Author Topic: Iboga and Borderline Personality  (Read 6079 times)

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Offline Jox

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Iboga and Borderline Personality
« on: May 24, 2011, 12:30:14 AM »
 My husband, of 8 years was diagnosed last week with high functioning, Borderline Personality Disorder with Narcissist Personality Disorder, and I with controlling Codependent Personality Disorder, no addictions, or history of it in either one of us.

This BLP, mental disorder is new for me, however, it seems that is very prevalent in the society, and very under-diagnosed.  If anybody has interest found this forum useful:
http://www.bpdfamily.com/tools/articles2.htm

It is interesting to see, and reflect on it, along on other disorders, this can be interesting:

http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/forum/index.html

He took Ibogaine two months ago, the reason was the psychological problems, and I repeat we didn't know it has this name BLP. Otherwise we maybe have reconsidered it since it supposedly is close to bipolar disorder, which his brother has.  Fortunately  we did it.

The visions:

1. He had a lots of people, ignoring him, or looking at him with disapproval, except his mother, yet she was not looking at him but nor she was disapproving, or judgmental.
2. I asked him what he sees:
      - I see death all the time and monsters.
Do you see anything nice?
      - No, actually yes, landscapes, colors... (which means that his mind is focusing             on negative aspects of the trip)


After the trip, the positive change:
1. He had addiction of jogging. So he went to jog the first time, and told me that he had recurring thought that he runs so he will not die, yet he tried to think that thought and couldn't. As well as other negative thinking patterns ( I cant remember them, don't have my diary with me)
2. He could "see" the anger come.
3. He became very positive, and he was not at all.
4. He is addicted to weight-lifting, many people say its good, actually it is not, and after Ibogaine, he sacrificed a gym session to do the necessary, which never happened before.
5. stop having nightmares, especially when first falling a sleep, a nightmare of falling.
6. He mentioned a need to "help" people, which was not him, BLP are extremely, pathologically selfish and irresponsible.
7. Zen meditation is increased to high levels of practice, we are doing 2 hours a day, 5 hours on Saturday, and we did 3 day in-house retreat.  For those who don't know zen meditation is not easy, or day dreaming.
Just to illustrate: he was not able to meditate more then 30 min, and now is meditating like a Buddhist monk.
8. Insecurity, not trusting self, is one of the main problems with BLP. The visions make him value himself, they were "his" creations, and he was proud of it, it felt like a process of individualization and self affirmation. 
We were invited for a dinner, and he talked some, and he was shy in public.When back home he didn't analyze all the guests, as being against him, or hostile.... this is a huge change for him.

The difficult part:
1. the emotions, before suppressed, are now pouring out: it can be extremely difficult, especially since I, or him weren't prepared for it: we "split" 3 times, and he had "explosions" every three days.  We would go form good 2 weeks to every three day fights.
2. by the ending of the second month, it started getting not so good.  Suddenly he would get a dark, detached face expression, and aggressive attitude towards me, and in stress situations, like  we are preparing for a 5 hours mountain motorcycle ride and he freaked out on me inventing jalousie.

My conclusion:
1. It is the biggest "one night" total change of personality, as it can be concluded form above, at least IMO, how much more it can be asked for.  It is true that it can be worth years of therapy, but therapy is still fundamental in working it up in daily life.
2. It was followed with a lots of meditation, and that was fundamental, to continue with the change.
3. We would have done a therapy he liked when in NYC, but we are not there and here he couldn't find a therapist he liked, and frankly no $$$.
4. We will continue both doing it every two months, until the condition gets settled, including myself, I am working on my controlling codependency, so we can become complete and...

Jox




Offline mo

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Re: Iboga and Borderline Personality
« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2011, 05:47:17 AM »
thank you.

good work you two. i think ibogaine only makes sense to those that are ready,
so unless you forced your partner to take it, i would say that it is all good ;)

seriously though - trust in the plant. i trust that his anger stems from his confusion, the big confusion of our time. when the plant first loosens up the confusion it's real nature gets uncovered. it appears somewhat daemonic. ill tempered, mad, angry, violent,...

but - the uncovering of the true nature of the illness is a good thing! then the soul - the only thing in ourselves that really lives - realizes what is going on - it is not fooled anymore by the make believe plans/intentions/opinions  - it can see/feel clearly what lies at the basis of the confusion.

and it is watching now, testing, trying them out. playing them - clearly and purely for the first time. it wakes up!

trust the plant. the next time you take it, it might just be enough. your soul might just have seen enough!

it's time to wake up!
« Last Edit: May 24, 2011, 10:52:47 AM by mo »
in a universe like ours, to beings like us, the idea of a god dying can be quite liberating

Offline e man

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Re: Iboga and Borderline Personality
« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2011, 12:23:11 PM »
Nice report.

From my exp. with the plant i realized (after months of trying to understand) that in some way it effects the part of the brain that keep negative emotions and force you to deal with them, if it is fears or shame or any other negative emotion there is. along with other subtances that make you actualy tolarate it.

BLP (and frankly, after the iboga i matched every type of personal disorder there is in the book) is how one deals with those negative emotions he has so dealing with them should make it easyer.

There is something i was trying and it is free and somewhat easy to use to help with those emotions, it calls EFT, you can look it up in the internet and you both can clear some bad emotions till your next try. (i persoaly think that trying iboga every 2 months is WAY too much, but maybe i just have sensitive neurves system).

Good luck, and i hope that EFT can help, the trip helped focusing you to your main problems.
And if you like more info about that EFT PM me.