Author Topic: Introduction along with a couple questions  (Read 2368 times)

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Offline Paradoxical

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Introduction along with a couple questions
« on: October 23, 2014, 06:00:33 AM »
Hello there folks.  I've known about Ibogaine for quite a few years, I'm a 27 year old male who has struggled with addiction for over a decade.  Bear with me as I try and articulate my thoughts in a sensible manner. 

Long story short, drug addict, crazy life, opiate addict from ~ 22 - present.  I have a fair amount of experience with psychedelics.  From 23-24 I was dealing with a drug lab in China and getting alot of MDMA, and there was a list of other drugs, mainly research chemicals, also LSD, Ketamine, and the like.  I rolled/tripped/did God knows what to my brain for a good year straight.  At the end of that year I had a spiritual experience which words can't begin to describe and which majorly changed and redefined my life. Over the past 3 years Ive been trying to pick up the pieces that I destroyed so thoroughly throughout my addiction.  I've studied Kundalini yoga with a well known Sikh. Came very close to undertaking a year long monk apprenticeship under the Trungpa lineage.  I've been trying to live a spiritual life which I have had no success integrating.  I always fall back further once I start to make it somewhere.  And the spirituality and my hope for happiness and a bearable life keeps slipping further every time.

I relapsed a few months ago, and this has cost me financially in ways I won't get into.  I've felt Ibogaine calling me for months before my relapse, and have been researching and planned on taking a flood dose at the end of my year when work was finished.  That's changed and I find it imperative to take this journey no later then the beginning of November. 

After considerable investigation, I narrowed it down to Iboga House and Genesis. I'm quite aware of all of the negative accusations and reviews of Iboga House.  They make me very apprehensive.  I'm drawn to the fact that it's a spiritual program done by a Bwiti shaman. I worry because some people speak negatively on the program and the shaman.  Yet there is enough positive feedback for me to feel just comfortable enough.  I am also very drawn to Iboga House because they give you multiple doses, of the full range of alkaloids.  I think that I'm going to need alot of work with this plant ally.  I'm a very spiritually sick person, beyond the addiction.  And it truly sickens me.  I just want to be happy healthy and able to give back instead of take.

At Genesis they use the HcL.  I worry I won't flood.  I feel like the HcL is ideal for addicts who want to treat their addiction.  You don't have to go as deep, the time frame isn't as long, it's easier on your body. It still resets the receptors and what not.  But if I'm going to do this, I want and need to go all the way.  So I'm stuck between where to go, although I'm currently leaning towards Genesis because of the price.  I'm able to pay for Iboga House, but honestly don't even feel like I'm worth it, and if it doesn't meet my expectations what then.  Which brings me to my next point.

I feel as if it will be best for me to go into this experience with as few expectations as possible, clear intentions, and an attitude of complete surrender.  Yet I'm having a hard time shaking expectations.  I feel as if this is my last shot at being able to figure out this life.  My mind has been a terrible place to live.  I have ups and down.  The downs are much more frequent and unbearable.  I live in a constant stream of negative self talk, conscious and unconscious.  And I can't shake this or figure out how to reprogram it even when I'm doing good.  Good for me is pale in comparison of any normal human being.  I worry that if given a chance to leave the mortal shell, I would choose to go.  I wouldn't call myself suicidal per se, but I've been so tired and felt so hopeless for so long that I've openly welcomed the thought of being reunited with source for quite some time.  I truly worry about all the karmic debts I've accumulated this lifetime.

I'm humbly seeking any advice any of you amazing people may have for me. I would love to hear any and all ideas information or insight.  Thank you in advance.   


Offline DiamondHeart

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Re: Introduction along with a couple questions
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2014, 05:29:12 PM »

Welcome Paradoxical!

I'm sorry, I don't have time to give write as much as I'd like so I hope what I can will do for now.

I'm curious what other places you have researched to do your flood. I really really wouldn't go there given some of your concerns about this not working for you. There are many other good places.

I'm able to pay for Iboga House, but honestly don't even feel like I'm worth it.
The voice you should listen to is the one guiding you towards Iboga, not the one that is telling you that you are not worth it. You are, so this voice is a liar and a coward.

