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Offline Angelique

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UnderWorld Initiation
« on: April 23, 2014, 06:47:34 PM »
UnderWorld Initiation

Preparation: 24 hr. fast   Sacred Space   Sage   Ritual Bath
Dosage: Consumed approx. 2.5 grams Ibogaine TA   160 pounds
Intention: To address emotional issues.  To reset brain. 

Still Searching
I am a self destructor. An isolator. An ex heroin addict with over a decade clean, but still broken. Still empty. Still searching. Still experiencing grief, depression & loneliness. The hermit in her cave. Just too sensitive for a world that has lost its way.

Breaking Open the Head   16 hrs.
Visionary Dismemberment & Washed Clean

Loosening the Mortal Coil
I ingested the first gram of ibogaine and got settled in my bed. I was too scared to take it all at once. I wanted to ease into the experience. Within 20 min. my body started to buzz. Mild at first but quickly increasing in intensity. Within 40 min. it felt like lightning was travelling thru my nervous system. Then the churning began. Like being in an out of control washing machine. Back & forth movements. Circular movements. Different areas of my mind-body experiencing various disorientating effects. I was uncomfortable. The intensity was coming in ever increasing waves, threatening to overwhelm me. Too late to turn back. I took another half gram.

Multidimensional Communications
I began experiencing multidimensional modes of communication. With my eyes closed, I was pulled into an inner world. There was a voice in my head providing instantaneous answers to my thoughts and concerns and there was time travelling visions of the inner workings of my mind-body incarnation. With my eyes open, or even when I moved, I was snapped out into an outer world of interdimensional  visitors with individual voices. I took another half gram.

Outer Worlds
Voices & Visionary Visitors
Enter the shadow frogs. Slowly swimming in straight lines, up and down and across all surfaces. Thousands of them. Moving slowly and singing their song. Then came the animals. The felines were first. A massive white Siberian tiger entered my room. He was stunning. He said his name was Sabbath and that he was my mate. I scoffed at him. How can he be my mate if he’s a tiger? Or was he? He grinned at me and continued lurking thru his jungle at the periphery of my vision. Then the jaguars arrived. About a dozen or so. Majestic and beautiful as they moved slowly around the room. They spoke with one voice. A feminine voice. “Beware. He is not what he seems. He is not to be trusted.” Although I had not felt threatened by him, I decided to heed their warning and keep my distance from him.
More felines arrived. Lions & Tigers. Snow leopards & Jungle Leopards. Panthers & Cheetahs. Beautiful big cats. Everywhere. Some moved slowly thru their own personal jungles. Others flashed in and out like old black & white movie screens. Others were still images and some were shadow animals. Still others were cartoon-like and they moved robotically and disjointedly. They were soon joined by all the animals of Mother Earth. So many kinds it would be hard to name them all. They were literally everywhere. It was magnificent. Elephants, Monkeys, Giraffes & Hippos. Eagles & Owls flew across the ceiling. So realistic that the flapping of their wings startled me. I saw Hedgehogs, Koala bears & Sloths and the smaller creatures of the forests. Animals that I recognized and others that I didn’t. They stayed with me throughout my experiences. Standing guard.

Enter the Bwiti. It started with a random face here and there, peeking in my room at me. I asked each one if they were my guide. “Not yet. Not yet.” The room shifted to a village in Africa. It was night. There were woman dressed in colourful clothing with rattles and they were dancing around a fire. They welcomed me with smiles and glances as I watched their ritual in progress. I wondered if I was a witness or a participant. Perhaps both.

A woman appears on my left side. She has kind eyes and her face is in profile. A red scarf is wrapped around her head. I ask her name and she tells me it is Nya. She tells me to take more. “Take More. Keep Going.” I take another half gram. I realize later that she is my guide. I fall into myself…

Inner Worlds   Trial by Fire
What was going on inside of me was excruciatingly painful. Full blown heroin withdrawal does not hold a candle to this. I tossed and turned relentlessly  to pull myself out of the trance and refocus on the animals in the other reality of eyes open. However, I kept getting pulled back inside in a riptide of movement and noise.

