I feel like this higher source, which I call papa iboga, will use whatever means to communicate with us. I found in my microdosing journey last night,and in times before, that symbols are used from things I was experiencing earlier in the day or week (like from media I was interacting with) or from my past, to very succinctly give insight to my consciousness. Usually with a sense of humor to it! Getting to see how silly I was to be so serious etc... or how something very profound and emotional from childhood. Heartful gut laughter and yawning are usually signs to me that I'm processing/purging things.
After a full flood experience, you may get more out of microdosing.
I'm still processing from last night, and felt the need to check out Mary Shutan's blog this morning, and this article which coincidentally (or not!) perfectly covered the exact themes in my journey last night:
http://maryshutan.com/the-mothering-wound-and-the-infant-self/ which you might get something from.
I basically was given more awareness of, and processed, a lot of spiteful anger I still kept in my subconscious at my mother from very very young years (like younger than 3) which came out in different ways (which Mary's article succinctly describes), much of it ultimately self-sabotaging. A example is, when things go real well for me, like my current job is truly a blessing, I have a cool manager, flexible hours, so many positives etc.., I will sometimes find a way to get in late enough times (despite the flexi hours!) to create some type of drama. I was shown clearly how this goes back to my unresolved anger towards my mother (authoritarian figures like managers and the place of work itself take the place of providers right?). My self-sabotaging behavior and frustration at my mother was shown to me as myself as a baby boy, spending much time constructing a train set, then breaking it all apart, literally snapping a toy rail in half. Man, I have acted this way (unconsciously mostly) in many relationships in my life. Especially the push-pull dynamics with a perceived 'nemesis' of mine, who I am also grateful for the gifts they brought.
The great thing is, as I've been able to process this stuff over time, my relationship to my mother has improved considerably, and I have much more compassion for her struggles. There is no doubt in my mind that both parents loved me, they just struggled with their own shit and did not know how to parent. And iboga gets me to see that it is not about my mother, or blaming her, it is about me, and my behaviors and taking responsibility, where true freedom is. Sorry, dont mean to hijack your own thread, just wanted to relate :-)
So yes, Iboga will help process and integrate these issues, it is exceptional for that, just I recommend not having too many expectations for you own flood journey, based on other reports. Focus on yourself. We all get what we need at the time.
EDIT: also wanted to add, that a lot of this anger came from not being able to be myself or be validated (unconditionally loved) adequately, by 2 parents who struggled with their own authenticity, despite both having many great qualities. So the anger and self sabotage are like symptoms and are related to people pleasing/passive aggressive behaviors, other symptoms of surviving not thriving. Living a life disconnected from heart/true purpose is exhausting as well, probably why many of us came on this path.
