Author Topic: coordinating my 2nd flood  (Read 11863 times)

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Offline tryl

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coordinating my 2nd flood
« on: November 21, 2010, 08:24:12 PM »
as i might have mentioned previously, i took my detox flood in the UK some 2 months ago.
i have very little recollection from the whole experience. i did come out of it completely refreshed, opiate free, and no cravings, to this day.
however, i do feel it necessary for me to repeat it, clean. as my addictive escapist behavior is still with me. sobriety is still mostly an uncomfortable state of mind, with anxiety, dysphoria and depression taking turns, so i find myself constantly switching between sedatives.

so, soon as i got my rootbark i began organizing myself as best as i can. decided microdosing a few days prior to the big wave, to adapt my body for what's coming.

first day, 1.5g rb - terrible gastrointestinal agony, my thoughts collapsing into a mess of a hundreds of potential catastrophies, a sense that any action or undertaking of mine will end up in failure, and a sense of doom and gloom all around. this subsided to a tolerable level, but not the visceral pains which kept me awake throughout the night and i pretty much woke up feeling like shit.

2nd day - much better, mostly upbeat, but still not feeling right. 2nd day of insomnia, which exacerbated the intestinal pains, further disrupting physiological rhythms.

3rd day - decided to take a pause, and try to get some sleep. managed to score some low grade pot which did the trick to put me to sleep for a few hours, before waking up at 1 in the night. popped some valerian and hops in the hope of falling asleep til the morning, but as usual - mild sedation, and no sleep, at all.

now, i really wonder how i should proceed with this, as i dont feel much in condition, both physically and mentally, and i really need to crawl out of this state. i been following a healthy diet, been hydrating accordingly, and generally following things by the book.

staying inside, or going outside, i feel equally trapped and nauseated.

perhaps i should stock on some diazepam just in case.

or drop some acid, as i can probably put myself in the right mind frame that way, LSD being the friendliest of tryptamines in my experience.

i REALLY dont want to, nor can i afford to screw this up.

maybe also worth mentioning that my liver has been through a lot - hepatitis C, countless suicidal drinking binges sometimes lasting for over a week. an year of GHB ab/use, alongside phases of frequent benzo use, also seems to have disrupted my GABA reception, which is apparently SLOOOOW to recover.

if i manage to squeeze a few more hours of sleep til dawn, taking another gram of rootbark in the morning and continue with the preparation as best as i can, but any suggestions and advice will be greatly appreciated. :)
"Saying is inventing. Wrong, very rightly wrong. You invent nothing, you think you are inventing, you think you are escaping, and all you do is stammer out your lesson, the remnants of a pensum one day got by heart and long forgotten, life without tears, as it is wept." –Molloy

Offline tryl

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2010, 03:01:33 AM »
ah... amazing how even a few hours of sleep can change everything.

first morning i don't wake up with disgust.

popped a gram of rb w/ my coffee. a refreshing wave of adrenaline.

gotta get me a few benzos for afterwards, no way around it. :/

hops+valerian+chamomile just relaxes me a bit, but the restlessness is still present. i can only roll in my bed.

"Saying is inventing. Wrong, very rightly wrong. You invent nothing, you think you are inventing, you think you are escaping, and all you do is stammer out your lesson, the remnants of a pensum one day got by heart and long forgotten, life without tears, as it is wept." –Molloy

Offline sister

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2010, 09:27:14 AM »
I just have to pipe in here a bit... benzo's are a very dangerous drug.  NOT a drug you want to ct from or could face yrs of discomfort.  It seems once a opiate addict the rate of addiction to benzo triples... not sure why.  Some may get away the first time with quick wean but I wouldnt try it 2x.  Might want to read up on benzo detox and all the problems with it.  I tend not to use benzo after a flood...I stick with Melatonine, warm milk, kava or anything but benzo.  For the benzo addict.. I dont attempt to detox them with iboga..... maybe I am wrong but dont want to cause someone a life long syndrome.  I might give one dose on third day if no sleep comes but I dont want to switch addictions for someone not addicted to benzo's.  I do keep benzo's avail so that during the flood I can reintroduce the benzo.....
just my thoughts.
life is a bowl of fruit, once clean

