Author Topic: Saying hi  (Read 5217 times)

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Offline shinobidef

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Saying hi
« on: March 27, 2015, 08:26:24 AM »
I wanted to take the opportunity to introduce myself to the forum. I had also tried registering with DMT Nexus and although a wonderful resource, sadly it does appear that they are no longer accepting new members.

I'm a 34 year old woman from the UK. I don't have any experience with iboga but my first knowledge of it came from a guy who was a client of mine (I used to work as a clinical hypnotherapist) who used to visit Africa for the purposes of having iboga administered for his alcohol dependency.

I completely forgot all about it until the other day when I was looking for substances to help treat depression, rather than go down the usual anti-depressant route, and stumbled across it again. My experience with psychedelics is limited to shrooms, ketamine, LSD and San Pedro in a recreational setting. Generally, I've had positive experiences and the negative effects have only arisen with LSD if I've been in the company of certain friends or with strangers as they're not really aware of my neuroses, which has consequently resulted in feeling controlled/trapped and unable to express myself, in part because I have a serious loss of identity. The most profound experience to date came from San Pedro.

However, I have noticed that over the past few years that my depressive tendencies have reared their ugly head once again and I have a strong suspicion that I have either BPD, Bipolar II or a combination of both, although I've never had a naturally-occurring psychotic episode. This may be at least due to heavy cannabis use over the past 3-4 years, which has now turned into a psychological addiction that I want to put an end to.

I have attempted meditation many many times but feels as soon as I'm getting anywhere, my mind kind of goes into this "Whooa just stop right there - you're not allowed to improve" type state! As with any kind of routine, my mind just shouts "NO". The most noticeable change in my outlook was about 4 years ago where I took MDMA almost every weekend for the best part of a year, although this coincided with me meeting my partner so it may have just been the honeymoon effect!

I've been very interesting about reading reports of BPD sufferers having success with iboga so plan to microdose with root bark.  I aim on simultaneously getting a referral from a doc for a psychiatrist so at least if any issues are brought into my conscious thought, I will at least have some support should I not be able to deal with and make sense of these myself.

Before registering, I was dipping in and out of this forum so also want to thank everyone here for their helpful input! I hope to share my microdosing experience in the near future.

Aside from my mental background, well I like drawing/painting, music, cooking, travel and....cats!

Peace  :)

Offline RhythmSpring

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2015, 11:31:03 AM »
Hi shinobidef! Welcome to Eboka.

By the way, I think The Nexus IS still accepting new members, just on the weekends. Weird policy, I know--I think it's to filter out "trolls" somehow.

Looking forward to hearing about your experiences.

~RS

Offline mo

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2015, 03:03:41 PM »
hi shinobidef, you are very articulated and clear and sober in how you describe yourself. welcome. i am not here so much any more but look every know and then. will be interesting to find out more about you - i look forward to it! good luck with all!
in a universe like ours, to beings like us, the idea of a god dying can be quite liberating

Offline Ratu

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2015, 06:57:17 PM »
and I have a strong suspicion that I have either BPD, Bipolar II or a combination of both, although I've never had a naturally-occurring psychotic episode. This may be at least due to heavy cannabis use over the past 3-4 years

I quit smoking cannabis quite a long tome a go, then smoked it while was stressed. But i wanna say that when i used to smoke it, i started to have deeper problems with my identity but id better say i have noticed i have problems with personality, identity... Ive realized that cannabis helps to take out things we have not noticed before or supressed or things that just did not get our attention before. So cannabis helped to bring them to light, to surface. Then i stopped smoking it , did few other things and started to grow very fast spiritually. Then i had relationship and saw my fears and problems have not got yet completely and i even started to have panic attacks. After half of a year i took Iboga for the first time. So i dealt with those panic, fears and identity problems. Not very deep but still. I took onl;y 5 grams of root , npt RB, didnt have a chance to get RB in Russia back then. Then all the above described problems started to show up again and strengthen. I just decided to order Iboga and boom - healing has started , even though i havent ordered it yet. Then i took microdoses and all i had inside i felt its ok and was simly letting it go by telling to people what i really mean. Now i feel soooooooo gooood. But still need a total reborn. Want to have Bwiti initiation in Gabon next year.

