Topic: User-friendly

[Calaquendi]

Hello and thank you for stopping in! 

This sub - forum's contents will be for discussing our ideas and opinions concerning personal ventures of, with, and for iboga/ibogaine , plans and endeavors, current affairs regarding the iboga community at large and anything else that comes to mind.

It is an invitation to engage in dialogue regarding treatment centers and providers, individual viewpoints and perspectives - questions and answers, etc.

We encourage a robust and healthy discourse - this is including, but not limited to - disseminating information, uncensored bitching and snide remarks, jubilant praise and hopeful visions, delusions of grandeur or just wholesale rhetoric.

Don't be shy friends!  We can make this an important and valuable tool. There aren't many resources of this sort currently available online and you're getting in on the ground floor of an exciting new effort!

Once again we thank you and welcome your participation! 

[MR T]

Would 1 strong dose be enough to help someone with a high tolerance to hallucinogens, with a chronic drug addiction that has been passed down from both deceased parents?

[Calaquendi]

The short answer is "yes". One 'strong' dose will do the trick...by 'strong' I mean the calculated mg/kg flood dose required for most opiate addiction interruption. 'Tolerance' to psychedelics has no bearing on the efficacy of the process...whatsoever.

However, I think if anything, familiarity with hallucinogens and/or altered states of consciousness boosts an individuals confidence and receptivity to their experience. Those 'fluent' in this regard may accommodate levels of deepening trance more readily. Additionally, prior ventures into psychedelia may have laid the groundwork for a smoother integration of visions and their interpretations.

On the whole, I think it's a positive position with respect to an iboga experience.

[MR T]

That s amazing, I can t believe tolerance to hallucinogens has no effect on treatment. I was worried about that,and yes I can totally relate to what you are saying about having exp with them,I know how to let go and let it happen,which is why I like halluc. But for healing they just don t go deep enough,lord knows I tried  enough

[x]

I will confidently second what Cal said about 'tolerance' to psychedelics. Iboga is its own entity. I'll also say that what you get under Iboga, if it happens, aren't so much hallucinations as visions. You never lose control, you can stop them simply by opening your eyes. Some people don't get them at all, however.

Your prior psychedelic experience, and your prior mediation and/or visualization experience, will both aid in your Iboga journey, IMHO.

peace and furniture,
tia

[Eon T McKnight]

Hiya Gang!

I am writing with a question of extreme importance to me.  Any and all replies will be valuable to me.  I hope you find my efforts valuable to you.

In the briefest terms possible:  Can Eboka be helpful in curing my long-standing, well-entrenched and recently debilitating psychological condition?

My situation is somewhat unique.  First, I will relate the origin of the problem.  Next, I will describe some of the effects it has caused.  Finally, I will discuss why I believe Eboka can be particularly helpful in curing the problem, or at least mitigating the effects.

Along with posting this where anyone on the planet can read it (one of my self-therapy efforts), I am hoping for your feedback.


ORIGIN

There are two components to relate here  --  a double-whammy, if you will.  I was adopted as a baby and have no conscious recollection of my 'birth mother' nor of the circumstances.  Us adoptees, I recently discovered, have rates of substance abuse, divorce, psychological problems and suicide considerably higher than the norm.  As could be expected from those rates, overall life-expectancy is lower, too.

I recall being told, around the age of five while having dinner at the kitchen table, that I was adopted.  Once that news had been digested and assimilated, I began asking about the circumstances of my birth, adoption and 'birth parents'.  While information regarding the adoption process was given readily, all questions about my birth parents received the same response:  UNKNOWN.

Here's the kicker...  It was a lie.

Unfortunately, my adoptive parents were not skillful liars.  Subconsciously, I knew they were lying.  It's painfully obvious to me now, but it wasn't until very recently  --  after both of my adoptive parents had died  --  that I have been able to consciously recognize that fact.  I had been programmed so thouroughly that I was unable to put the facts (adoption agency data, etc.) together until now.

What was the deep, dark secret?  What was so frighteningly terrible?  What was so shameful that it was NEVER to be exposed?

I'm 25% Jewish.

Yup, that's it.  That's the 'unmentionable' that has haunted me.  Actually, I think it's rather K00L.  I won't recite the litany of all the admirable Jews, but I will sincerely say:  "Some of my best friends, including my first wife, are Jews."