Offline tryl

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2010, 10:12:12 AM »
yea, i am aware of the dangers of benzo addiction.

luckily a friend today brought me some bud, so diazepam might not be necessary.

melatonin has also never worked for me, and i hate milk. :)

either way, i always thought it a good idea to always have a benzo handy... just in case.

and im on my way, just took 3gr TA.
"Saying is inventing. Wrong, very rightly wrong. You invent nothing, you think you are inventing, you think you are escaping, and all you do is stammer out your lesson, the remnants of a pensum one day got by heart and long forgotten, life without tears, as it is wept." –Molloy

Offline Calaquendi

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2010, 12:53:35 PM »
God bless, keep us posted!
" I am you and what I see is me..."

Offline tryl

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #5 on: November 24, 2010, 04:26:27 AM »
breakthrough! :D

and i took 10gr of TA, lol.

felt fine, and decided to go big.

what followed was... my most intense, total, deep experience with a psychedelic so far.
it reminded me in some ways of ketamine.

everything was reeling with the speed of light, my whole body, nerves and muscles strained to the maximum.

the visions.... were beyond the scale of what i could channel into the linguistic funnel.

i don't even remember many of it, it was just all so intense.

what did stick with me though, and i am really not sure what to make of it, was a vision of a.... new human race? an alien one? or another planet completely? a completely developed and advanced civilization where the organic ruled. they were all extremely biomodified, lacking many of what we perceive as human characteristics. they were huge, and often disassemled and reassembled back portions of their bodily mass to suit a purpose. there were strange golden eggs and cephalopods in laboratory containers for the purpose of experimental symbiosis(?). i really don't know what to make of all this, but something so convincingly real couldn't just spring out of my imagination. those creatures, although very human like, were dehumanized - life did not mean as much. like they perceived the body as a vessel, and had some horrifying aztec-like rituals. a world as 'cruel' and 'unforgiving' as is nature. 

and there was so much more, many of which i might not be able to recollect. i was penetrating deep into every cell of my body, feeling electroimpulses as they travel through from the central to muscles and organs, my whole body exploding. i was cringing, feeling squeezed, grinding teeth, as the visions were rapidly changing. i saw my body from the inside.

i was trying to grab to some valuable realizations as they evaporated and morphed further into the current.

i will add more as it comes back to me.

by the 2nd day, i thought i might go psychotic. so i had to, after all, take some 60mg diazepam (that's what i mean by having an inherent problem with these things. i have never abused them, at least or no longer than a couple of days, but i have always had a monstrous tolerance for benzos, and all sorts of GABAnergics.. that's why herbs dont work for me) to sleep through the night.

i still see traces, feel incredibly comfortable in my skin, upbeat, energetic and clear minded.

i will add more as it comes.

wish i could fix that glitch in my brain that doesn't really allow me to dream...
"Saying is inventing. Wrong, very rightly wrong. You invent nothing, you think you are inventing, you think you are escaping, and all you do is stammer out your lesson, the remnants of a pensum one day got by heart and long forgotten, life without tears, as it is wept." –Molloy

RavAv

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #6 on: November 24, 2010, 05:19:24 AM »
 ;D    10 gm TA     ;D

Offline tryl

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #7 on: November 24, 2010, 06:43:23 AM »
;D    10 gm TA     ;D

lol, yeah, i've always been like that.

earlier on, i was always going big, with an almost complete disregard for set and setting. here it is, what it is, hellish psychosis. take a stroll in the concrete jungle of the city and see it as it is....

this experience i can only put on par with this time i took 4 times the dose of mescaline intended. for hours i was feeling like i could not contain my body. and i had to go have christmas with my family, haha.
"Saying is inventing. Wrong, very rightly wrong. You invent nothing, you think you are inventing, you think you are escaping, and all you do is stammer out your lesson, the remnants of a pensum one day got by heart and long forgotten, life without tears, as it is wept." –Molloy