Offline shinobidef

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2015, 06:29:32 AM »
Thank you all for the warm welcome!  :D

That's great to hear that your healing has started, Ratu. Yes, I definitely agree that cannabis can bring problems to the surface. I honestly don't know why I insist on smoking it as never actually makes me feel better, and I tend to do it more when I'm alone - it's definitely not a social drug for me any longer. The problem started when a close friend of SWIM's used to grow skunk so had this absolutely endless free supply!

What kind of microdose schedule did you do after the initial 5g? I think I'll probably start low, maybe 500mg RB, which I think would equate to around 20mg HCI, and see how I get on. One guy I watched on YouTube, who'd kept a 30 day diary and appeared something of a psychonault, felt a starting dose of 1g was too strong for a newbie so I'll monitor the low dosage for a few days and then up it depending on how I feel.

Anyway, wonderful to read about your positive experience! I, too, would love to go to Africa (Cameroon ideally as my grandmother is from there, but I've never been) but due to serious lack of funds, I think that's probably a long way off...still, cheaper than 6 months of private therapy!

Will head over to The Nexus to see if I can register there also as definitely good to have lots of resources.

Offline Ratu

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2015, 11:11:01 AM »
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The problem started when a close friend of SWIM's used to grow skunk so had this absolutely endless free supply!
Oh yes. When such things are endless and free it can be hard to stop. Sometimes u stop only until u had enough, i mean when u no longer feel the lack of the substance or whatever it is.

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What kind of microdose schedule did you do after the initial 5g?

FIrst time 5g was in 2011. Then in 2012 i had about 8 grams of RB. In january this year i started microdosing but has not finished it. I took everyday 380mg. Few times i experimented and took about 750mg a day. Tries also to eat 170 twice a day. But conclusion is its better to eat it only once in the morning after u wake up. Then about 2 hours with no food. Its like you attune in the morning for the whole day. I feel even 170 grams effect but its because i have high sensitivity to this sort of thing, Iboga in particular. I dont think one should eat more than 700 mg a day unless his weight is more than 80 kg. I couldt do my everyday things on 700 mg in one take. Heart was pounding fast, but i had to look after my son. ! 380 - is perfect. And once i get the Iboga which is quite soon. ill start microdosing properly for 1 month. Because i have taken it only about 2 weeks then i took 2.22 grams of RB and had a trip, where i cremated my false Identity, But due to the place i live in and circumstanses and people i couldnt handle the healing effect , couldnt ground it enoughm so still have few problems to solve.

Offline Ratu

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2015, 11:13:16 AM »
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. One guy I watched on YouTube, who'd kept a 30 day diary and appeared something of a psychonault, felt a starting dose of 1g was too strong for a newbie so I'll monitor the low dosage for a few days and then up it depending on how I feel.

Yes i know this guy, i translated on of his videos for my ukranian Iboga website. Yes his weight was ok to take 1 gram a day.

One of my clients took Iboga 380mg a day for 1 month and he quited smoking cannabis. This was his problem. Now he thanks Iboga and doesnt feel need to smoke anymore. And plus he felt they add some opiates to cannabis when he was smoking it.

Offline Ratu

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2015, 11:15:03 AM »
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Anyway, wonderful to read about your positive experience! I, too, would love to go to Africa (Cameroon ideally as my grandmother is from there, but I've never been) but due to serious lack of funds, I think that's probably a long way off...still, cheaper than 6 months of private therapy!

same with me. I plan to go only after i earn anough  money and help my clients to work with Iboga.
So gooooooood ur grandma is from cameroon !!!

What is the NEXUS ?

Offline shinobidef

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #8 on: March 28, 2015, 04:58:41 PM »
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So gooooooood ur grandma is from cameroon !!!

Haha - she's totally eight ball. First time I met my grandmother was on my 30th birthday - she looked like a mad Whoopi Goldberg. She never likes talking about the Cameroon though, as think she left just as the political situation was becoming quite volatile, but I hope to make it there one day.

