Author Topic: first timer - great expierience  (Read 7603 times)

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Offline Sagasu

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Re: first timer - great expierience
« Reply #15 on: March 22, 2011, 03:23:42 PM »
Hello all,

I've got some iboga but am waiting for the right timing, setting and safeties before I go ahead. But my question is with bindu's staring at the eye and ego death. Has anyone passed through this because I know from experiences both meditative and with heavy doses of cannabis (I use very infrequently and only for spiritual and body maintenance purposes) how terrifying this can be?

There seems to be this peaceful, benevolent, loving core of my consciousness that is connected to everything (like I am just a manifestation of it and not the other way around) that welcomes me to unify with it. And then there is the ego, which fears being winked out of existence forever should I fully join it.

I recently came very close on cannabis, undergoing what for all the world seemed to me to be kundalini syndrome (cranial pressure, body spasms, a flow of energy, etc.). I was staring into a mirror and seeing my body as somewhat fuzzy and out of focus, but these eyes of the core consciousness shining through mine in perfect focus. As I allowed myself to integrate to the core more and more, my body became more and more in focus, as though I was stepping into my true self. But before I got all the way there, I felt real terror and looked away. The core consciousness was very cool about this and told me not to go any further if I didn't want to. I wish now that I had, but then again, I am not facing that tangible fear now.

So has anyone experienced something like this? Has anyone passed through this? If I see the eye, or eyes, or a door that I fear to pass though, should I muster my courage and pass though? At the time, death feels like such a real possibility. Can I move past this?

Ideally, I would like to keep my ego as bindu states, but I would like to have it there as a tool I can use, am in control of, and can alter as needed.

Peace

Offline GratefulDad

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Re: first timer - great expierience
« Reply #16 on: March 22, 2011, 03:30:20 PM »
The ego shattering effects like one may have on mushrooms or LSD is not the same as what one experiences with iboga.  Generally iboga allows a bit of detachment while you experience the visions and stuff, so it's not really as scary as some of the other ones can seem.  Iboga is powerful, but also gentle on the psyche.  It allows access to the subconscious, but also does some physical things to help one feel more comfortable in these mental states.
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Offline Sagasu

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Re: first timer - great expierience
« Reply #17 on: March 22, 2011, 03:44:22 PM »
Thanks GratefulDad!

I haven't experienced LSD or psilocybins. I am open to the latter as well as DMT, though.

I'm glad to hear that iboga is rather gentle in that respect. I gather from all the reports I've read that it has a profound effect on people even without dragging one forcefully through ego death. Some of the before/after videos out there are really inspiring.

Do you think it would be dangerous to pass through that eye or through that door?

I'd love to hear others weigh in with their experience on the matter, too.

Offline mo

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Re: first timer - great expierience
« Reply #18 on: March 23, 2011, 09:37:28 AM »
maybe we can not really discuss this while still being on this side of the eye. maybe someone from the other side can join the discussion? is anybody from the other side reading?  :) that would be nice - would it not?

on a smaller dose i had the most gentle of experiences - telling my what it will do and how it will do it and what was wrong and what choices i had. but on the flood dose i had the scariest of experiences. i was full of fear of dying, for hours. i am not saying that the eboga wasn't gentle. but stirring that deep might just bring up the most fundamentally scary content of your psyche.

maybe there is healthy and useful egos. and maybe for people with healthy egos eboga will always be fundamentally wonderful and gentle. and then there is people like me with flawed egos, and for me eboga promises that by going to the core, i can transform my ego. by facing my fears, i can un-root them and plant new fundamentals, on which i can grow and rely. that is what i hope for.

but what is beyond that? i read once a book by Ramesh S. Balsekar. i say the following from old memory: he was talking about what it is like to be enlightened, beyond the ego, which he said he was. he said that he himself did not know what he would say or do next. how he would always come up with the right and fresh response to what ever was required by the world around him.

i had that after my flood. but what i did not have was willpower. and eventually i lost that too. so - what do i know ...  just an other fool, happy at best, and that is all i want!

having said that - how can i be happy if i am so full of neglect? there is a tendency in me to stay happy while being ignorant to what needs doing, what needs care, what needs love. no - i'm not happy, i'm angry, i'm fed up. and i have to be. i am serious about this. in my next flood i will not be naive - it's a way of wasting love!
« Last Edit: March 23, 2011, 09:47:40 AM by mo »
in a universe like ours, to beings like us, the idea of a god dying can be quite liberating

Offline greycat

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Re: first timer - great expierience
« Reply #19 on: July 08, 2011, 01:45:27 PM »
Aweome report, I am looking forward to my first experience with iboga for many reasons.