Author Topic: Cant shake the fear of doing a flood  (Read 1958 times)

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Offline rez_runner

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Cant shake the fear of doing a flood
« on: October 20, 2016, 10:50:19 PM »
It's been awhile since I've posted on here but lately I've been thinking a lot about finally bringing myself to do ibogaine to hopefully help fix my chaotic life.  I had intentions like 4 or 5 years ago to do ibogaine but I have so much fear and anxiety that I keep running away from it.  I know how bad I need to do this but I'm afraid of what the experience will be like and what I'll end up finding in my head.  I have done different psychedelics including ayahuasca but just remembering how negative all my ayahuasca trips were makes me hesitant to do a 20 hour trip with ibogaine.  I mean, at least ayahuasca is over in like 4 hours but something keeps telling me that I need more time to prepare for such an intense journey but at the same time the more I wait the more I go nowhere.  I'm not progressing in life and meditating and other energy work isn't really doing much for me.

Is that all I have to look forward to is a complete ass kicking and extreme difficulty during my trip?  I don't want it to be completely negative and feel worse when it's all done but I sure as hell don't want to live like this anymore.  I know part of the healing process is going to be difficult but maybe I'm just overthinking this...

Offline RhythmSpring

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Re: Cant shake the fear of doing a flood
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2016, 02:59:54 PM »
Hey, I'm totally in the same boat as you. I've been wanting to do a flood for over 2 years now, and I've had 3 decent opportunities to flood with a friend as a sitter, and 2 decent opportunities to flood at a retreat center. I chickened out of all 5 opportunities.

I feel you. I've done a lot of meditating on the subject, and I've come to the conclusion that I need to find a girlfriend before I do a flood. Or at least a much better / more supportive social life. Because now, I'm pretty isolated, and if I were to do a flood out of the blue, the proper support systems for me to "permanently" make the changes in my life I want to make might not be in place, which is why I am afraid to do it.

So now I am focusing on connecting with positive people, and lubricating everything energetically, if you will. It sounds like you are often pretty hard on yourself like I am, and if you are in a place psychosocially that allows for such self-berating (like social isolation), it can be a dangerous place spiritually to do iboga.

My advice would be to reach out, don't be so hard on yourself, and have patience that iboga isn't all you need to heal and move forward with your life.

Peace!

Offline rez_runner

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Re: Cant shake the fear of doing a flood
« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2016, 08:37:14 PM »
You have done a flood in the past though, right?  Did you feel the same way then as well?  It seems like there are a lot of desperate people out there who do this mainly for getting off of opiates and I'm sure a large number of them aren't mentally prepared either, so I'm wondering if iboga is gentle enough to not give a completely overwhelming and negative experience that most people can't handle for their first time.  I want to be ready but there's only so much I can do to prepare I just feel stuck..

Offline RhythmSpring

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Re: Cant shake the fear of doing a flood
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2016, 01:54:23 PM »
I have done a flood before, back in 2010. I didn't feel the same, then, though. I mean, I did feel very scared to do it, but I didn't give myself room to back out.

Do you have a sitter or guide of any kind?

Offline rez_runner

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Re: Cant shake the fear of doing a flood
« Reply #4 on: November 02, 2016, 12:01:15 AM »
Yes I'll probably just do it at a retreat center or clinic so I don't have to worry about that. I definitely want to be physically safe, but how do you prepare internally for something you have no experience with?  It's gotten to the point now where I don't even smoke weed anymore because it gives me such bad panic attacks and anxiety and unwanted memories of things. I know there's a lot of crap I need to clear up in my life which I'm hoping ibogaine can help with but I just don't want the experience to be complete terror without me getting anything out of it but regret, ya know? I'm just so sick of my situation in life though that I know I need a complete 180 or I'm gonna go insane. I've already lost most of my joy and motivation for life and I'm just sick of living in fear and ignorance all the time.. so this is why a flood has been on my mind so much lately