Author Topic: Wishy's Entry  (Read 3242 times)

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Offline dpwishy

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Wishy's Entry
« on: August 13, 2010, 04:26:26 PM »
I have battled addiction for a good portion of my life. It seems that moderation isn't a concept that my being knows. Given this, certain substances have gotten me in trouble, and hurt the people I love. My relationship with God has changed my life forever. He has given me meaning, understanding, but it also gave me a burden, or what I felt as a burden for a really long time. Once you learn something it is yours forever, there is no going back, there is no resetting. Somethings I have learned via my relationship with God, and why I am here, I honestly wish I never learned. Its felt like I was a 5 yr old who was told by his parents, and everyone that cares about him that he has to graduate high school with straigh a's, and he has to attend Harvard.  Its just to much for anyone to handle. The weight I carried knowing what I am supposed to do in this existence lead to problems with alcohol. I can turn off that thinking process when I drink, and is why for a long time I turned to drinking. I have been told many times that "I will die for the message". It took me years and years to understand and accept my future, my existence, and why I was here. I have gotten passed the fear of my death, but I still carry my addiction to alcohol for the years of me trying to run from what I was told. I felt so crazy, I felt so alone, I had no one in my life to relate to what was happening to me. Mycotopia meant the world to me, because at that site, I found people that were going through this same thing, and would let me lean on them for support and understanding. As the years went on and I followed the best I could what God had told me, I watched all my friends around me wake up and go through what I did. It was awesome to be there for them, having gone through it my self, and helping them in these scary times. I just wished I had someone like that in my life when I was going through it, but all I had was alcohol. I know I am not crazy anymore, I know what happened to me was real. I just still carry the weight of dealing with it on my own with alcohol. I know what its like to run, I know what its like to hide, and I know what its like to be scared. I know what its like to be an addict.....

The main thing that God has taught me via our relationship, is that you don't have anything in life without giving it first. I am in no position to get the bark shipped to me because of my countries laws, but I do have the ability to give healing, love and light to my brother/sister who needs it. The more I give God to others, the closer I become to God. This works with anything in life, you cant have anything fully without giving it first. But this must be done to benefit your brother or sister, not because you gain also. It is with this understand that I would gladly send my bark to any brother or sister who needs it in a country that allows it.

But I can declare now, with conviction, that everything I believed to be a burden, was a gift and a blessing. I truly feel lucky and blessed to witness what I have.

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-wishy
« Last Edit: August 13, 2010, 05:22:04 PM by dpwishy »

Offline Calaquendi

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Re: Wishy's Entry
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2010, 07:32:43 PM »
I love you wishy - close call buddy you just made it - we're drawing in a few minutes, good luck!
" I am you and what I see is me..."

Offline dpwishy

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Re: Wishy's Entry
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2010, 04:23:28 PM »
I love you wishy

I love you too, brother.
I can't explain what reading those three words did to me Saturday night when I read it.
I just got home, and was in a vulnerable state, you opened my heart and third eye.
Online is a word of anonymity, as one of my brothers said perfectly to me before.
To have the love to still reach out, and care for some one you don't even know,
is something so beautiful I can't even put words on.

The knowledge and relationship you have given me now for years via topia, or here, is a true blessing. I can't thank you enough for your bravery and vision. You are a true warrior of the light....

 ?"My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon...."

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-wishy

Offline Calaquendi

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Re: Wishy's Entry
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2010, 02:11:49 PM »
Your words humble me, friend. I have learned a lot from you these past couple years as well, I am glad to call you my friend!
" I am you and what I see is me..."