And before I move on  --  while Mom was merely prejudiced, Dad was a flaming bigot.  Blacks were 'worst' with Mexicans and Jews tied for second place.  Guess they were just protecting me from people like them...


EFFECTS

You can certainly imagine some of the problems such an upbringing has wrought, but there were also some beneficial results.  One of my personal favorites is love for and enjoyment of diversity.  Since I did not know my true heritage, it was hard to form negative prejudices based upon ethnicity, culture or religion  --  which is not to say none of them have managed to creep in around the edges.  'Preconceptions' (prejudices) are part of the human mentality and can be both negative and positive, e.g. prejudice in favor of a friend.  Bigotry is not.

Bigotry and greed form the true 'axis of evil' in this world, IMHO.

I do have some prejudices, but I am NOT a bigot.

Total respect for truth and honesty is on the top of my totem pole.  Having been the victim of a conspiracy of lies and deceit (kids are always victims, only adults can choose a label for themselves), it is no wonder that I have developed a passion for the truth.

Liars are compelled to believe lies.

I want to know the truth.

So, I make a huge effort to tell no lies.  Yes, I have lied in the past.  Yes, I will probably lie in the future, too.  But I try like hell not to.  I have been developing techniques for not lying I'd like to tell you about, sometime.

What is the truth?  Who am I?  What am I?  Where did I come from?  And most importantly, where should I be going?

Am I the product of incest?  Rape?  Am I about to go schizophrenic?

Was my birth mom a whore?  A murderer?  Something worse?  Why had I been abandoned?  What could be so damn shameful and terrible that it could never be said out-loud?  In areas like this, a vivid imagination is a curse, not a blessing.  No wonder I grew up having problems with self-esteem and confidence.  No wonder I still have a hard time seeing why anyone could love and respect me.

I'm damaged goods.  The skeleton in the closet is me.

Anxiety.  Can't forget anxiety, my constant companion.  I went through life always looking over my shoulder.  Wondering.  Fearing.  In dread that someone would see the source of my shame.  Scared that everyone but me could see it.

I have carried a constant, low level anxiety with me everywhere I go.  A 'background noise' of worry, fear and shame that could only temporarily be masked by alcohol, drugs, sex, music and humor.

The Real Me is taboo.  I am ashamed of myself.

I could go on.  If I dwell on the negative stuff, though, I will suffer for it.  I'm sure you understand.  I'd much rather dwell on how to fix this rotten, diseased shite I carry around with me.  Time to move on.

Simply seeing the details of my affliction has not yet cured it.  I believe it is time for radical psycho-surgery.  I am being serious here, have no doubt.


EBOKA

I'm sure all sincere efforts to heal myself will bring good results.  Some areas of effort, however, must surely provide better and quicker results.  Lack of time is definitely a factor in my situation.

I am using what I call the "shotgun approach" to troubleshooting.  That is, whatever I can think of and bring to bear is directed toward solving my problem.  I couldn't care less which one(s) provides the solution.  The trigger has been pulled, and I'll keep pullin' on that sukka until I'm convinced it is solved.  Got me lots o' ammunition.  Now I'm looking for some dynamite or maybe a rocket launcher.

I am thrilled to finally know what it is that I am shooting at.

Why Eboka?  "Ten year of psychotherapy in ten hours" has a definite charm.  At a cost of $52,000 ($100/week * 52 weeks * 10 years) the investment strategy is sound.  I expect that you will all agree that would I reap some benefit from Eboka.  The question is:  "Is it really worth the effort for me?"

There is one aspect of Eboka that is unique among entheogens:  the Bwiti assert that it puts them in contact with their ancestors.  It is one of the pillars of their spirituality.

Can I expect to see my ancestors?

When using Eboka, have you seen yours?

I myself am not sure what I mean by "see my ancestors"  --  are they souls of the dead, psychological constructs or something else?  So, please, I would love to hear about ANY such experiences!

When you saw your ancestors, were they friendly?  Helpful?  Did they talk to you?

I am being entirely serious here.  If you say you saw your ancestors and they scared the shit out of you, I want to know that, too.

This has become the most important thing in my life.  Right now, it's pretty much the only thing in my life.

I have set up a mail account specially so ANYONE can contact me:

    McKnight@ZettaCat.com

Please do so in any way you see fit.