It began with a loud buzzing like a chainsaw or a lawnmower. It was so loud it made my head ache. Then what felt like blades started to slice thru the top of my head. SWISH SWISH They moved sickingly back & forth. Faster and faster. It truly felt like being dismembered piece by piece. It was agony. The voice inside my head became a constant companion. All my thoughts and concerns were instantly answered or addressed. The voice felt like an other. Was it Iboga? Was it my soul? I just don’t know but I was glad it was there. The voice told me my brain was being washed clean. I saw images of my receptor cells being washed and my synapses being rewired. There was white searing light everywhere. I kept asking how long this was going to last. “Soon Soon.” For 16 hrs all I heard was Soon Soon. I saw more images of my brain being rewired. Twisted synapses and circuits were being straightened and rearranged. I was shown 4 areas of receptor cells that needed extra cleaning. SWISH SWISH The blades swirled faster thru these areas in what felt like forever.

Inner Visions
As the washing of my brain moved down from the receptor cells to the middle of my head, I began a life review. Images from my past began to play out like old black & white movies. I was time travelling thru repressed memories, emotional traumas and the stuck energies of a shattered mind. One by one, all the people that had stolen a piece of me began to appear. All the experiences that had resulted in soul loss. Drug dealers, boyfriends, friends and family members. I asked for and received back each lost soul piece. As I offered forgiveness they faded away. I realized that I was altering the time line within my own mind and releasing all the trapped energy back into the present moment. Wisdom extracted. Soul Retrieval complete. Except for one piece.

The buzzing blades reached the deepest recesses of the back of my skull. The dark place. Long lost and forgotten. I saw myself at three months old in my crib. My father entered. I watched the scene unfold in shock and horror. What the fuck! Why would you show me this! This can’t be true. I refuse to believe it. Nya comes in on the left as I jerk my eyes open. She said “This is the source of your pain and your soul loss. This is when the line between pleasure and pain got blurred. When he stole your innocence he also cut you off from your essence. I am sorry dear one.”  This is when I learned that the world was not a safe place. Rewired by trauma. Destined for addiction and self destruction. Even though I had never known about this I was ready to forgive and release it. I had already done so much forgiving of him in therapy. He was damaged goods. Just like me. The blades stopped. The relief made me tremble. The buzzing energy moved into my body. The hard part was over. I wept like a little child. Heart wrenching sobs from deep within me.

Healing the Body   8 hrs.

Inner Visions
I started to feel a lot better as the energies moved throughout my body. The healing continued weaving a tapestry of images. Once again I was being washed clean. Heart scars were fading. My lower back was being realigned and strengthened. Then my left ovary. GONE Two implants. GONE One from my thigh and one from my arm. I am not sure if they were physical or energetic. POP POP GONE It felt like I was being wrapped up in a cocoon of light as I was being reassembled. Resurrected. Without prompting I was told that I would live to 93 or smoke till 72 and die of lung cancer. That I must quit before I turned 50. Iboga wanted my cigarettes. Dammit! Another choice.

Now that I was more comfortable and able to concentrate, I thought it was a good time to ask the questions that I had prepared beforehand. Personal questions about soul lessons and the reasons why I always seemed to learn the hard way. Global questions about the awakening humanity vs. demonic control freaks hell bent on destruction. Universal questions about the nature of infinity and the true creator of this Universe. Some questions were answered and others were not but it was extremely interesting to have a voice and visuals to help decipher the mysteries.

I also asked why I was Earth Bound during my Iboga experience. I was disappointed that I wasn’t able to fly outside of my body. Although I did feel loosened, I had not left the perception of my mind-body. I had really wanted to fly thru the Cosmos. I mean who wouldn’t? A taste of freedom would have been nice. I was denied access and I wanted to know why. I was told it was not safe to travel in this time or in this place. No ascension to the Heavenly Realms for me. All I get is dismemberment in the UnderWorld. Story of my life.

Outer Visions
With clipped wings I began witnessing the opening of dimensional portals near the ceiling. I watched the visitors appear and disappear as the sacred cats stood guard. It had the strangest energy to it and I could feel the swoshing of time and space. One portal contained greys and reptilians watching me with their cold eyes. Another held a machine elf in side profile. He gleamed like metal and looked like a Leprechaun with a top hat. Another portal revealed a Bwiti ritual similar to the one I had seen earlier. The woman were all smiling as me as I watched them dancing. Then came the otherworldly creatures. One came thru the ceiling like a telescope which then became a part of its body as it wiggled in. It moved like a jellyfish and had big eyes. Others looked like they were half stuffed animal and half real. I thought they were pretty cute. Things began to wind down at this point and the shadow frogs returned. Up & down. Back & forth.