I feel as if it will be best for me to go into this experience with as few expectations as possible, clear intentions, and an attitude of complete surrender.  Yet I'm having a hard time shaking expectations.  I feel as if this is my last shot at being able to figure out this life.  My mind has been a terrible place to live.  I have ups and down.  The downs are much more frequent and unbearable.  I live in a constant stream of negative self talk, conscious and unconscious.  And I can't shake this or figure out how to reprogram it even when I'm doing good.  Good for me is pale in comparison of any normal human being.  I worry that if given a chance to leave the mortal shell, I would choose to go.  I wouldn't call myself suicidal per se, but I've been so tired and felt so hopeless for so long that I've openly welcomed the thought of being reunited with source for quite some time.  I truly worry about all the karmic debts I've accumulated this lifetime.
It's natural to have expectations particularly with your history. Simply acknowledge that you have those expectations but try not to hold onto them tightly. Remind yourself of your true intentions. Iboga is not going to care - the important thing is to be honest with yourself.

Take care!

Offline Paradoxical

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Re: Introduction along with a couple questions
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2014, 04:31:10 PM »
The places I've researched are - Iboga House, Genesis, Crossroads, Ibogaine University, I Begin Again, Iboga Life, Panagea, Safe Haven, and The Holistic Sanctuary to name a few.  I'm aware these are all pretty mainstream options because they're on the first few pages of Google for 'Ibogaine Treatment Centers'.  It seems like most except for Iboga House lack in spiritual aspects.  If anyone has any recommendations I would greatly appreciate it. 

What I'm shooting for now is an 8 day Iboga House treatment Nov 10th.  Moughenda will be gone, so one of his apprentices will  be performing the rituals.  Because of this is about half price. To qualify for this 8 day program I need to stay clean off of opiates for the 10 days leading up to this.  Which I worry about.  Of course I'll be honest with them about this though.  Hopefully this works out.  The longer I go without having a plan thats solid and I know I'm doing, the more I worry about not following through with any plan, and just putting it off, saying I'll do it when I get around to it.  So if anyone could give me some new places to research, or any information, I'd appreciate it very much.  Thank you.

Offline mudhen

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Re: Introduction along with a couple questions
« Reply #3 on: November 01, 2014, 08:30:46 PM »
Hiya Paradoxical,

Happy Dia de los Muertos.

Have you checked out Liberty Root in BC? I've worked with one of the men who started it, he is ethical, balanced, strong and can be very funny to boot.
Chris Laurence somewhere in Mexico has a great reputation. Plenty of spiritual aspects. You can google him and find an addy.
I've worked with the Ibogalife guys and they are genuine and experienced. Also very spirit focused.
Pangea is solid, and in an area with a large supportive community.
Then, there are some amazing underground folk as well.

I've never heard of someone needing to be clean off opiates for ten days prior to a session.
I *have* heard and strongly support being at least 21 days away from methadone and at least 28 days away from suboxone. That's just because they stay so long in your system, and it's the most ethical way to use iboga, as far as how much the person detoxing is going to suffer.
But for short acting opiates, no need to stay ten days away. Hopefully your provider will tell you all this and more.

Good luck.



Offline Tyler

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Re: Introduction along with a couple questions
« Reply #4 on: December 14, 2014, 11:09:08 PM »
That Iboga House place sounds like a scam to me. I can't say why exactly ... when I originally wrote this post, I felt like I held it in my mind. But I had smoked weed earlier by that point, to get my mind relaxed and free. And I make a lot of bold claims then that aren't all the way at the stage of knowledge yet when I'm high, or just in general :P

But just as I'm living a bit by bit, I can say that all of the moments of "spiritual progress" I've made in my life so far, have always been free. Came from making mistakes, then thinking about them and trying to rectify them. Somehow progress just gets made when I do that. Bit by it.  So I'd be really wary of anybody who claims to offer shaman-style spiritual guidance in exchange for money.

I'm tempted to add more but feel I shouldn't. My experience is just in what I've wrote.

But I hope you get yourself free from drugs. One last thing I feel I can say ... is that drugs are a pit. Totally a pit. Addiction you know. But who knows what life holds when addiction is gone. Do we really need to be taught by some mystic man, or would life teach us everything we need to know, because we are finally free from the bondage of our vices?

Well that's just my question that I don't have the answer for myself yet. But it's possibly something to consider. (And guess I had some more to write after all.)

- T
« Last Edit: December 15, 2014, 09:00:49 AM by Tyler »