Thank you all for having a place where I feel comfortable and am able to say what I have.  It sure helps, and if the telling of my tale helps you, too, I am truly happy.

THANKS ! ! !

Eon McKnight

[x]

I've written you separately.
I'm glad you posted all that.

[Calaquendi]

Hey McKnight (just sounds cooler than saying "hey Eon")-

Thank you for such an honest post. I've read and re-read it again, looking for the best ways to reply, but I decided to just wing it. This being my preferred style, and I just roll better 'on the fly'...

Man, I thought everybody was a quarter Jewish??  I guess not...

I had an abusive dad. He's a Vietnam vet, marines. A fucked up guy I'm afraid - I can't talk to him at all. He was pretty brutal and I never knew 'who' he was going to be from one minute to the next, all kinds of mixed messages...


I don't know how to relate with being adopted, man - and the circumstances that surrounded you finding out the way you did, etc. That would be very hard indeed...

I will try to answer some of your questions the best I can. I have personally experienced iboga four times, two of which were flood doses and I've seen remarkable things happen with others who have done it. I'm glad to see areas other than addiction interruption being discussed. Although iboga/ibogaine is totally miraculous in this regard, I think it's myopic and exclusive to focus solely on that virtue. I think that its general psycho-therapeutic capacities are just now getting realized by Westerners and this, just by way of 'clearing you out' makes the spirit healthy. My first experience was the 'big' one: I needed to take a big dose to spit out the opiate hook. In over ten years I could not put together more than three days in a row, until iboga. All I wanted was to get rid of opiates, to be helped through the acute phase of w/d. I remember seeing my brother's expectations taint his initial exposure to this material and knew not to let this color my situation. I was absolutely astonished at the results, I expect there was a desperate part of me that held out in believing I could ever get away from that shit, but it worked. I was scared to do it. I knew the risks but I was not living at all, I am just now putting the pieces together that were strewn out over the last decade and more. I have only been 'free' of that for months as of this writing and sometimes I forget that it still takes time to integrate what I've learned. I'm hard on myself.

Brother, I do believe from what I have heard, that this medicine would help you. I'm experienced with many entheogens and nothing, but nothing comes anywhere near to the abilities iboga possesses. At least, until I did iboga, I could not hope to gain the rich insights and ability to assimilate all the value that say, cactus, can impart - I had to break my head open first.

Psycho-spiritual healing with iboga is an absolutely real and noble endeavor. And I honestly think if the willingness is there that anyone can benefit. I did not expect, or receive, an epiphany or colossal spiritual awakening. For me it was slower...I had visions, and hallucinations but the real value I experienced initially was not that apparent until the days and weeks following my first flood.

This is not to say that an epiphany isn't possible - it certainly is. I firmly believe that if done appropriately, a person will get exactly what they need from it. You've got a good head on your shoulders man, regardless of your emotions you seem to be thinking this through and that's to the good. Impulsiveness is probably the single most defeating element we can introduce to a healing like this.

As for communicating with ancestors, I can't from experience speak to this, but it seems to happen for sure. Another similar element is 'autobiographical recall' which is just what it says: experiencing your past with amazing lucidity and seeing, perhaps, things about one's self that would make us recoil under other circumstances, it really is a perspective of grace...

I didn't experience any significant recall that was immediately discernible and obvious, with the exception of viewing some prejudices I grew up with in their true light..I was able to see with honesty the fears and preconceived notions that foment perspectives of prejudice in my life. it was powerful.

Bwiti say that Eboka is the "essence of love" and I've found this to be ultimately true - I have had such difficulty loving myself, knowing that I was a worthwhile person and forgiving myself, until this I had not experienced any such grace in my entire adult life.

If nothing else, if iboga can make sense of this to a person as screwed up and brilliant as me, it's completely miraculous. I'm sure I've missed a few points and after I post this I'll probably have to edit, but I wanted to respond quickly.  Such honesty and guts as you've shown should be regarded with respect. Thanks for being here man...

[fallout330]

Well said Cal!  Most everyone who struggles with addiction, are usually dealing with self worth or self identification issues Eon.  I wish you peace and success in your noble endeavor...I know I have not reached the same point yet Eon. 