In trouble with the Shaman   23 hrs. in

Nya comes in and tells me she is leaving me in the care of her husband. He has a stern face with a pot belly and he is dressed in yellow grass skirts with feathers and body paint. He looks like a shaman. I get the feeling that he is unimpressed with his duty as temporary guide and I am dismissed with a curt nod. Seeing him makes me wonder if he and Nya are alive in Africa right now or if they are ancestor spirits.

A short while later the shaman returns and tells me to get in the bath. I am comfortable and exhausted so I decide to ignore his request. I hate being told what to do. Nya comes back in and tells me that I am stubborn and that I need to stop complaining and get in the bath. I realize that instead of wasting my time and energy feeding a painful past and complaining about the present, I could be dreaming my future. That it is always a choice. I get in the bath.

The shadow frogs join me in the bath and start singing their healing song. Washed Clean. Brand New. An underwater elephant creature shows up near my right foot. He has a suction type device as his right hand and a whip made out of white light in his left. His face is expressionless as he looks at me. I can feel him humming underneath the water and watch the ripples in the water. He wants me to open my legs. Are you fucking serious? The shaman comes in and gives me a stern look. Shit! I don’t want him to get Nya again so I decide to submit to the cleaning from the inside out. I know it had something to do with the removal of my left ovary earlier. That it is necessary. I would have been more comfortable with a female underwater elephant but I wasn’t going to complain. I watched as he zapped my skin with purple light emanating from the white light whip. ZAP ZAP VIRUS GONE Thank you Underwater Elephant. He disappears.

Farewells
I get back into my bed and get comfortable. I felt peaceful and filled with light and very exhausted. Beautiful. The animals were the first to say their goodbyes. “GoodBye   We Love You   Never Alone.” Then came the Bwiti to wave goodbye with their beautiful smiling faces. Nya comes in for the last time. “You have been initiated. You are part of our family and part of our community.” I felt incredibly honoured as I have never felt a part of anything in this life. I thank her with tears in my eyes.

Promises Made
Nya asks me to take my time and do my very best to write up my experiences for the next generation. She also asks me to avoid all drugs for the next 3 months. I give her my promise and proclaim that I will never do Iboga again. She shakes her head and tells me that I will do Iboga three times in this life. Seeing my dismay she quickly adds that next time it will not be as difficult. “You have done well. GoodBye.”

Then the Pygmies showed up. I was surprised to see them. They had long spears twice their height and were walking thru tall yellow grass. They gathered together and peered at me with big eyes and painted faces. “Very Good. Well Done. GoodBye.” Then they disappeared as quickly as they had come. My last visionary visitors were of my blue nightlight morphing into the nose of various protoplasm creatures. It was very much a 3D experience with them moving closer to me before vanishing. They looked like they belonged in Alice in Wonderland and were definitely not of this world. I fell asleep.

36 hrs. later
I had 12 glorious hours of peaceful dreamless sleep. My mind is crystal clear and my heart is the only voice in my head. I am infinite. My habitual grooves are gone. I live near the airport and stopped hearing the planes a long time ago. Now I hear every plane overhead. Things feel brand new. I have an understanding that all the heartache and darkness I have experienced in this life was necessary and is to be appreciated as valuable soul lessons. On a deep level, I choose these experiences. There truly are no victims. I feel amazing. My heart is happy. Thank you Iboga!

19 days later
Writing up this experience has become a labour of love. Although I initially hesitated to include certain intimate details, I decided that I have censored myself far too often in this life. Time to be completely authentic. No masks. No secrets. No shame. It was not my intention to pour my heart out. I did it for Nya. I want her to be proud of me. Iboga is a powerful healer. Not always gentle, but giving you exactly what is needed. Perfect. I am free within myself.

For Nya With Love   ~Angelique

Soul truth etched on my heart since birth.
“No matter what happens in this life, everything you will ever need you will find within yourself.”




















