Author Topic: pre-flood microdosing issues  (Read 2045 times)

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Offline tryl

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pre-flood microdosing issues
« on: November 19, 2010, 05:09:02 AM »
right.

having a bit of rough time here. a bit of background:

7 yrs on the horse, hep C which i supposedly cleared after a 6 months round of combined interferon/ribavirin therapy, by the end of which i found myself severely addicted again (the side effects are too much to deal with, and in times of hardship you always know smack is there for you to completely fuck things up).

took a trip to the UK this time, took the flood dose, all went fine, as far as detox goes.

no cravings, or appetite for opies whatsoever.

microdosing the following week or so, maybe partly because of the insomnia which tends to disrupt all my physiological rhythms, was a bit of a struggle. the tendency to 'penetrate' your thoughts is nice, depending on the direction it takes. ebbs and flows, but mostly depressed and irritable, with the occasional euphoric mood swing. 

i started drinking at some point (not long after i finished the caps), and before you know it, i find myself in the midst of a binge. which i interrupted as soon as i woke up feeling like a rusty trashcan one day and realized where this is going.

at that point i received my rootbark, regenerated for a few days til i feel fit enough to start microdosing again.

had my 1.5g rb this morning with my coffee.

great at first.

then i began noticing the increased difficulty with inter-personal everyday communication. partly due to the loosened associations and the fact that my mind is brooding elsewhere, but i do feel a bit detached.

the usual ever present visceral discomfort.

and the occasional sense of doom and gloom, in the context of the bleak winter landscape.

suddenly every situation, with its multi-dimensional aspects, disintegrates into a thousand potential catastrophies.

now, i guess i'll probably work this through with time, or just suck it up and trust the plant do its job. my only worry is that this doesn't get worse.

trying to set up a plan & routines to follow, we'll see how it goes, meanwhile any comments, suggestions and shared experience would be greatly valued. :)

oh, and i don't know about you folks, but my intestines don't seem to be very fit for digesting wood.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2010, 05:12:32 AM by tryl »
"Saying is inventing. Wrong, very rightly wrong. You invent nothing, you think you are inventing, you think you are escaping, and all you do is stammer out your lesson, the remnants of a pensum one day got by heart and long forgotten, life without tears, as it is wept." –Molloy