Peace guys and girls(Bev) )

[Eon T McKnight]

Yeah Cal, I agree w/ fallout  --  well said!  Aside from the gift of understanding and friendship you gave, your post has given me some new and wonderful ideas to contemplate.

fallout:  when you say "Most everyone who struggles with addiction, are usually dealing with self worth or self identification issues" I think you are right-on.  That must be why I have enjoyed and benefited from sharing my 'secret' self with drug addicts, junkies, criminals, scoundrels and assorted riff-raff...            ... they're the only ones that understand me!   (Please excuse me while I go mainline some more Prozac dissolved in vodka and coffee.) (Great Rush!)

(Seriously, for a change:)

My confession was crucial to proceeding along this path.  Confessing is part of the Bwiti initiation.  Having a Forum topic dedicated to confession might be valuable to others.  What you think?

McKnight

[Calaquendi]

Indeed a forum topic such as 'confessions' would be valuable...we can just start a thread in Eboka Talk or General Discussions for now if you'd like. The site admin. is a good friend of mine but has been real busy with personal matters of late and I have no true geek skills to create new sub-forums...I'll probably endeavor to learn these simple maneuvers soon and then this site can expand some to accommodate new ideas. For now though, there are really no 'rules' here - do what thou wilt - post what you like, where you like. We're all grownups (ostensibly) Hell, I bet even Eon is a grownup  

Glad you guys are here!!

[x]

Re confession, just a side note, I participated in a peyote ceremony, grizzled old medicine man and everything. Before we ingested the delicious brew (ech!) we took a long length of string and tied a knot in it for every one of our 'sins'. People sat contemplatively knotting for up to a half hour. These were eventually placed in the fire, and the journey began.

It is important to have the mindset of willingness to address our shadows, our 'sins', our negative behaviors if we are going to change them. Is it easy? No. Hayell no. But ritualized confessions can send a strong message to ourselves that we mean it, that we intend it.

Reading over, I sound a bit removed and maybe condescending. I don't know any more than anyone here! I have a jones to talk about this stuff, and I learn everyday.

Gratitude!
T

[fallout330]

Hey Tia,

I was always curios about the Peyote ceremony.  I hear it can be a harsh experience for some....how did it go for you?

Thanks,

[Eon T McKnight]

Yeah, Tia, we wanna hear more!

The symbolism of 'sins' being actual knots in the flow of life (through the string) is clear and vivid.  Being a crusty ol' sailor meself, I appreciates them lines-n-knots.  Sailors know that in a blow, a knot that can't be untied might cost yer life.

I'm sure you've seen how a tight knot can leave a 'kink' in the line...

I've been to Native American Church meetings of two types:  Cross Fire and Half Moon.  Both have been treasured experiences for me.  From time-to-time when I feel the need to pray hard and earnestly, I Imagine myself standing in a tepee in front of the fire praying out-loud for all to hear.

Confessions are frequently part of participants' prayers, made out-loud in front of God, the Sacrament, the Fireplace and the People.

That said, in my limited experience, the meetings showed gender-based 'preferences' (trying to be so diplomatic here) that do not correspond to my personal views about the equal value of both genders and the spiritual benefits of love and respect between equal beings.

Did you feel at all marginalized because you are a woman?  If so, you have my sympathies.  If, on the other hand, all participants were treated as 'equals among equals'  --  of equal spiritual value  --  I will be REALLY interested in all you have to say.  Like, was it in the USA?  Was there singing and drumming?  Please tell.

I could never give my full support and participation to any group that did not allow and encourage both women and men to be priests, ministers or meeting leaders.  In my perfect 'religion' there are only priests.  None higher.  None lower.  It is EVERYONE'S role and duty to communicate directly with the Spirit.

We are all holy.

[harveyplex]

Eboka will help you become ok with many things about yourself .
it  will show you that you  CAN  love yourself again . whats called the "afterglow" helps with this also .
its like a friend of mine said about anti gravity  - maybe you could do it  - you just need to FEEL IT first and after you create the feeling of feeling it - you then go from there .
many things that seemed an issue on this side didnt have a whole lot of relevence over on the side to where i went with ibogaine .
i was really was suprised of the insignificance of things i viewed as character defects or shortcomings in this  earthly shell by the eboka experience . i will sort these things out for sure.
just believe .
start believing in it.