Offline TS

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2014, 07:51:25 AM »
Beautiful post, Angelique.  Thanks for sharing...I'm sure a lot of people will be inspired by your experience.  I certainly was.  When I read about your soul loss experience as a child, it just sent a shudder through me but I'm so happy you received healing.

Best Wishes

TS :)

Offline lightswitchedon

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2014, 08:45:26 AM »
Beautiful write-up Angelique.  I could feel the power and essence of the infinite spirit coming through in your words.  Seems you were well-prepared by life for this incredible transformation / awakening.  Thank you for sharing the details with us.




Offline DiamondHeart

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2014, 11:49:40 AM »
Absolutely beautiful write up Angelique - that is quite inspiring.

When you wrote "I realized that I was altering the time line within my own mind and releasing all the trapped energy back into the present moment" it reminded me of something I read about someone's aya experience:


This sounds a little odd, but I realized that the past is not linear, not forever frozen and unchangeable. Rather than being a line stretching back horizontally, personal time is a column, layering vertically, down below the present. It’s like a shifting column of different coloured fluids. One floating on top of the other. And when you change one layer at the bottom all the layers shift and change colour above.
I was able to go back to the moment just after birth and feel what it was like to be newly born, gasping, dazzled, terrified. And again, with effort and what seemed like titanic struggle, I was able to relive that experience and instead of being born into terror and resentment, to be born into excitement and delight.


I've heard other say (particularly people who have been initiated in Gabon), that they were discouraged from sharing/disclosing their visions so for our sake, I am glad Nya explicitly told you to.

I feel honored to have read about your journey. I love the way you prepared for it and the respect to the tradition that you showed. As painful as it was for you, it seems like the healing that came out of it was definitely worth it.

Blessings to you.

Offline RhythmSpring

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2014, 05:25:39 PM »
Wow. Beautiful beautiful report. I was moved and relished every word. It makes me happy and inspired. Thank you for sharing.

Offline lalababa

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #5 on: April 24, 2014, 05:38:29 PM »
I have to agree with everyone here Angelique,

Beautiful!  Thank you for sharing.  Sounds like an amazing experience!

lalababa

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #6 on: April 24, 2014, 05:46:22 PM »
Utter beauty and posterity of eloquence!  You even brought our dear beloved friend lightswitchedon back! 

Offline WisdomSeeker

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #7 on: April 24, 2014, 08:59:14 PM »
Very awesome report! It moved my soul. Thanks so much for sharing your experience!

Offline ddraig

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #8 on: April 25, 2014, 10:59:55 PM »
This brought tears to my eyes. Stunning. Thank you for sharing.

Offline jarmuvie

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2014, 11:33:40 AM »
the number 93 must be of great importance,
a few years ago I had a new years dream in which a doctor said to me: your GPS coordinates are 93 93. Perhaps it is the age I am going to reach before I die. Perhaps it has something to do with Crowley's Thelema and Agape which expressed in numbers are 93 93. I am going to take Iboga Ta for my depression this week, perhaps I will find out what the message 9393 means.

Reading you visions I asked myself the question: who are we ? Where do we come from as a species? I am sure this was not a blind biological proces of evolution that led to what we are and what we were. Why did we loose our contact to the wisdom within ourselves? What happened? I am going to ask this questions to iboga :-)

Offline Buckingham

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #10 on: May 31, 2014, 12:57:15 PM »
Very interesting jarmuvie. Please come back and let us know how your session goes.  :)

Offline jarmuvie

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #11 on: May 31, 2014, 02:04:14 PM »
in the course of my life I had a few Great Jungian Dreams and would like to understand them better. I am going to redream them in my eboga session.

Offline mo

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #12 on: June 01, 2014, 09:22:29 AM »
Angelique, I deeply love you!
Thank you for sharing your glorious experience!
i just can't help myself: glory glory hallelujah! :)
in a universe like ours, to beings like us, the idea of a god dying can be quite liberating

Offline lickle_emu

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #13 on: June 01, 2014, 06:16:00 PM »
Thank-you so very much for sharing your experience, Angelique. I am truly glad to hear of your healing :)

Best wishes,
-Emu

Offline jarmuvie

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Re: UnderWorld Initiation
« Reply #14 on: June 23, 2014, 10:09:02 AM »
I liked the frog scene :-)