happy for you.

[lalababa]

Hi Angelique,

Welcome to Eboka!  I do think that if you feel Iboga is calling you that it is a good sign.  It sounds like you have read up and are prepared.  I wish you the best on your journey and am looking forward to hearing about it when you return!

lalababa

[Angelique]

Hi!

Just wanted to check in and say that I flooded on Sat at sundown. I truly have no words. It was the most intense experience of my life. I have been dismembered and put back together piece by piece, Such a thin line between pleasure and pain. To be completely honest, if I had known how hard it was going to be I don't know if I would have done it. However, the gifts and wisdom was worth every minute. My Bwiti guide Nya has asked me to take my time and do my very best to write up my experiences. In honor of her I will be doing exactly that. Just need a bit of time to recalibrate. Thank you to everybody on the forum and for all who posted. I am in alignment with my soul. ~Angelique

[DiamondHeart]

I was thinking about you on Saturday and wondering how your flood was going. Glad to hear you are well.

Look forward to hearing about your experience when you have rested and recovered.

For a post flood nutritional boost try this:

http://eboka.info/index.php?topic=1946.0

Take care

[mo]

uuuuu.... i have goosebumps travelling down my body - i'm so happy for you! bless you!

[Tyler]

Wow, I am a new member here myself but reading your posts Angelique was very refreshing to me... refreshing and also... giving me a feeling of veneration for this substance, that I have honestly not contemplated in all of its magnitude yet, as well as a feeling in my chest that I don't know how to describe. Maybe it is fear that I do not let myself acknowledge consciously, for fear that it will get out of control if I let that happen... But I also feel that it shows me that there is much more prep work that I must do myself before I endeavour to walk on this path of healing. I really have no other words to offer, but I am very glad that I can read what you wrote. And I wish for you to live free within yourself.