Yes, the guy on YouTube is a big lad if we're talking about the same one! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFE6xbfeqRo)

If you don't mind me asking, did you attribute your identity issues to anything in particular (say BPD, DID or NPD?)

The Nexus is a site that predominantly focuses on DMT, although there's a fair amount of iboga info on there as well - register quick before the weekend's over! https://www.dmt-nexus.me/
« Last Edit: March 28, 2015, 05:00:23 PM by shinobidef »

Offline Ratu

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #9 on: March 29, 2015, 06:39:24 PM »
Thank you for the link !

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If you don't mind me asking, did you attribute your identity issues to anything in particular (say BPD, DID or NPD?)


Can u please explain what do those abbreviations mean ? Im from Ukraine, i dont know.  Actually first time i did not attribute it to anything at all. I just felt what was that, always had the inner knowing. But after some time and some people i had time with i began to take so much shit programs and settings into my mind... So that i looked into wikipedia and stared to read and read.. First everything was ok, and i knew what was going on. But after some time i had almost everything ive read about. Just because i have stupid tendency to have exprience that im interested in or read too much about or saw it in the movies ive watched.  ;D :P Hope u understand  ;)

Offline kuteguy

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #10 on: March 29, 2015, 07:26:42 PM »
GYIF - google is your friend  8)

N/BPD Neurotic/Borderline Personality Disorder
DID - Dissociative identity disorder

Nexus - damn registrations closed

Offline shinobidef

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2015, 07:07:40 AM »
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Nexus - damn registrations closed


I managed to register on Nexus on Saturday so if you try next week, it may work unless they have one "open day" per week!


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Can u please explain what do those abbreviations mean ? Im from Ukraine, i dont know.  Actually first time i did not attribute it to anything at all. I just felt what was that, always had the inner knowing. But after some
time and some people i had time with i began to take so much shit programs and settings into my mind... So that i looked into wikipedia and stared to read and read.. First everything was ok, and i knew what was going on. But after some time i had almost everything ive read about. Just because i have stupid tendency to have exprience that im interested in or read too much about or saw it in the movies ive watched.

Yes, they're the full disorder names (DID used to be MPD, or Multiple Personality Disorder and sometimes NPC can be used for Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

I guess nothing is clear cut and it's also very easy to diagnose yourself with a zillion disorders when you start reading up about them - I've been there! For a while, during a rough time, I got very much into Buddhist philosophy and I kind of accepted how I felt, rather than attributing any label to it, and for a while that made me feel better. I took on this "well, I am who I am" mentality for a while but I think ultimately I just repressed a lot of negativity. Thank you for explaining further.


« Last Edit: March 30, 2015, 07:10:52 AM by shinobidef »

Offline Ratu

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #12 on: March 30, 2015, 08:56:13 AM »
didnt have time to register on nexus.
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I guess nothing is clear cut and it's also very easy to diagnose yourself with a zillion disorders when you start reading up about them

exactly

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I took on this "well, I am who I am" mentality for a while but I think ultimately I just repressed a lot of negativity. Thank you for explaining further.

well here are two sides. One is i SAW what was going on and it was normal. But on the otehr side i saw aht caused all this and saw what i have to change. So everything was ok, but when some things were happining in my life then my conditions were turning into negative, U know what i mean. I could use them for what they are supposed to be, i used them for stupid useless things and reasons.  BUT THEY ARE GIFT. i give u 100%

Offline shinobidef

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #13 on: April 01, 2015, 03:23:46 PM »
Yes, I think I know exactly what you mean, Ratu! Here's hoping some iboga treatment can "align" these two sides so they work together.

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didnt have time to register on nexus.

Although I registered, I saw today that I couldn't log in until I answered a series of never ending questions. The Nexus has said this is due to a large number of new applications and because some existing members aren't behaving in accordance with their ethics. However, some of the questions have been utterly bizarre and nothing (that I can see) has to do with their Attitude principles. What's additionally frustrating is that you can't seem to access certain sections of the site whilst this suspension of the account is in place in order to research the answers to said questions! Starting to wonder if it's an April Fool's Day joke...

Offline shinobidef

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Re: Saying hi
« Reply #14 on: April 02, 2015, 04:51:54 AM »
Yeah...they got me!