Offline niceboat

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #8 on: November 24, 2010, 07:53:40 AM »
Congrats!  :) looks like it was a very deep real journey into the self  8)

Offline sister

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #9 on: November 24, 2010, 09:34:32 AM »
wow...10 gm of TA?  What was the % of HCL.  I dont know... just seems a bit risky and dont get the need for that high of dose ... unless it was maybe 30% hcl.  But, you made it thru and if the goal was to be opiate/meth or drug free then more power to ya...
life is a bowl of fruit, once clean

Offline Calaquendi

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #10 on: November 24, 2010, 11:28:54 AM »
Awesome report tryl - 10g is balls  :o...even at 30% that's a big dose!

Quote
wish i could fix that glitch in my brain that doesn't really allow me to dream...

This has happened to me after large iboga doses, it's like I can't dream at all or I am not reaching those levels of sleep where the deepest imaginings occur. It can go the other way too - like having exceptionally lucid dreams which don't seem like dreams at all. Maybe after a few nights away from the big episode some of it will 'bleed through' as your sleep patterns get into rhythm. Thanks for sharing man!
" I am you and what I see is me..."

Iboga Panacea

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #11 on: November 24, 2010, 11:54:29 AM »
Holy Moses, boldly going where no man has gone before, wowzers.  I'm wondering if those giants you saw in your dream were actually an earlier civilization rather than one to come, I feel it is more likely you were tapping into your ancient script through DNA.  I have read from several esoteric sources that our world was once inhabited by these giants that as you said viewed the body as simply a vessel I would like to reccomend once again Rudolf Steiner's Cosmic Memory on this subject as he is one of the few to make the secretive knowledge available to the public.  I have also heard a great deal about huge skeletons resembling these giants actually being discovered in our modern times but once our government and the black ops CIA finds out they very quickly sweep away the evidence and kill off the witnesses...and no I'm not joking.  I really really think you were going through the anscestal bloodstream so to speak, I truly applaud you're accomplishment you da man a true initiate! 

Offline tryl

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #12 on: November 24, 2010, 12:23:41 PM »
happy to share:)

and no, my purpose wasn't detox, as noted above, as i already did this 2 months ago.

i just felt there was more re-wiring that needed to be done.

and i also wanted to experience it opiate free, and as deep down as i can dive.
"Saying is inventing. Wrong, very rightly wrong. You invent nothing, you think you are inventing, you think you are escaping, and all you do is stammer out your lesson, the remnants of a pensum one day got by heart and long forgotten, life without tears, as it is wept." –Molloy

Offline Calaquendi

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #13 on: November 24, 2010, 12:41:21 PM »
Good on you man! That is a hefty, whopping dose - especially (I would think) that it wasn't being used to shed off any other substances. It seems like it would take less than what is used for an addiction interruption 'flood' to get one there. But I hear you man, not taking any chances missing the mark! What was the environment like? Did you have a capable sitter or anything in place like that? Music? Thanks!
" I am you and what I see is me..."

Offline Amantine

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Re: coordinating my 2nd flood
« Reply #14 on: November 24, 2010, 02:07:14 PM »
Good on you man! That is a hefty, whopping dose - especially (I would think) that it wasn't being used to shed off any other substances. It seems like it would take less than what is used for an addiction interruption 'flood' to get one there. But I hear you man, not taking any chances missing the mark! What was the environment like? Did you have a capable sitter or anything in place like that? Music? Thanks!

The setting was at home - we thought of leaving the city and going to the countryside, but it was too big pain in the ass, so tryl took the flood in a home setting.
It was pretty well designed, expect the fact, that he never felt comfortable in any of the rooms in our house  ;D

I was sitting for him.

P.S.: Iboga Panace, you just shared some really interesting info!
Some people posses all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.